Recidivism.

"And I guess general skulking also burns off calories, right?" -- Tom, inquiring about a key component of Spike's workout regimen

"Look, I'm tellin' ya, there's nothing I can do about the wiring in your head. The connections you're gonna make? I can't do nothin' about that." -- Tom, declining to do any electrical work for Julie from Cincinnatti

"I hope he can DIG DEEP and somehow pull it out. As long as they hook up a spigot of Diet Coke that guy will keep going." -- Tom, rooting for $2.5 million/year radio Mike Francesa to somehow carry on without the departing Dawg

"Oops! Uh oh! [giggling fit] Sorry." -- Philly Boy Roy, apologizing for using the non-functional Newbridge Debate Pavilion restrooms

"Some describe Newbridge as something like a fantasy land, so it's not surprising that we've got more candidates than Snow White had dwarves. What? Nothing on that one? Nothing." - Tom, silencing the crowd at the NDP with an ill-advised joke in his opening remarks

"LET'S GET THE PIT GOING THE OTHER WAY! COME ON!! COME ON!!!! THIS. PIT. IS. WEAK! " -- Hammerhead, putting his mayubernatorial platform into action to the sounds of Minor Threat

"And how did I break the ground? With a drumstick. I used it as a hoe. And then I used it as a shovel. And then I used it as a pickaxe." -- Marky Ramone, revealing the only tool necessary to begin constructing his Newbridge amusement pawk

"You don't know what you're talkin' about, man. Crack a comet boot much? Don't sound like ya do." -- Marky Ramone, dismissing Tom as a literadummy in need of sedation

"At one point Simeon, the main judge, he turned from the camera because he was crying 'cause I was so good, and I touched him so." -- Zachary Brimstead, Esq., recounting his powerful American Idol audition performance of "Eat It"

"Yeah, I guess it means that whatever's in that basket, which is made from ham, is traveling downwards, you know, to the Hell region." -- Zachary Brimstead, trying to explain the new phrase he coined

"Geez, I don't know, if you're lookin' for a job, you might wanna go to Eastbridge." -- Zachary Brimstead, offering a "solution" to the problem of jobs being lured to surrounding towns with corporate tax breaks

[More debate-related quotations to come!]

[TBSOWFMU - 8/19/08 / Podmirth / Fan Fiction Contest World Domination Scheme / Myspace / Fotpedia / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W]

The Cows - "Heave Ho"

( Click here to buy Cunning Stunts)

Chronic Sick - "There Goes The Neighbourhood"

( Click here to procure the Cutest Band in Hardcore EP)

Game Theory - "Throwing the Election"

( Click here to buy 2 Steps from the Middle Ages)

Mark Sultan - "We're Sinking"

( Click here to buy The Sultanic Verses)

Baby Astronauts - "Fishing Song"

( Click here to buy All the Poncakes You Can Eat)

Pierced Arrows - "The Wait"

( Click here to buy Straight To The Heart)

Love Child - "Something Cruel"

( Click here to buy Witchcraft)

Wale - "The Perfect Plan"

( Click here to download The Mixtape About Nothing)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun before the Western world perishes in 2023:

Continue reading "Balance Buddies." »

Posted by Omar at 11:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

No, it's not from the movie. Did that sound like Christine Baranski? Sick." -- Tom, assuring everyone that he played the legit ABBA version of "Does Your Mother Know"

"Oh, absolutely not." -- Spike, informing Tom that John McCain is not running as a Democrat

"Trust me, you want to convince people in Oklahoma to vote for Barack Obama, don't send a bunch of New Yorkers out there, people from the East Village going door-to-door." -- Tom, persuading Cynthia not to ruin the election by invading red states

"It's time to stop with the art. Seriously, people, there's enough art out there. The world needs ditch diggers, too." - Tom (via Judge Smails), getting his fill with a painting of Baby Stewie's murderous fontasies

"Let me, uh, God, what do you kids says, Goople it?" - Dr. Fred Meyers, attempting to research the status of Dire Straits

"Only if my TV set is off and there's a pornographic image on it, yeah." - Dr. Fred Meyers, confirming that his computer monitor is turned on

"Look you old chintz, you needed my help." - Dr. Fred Meyers, billing Tom at his usual $200/rate for an unsolicited 2 cents worth of advice

"You know that you are raw. You are a lump of clay. And I am going to mold you tonight. Will you let me mold you? Can I shape you? -- Tom, getting approval to sculpt his radio Adonis

"I can't understand you, WALL-E. Say Eeeee-vah. Say that." - Tom, dealing with Skype static during Jeff Weigand's anti-Maxwell's rant

"Not that you know of?! What are you all of a sudden gonna accidentally realize you know ventriloquism? That's the kind of thing you'd know about. You kind of set out to become a ventriloquist. Ahhh, what's going on here?! This dummy's talking and my mouth isn't moving!" -- Tom, speculating on the H-Man's dormant talents

"I definitely recommend it because they just add so much blood from necks, and it's all that good stuff. Cannibalism. It's amazing." -- The H-Man, bonding with Spike over the gloriously gory Sweeney Todd

"Oh, you roll. Jeepers! Oh my God, I didn't know I was talking to someone that actually rolls and had a pattern of rolling." -- Bryce, rejoicing about discovering a DIY doobie partner

"It varies between like intense concentration and something I don't really want to talk about. But as Conrad Bain says, 'Diff'rent strokes for people who are un ... uh ... alike.'" -- Bryce, describing Tom's facial expression while playing video games

[Many more quotes to come.]

"Get Off My Phone ... please." -- The H-Man, politely terminating a call

[TBSOWFMU - 8/12/08 / Podmirth / Fan Fiction Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W]

The Lines - "White Night"

( Click here to buy Memory Span)

Digital Leather - "Modulated/Simulated"

( Click here to buy Sorcerer)

The Intelligence - "Sailer Dive"

( Click here to buy Deuteronomy)

Finest Dearest - "Serious"

( Click here to buy Finest Dearest)

Oxford Collapse - "Back of the Yards"

( Click here to buy Bits)

Pas/Cal - "Little Red Radio"

( Click here to buy I Was Raised On Matthew, Mark, Luke & Laura)

Sic Alps - "Sing Song Waitress"

( Click here to buy U.S. EZ)

Mirah - "Don't Go"

( Click here to buy The Old Days Feeling)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun before the Western world perishes in 2023:

Continue reading "The H-Man Cometh." »

Posted by Omar at 1:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"The show is the show." -- Tom, issuing an important reminder amidst conflicting priorities

"The H-Man. Looks like I'm going to have to train him!" -- Spike, booking Tom's protégée for an appointment in the dungeon

"She doesn't hate men, she's just an idiot." -- Spike, refusing to support Katie Couric as Barack Obama's Vice-Presidential running mate

"What is this, Meatballs? Suddenly I'm Morty? Next day I'll find myself asleep out on a bed in the middle of the lake. I'm not Morty." -- Tom, terminating his brief employment as a weekend camp counselor

"You can hunt people in this mall." -- Tom, touting the paintball war zone in West Nyack's version of Heaven

"I WANT THESE CHANNELS OFF MY SYSTEM ... NOW! ... The little things in life SUUUCK!" -- Spike, demanding a la carte cable options instead of packages with fringe networks like ESPN

"I don't need to post on FOTChan to say: NO." - Ted, declining to hire Gavin Rossdale to produce the forthcoming Six-String Warrior

"The day I buy a CD from Starbucks is a day I open up a vein and bid this world goodbye." -- Jason, raging against the machine (unless they stock Stevie Blue vinyl)

"Yeah, like a big is a small, a large is a medium, and then the bigger's a large." -- Philly Boy Roy, running through Wawa's eccentric cup sizes

"I'll get it, I'll get it. Shush your face." - Philly Boy Roy, claiming that he will eventually be able to say mayluganadawiltonorial without Tom's aid

"Spend more time with my family?! Good God, no. I can barely stand them now! They're driving me nuts." -- Philly Boy Roy, maintaining his political aspirations as an escape from the long, hot Ziegler summer

"Everyone has satin sheets up there, right? Even the bums have satin sheets from what I've heard. I'm sorry: hobos." -- Philly Boy Roy, explaining the origin of NYC's little-known "Satin City" nickname

"Dad, make it stop shockin' me. I'm about to pass out." - Roy, Jr., begging his father to disable one of the punishments on Radio Hut's Music Group

"Okay, wait for me to go get another sixer of Yuengling from Wawa. I'll be back in like 40." -- Philly Boy Roy, agreeing to do it after completing an errand

"Oh my God, it's like you're David Coppertone or something. The Amazing Krestskin." -- Philly Boy Roy, marveling at Tom's ability to guess his brilliant SEPERATED AT BERTH headline

"Chocolatier? Why'd I be afraid of a chocolatier? I've been kicking chocolatiers' asses since I was a kid." -- Philly Boy Roy, denying that he is afraid of the Norwegians who have invaded Newbridge

"Okay, I won't even talk about the stabbins or the time I was selling 'shrooms ... at church." -- Philly Boy Roy, declining to further discuss the reasons he is persona au gratin with the Republican Party

"You never know. You never ever ever know, do youse?" - Philly Boy Roy, creepily suggesting that he will orchestrate Tom's murder from his throne

"The idea of you singing me a song is going to knock you straight back into the Stone Age with your comeback." -- Tom, warning Steve from North Hollywood against performing his Best Show mash-up of Queen's Flash Gordon theme

"I want this show to go off the air when it's still fresh. Yeah, like the way Happy Days did, you know what I mean? Happy Days got out while it was still HOT. Like Gunsmoke got out before they wore out their welcome. You know what I mean? Shows like that. You know, shows that didn't hang around too long. Right? Like The Secret Diary of Desmond Pa-feiffer. Shows like that. Get out before you burn people out." -- Tom, finding inspiration for his exit strategy

[TBSOWFMU - 8/5/08 / Podmirth / Fan Fiction Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W]

Volcano Suns - "White Elephant"

( Click here to tell Taang! to bring it)

fIREHOSE - "Brave Captain"

( Click here to buy Ragin', Full 'On)

Husker Dude - "Masochism World"

( Click here to buy Zen Arcade)

Redd Kross - "Burn-Out"

( Click here to buy Born Innocent)

The Geraldine Fibbers - "Seven Or In 10"

( Click here to buy Butch)

The Frogs - "Ocean Tide"

( Click here to buy The Frogs)

The Fluid - "Our Love Will Still Be There"

( Click here to buy Glue/Roadmouth)

Scala Girls Choir - "Teenage Dirtbag" (Wheatus cover)

( Click here to buy On The Rocks)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun before the Western world perishes in 2023:

Continue reading "Sean and Freud." »

Posted by Omar at 2:45 PM | Permalink

"Uh, maybe you've heard of The Battle of Shaker Heights? Anyone? Hello?" - Tom, refreshing Spike's memory on the early Shia LaBoof classic

[More to come.]

"I want you to think about Dogmo before you say anything else you might regret at some point, okay?" -- Dr. Fred Meyers, urging caution as Tom enters his Joyspace

"And this Gabby from Winnipeg? You just let her go like the instant she didn't fit your needs. This is terrible." -- Dr. Meyers, discovering that Tom is not making good progress

"This isn't about that doctor-patient privilege thing, is it?" -- Dr. Meyers, wondering if Tom is concerned about the common law jurisdiction that expires after retirement

"Instead of trying to slash your brother's face with a steak knife, I want you to transmute those feelings of absolute hatred into feelings of absolute pleasure, okay?" -- Dr. Meyers, asking Tom to draw on his newfound tools to avoid the violence of the fudge-fueled, blind rage of his youth

"You know how you're afraid of using public restrooms? Well, he's afraid of using any restroom." -- Dr. Meyers, revealing the affliction of Bryan Jenkins, his former Wednesday 2:30

"Lots of real men have high voices. I just can't think of any of them right now." -- Dr. Meyers, trying to let Tom know that he doesn't have to use a voice modulator

"Well, I did my best. I can't help it if they're completely deranged." -- Dr. Meyers, leaving his unfixable customers to fend for themselves in the psycho trenches

"I'M NOT GOING TO CLOSE MY EYES!" -- Tom, informing his former therapist that he will not go under hypnosis on live radio

"I'm dialing Officer Harrups right now. I'm gonna tell him that you once confessed to killing a migrant work out at Newbridge Farms just to see what it would feel like. They never found the body." -- Dr. Meyers, threatening payback for Tom's refusal to give him Dr. J's phone number

"I think Tom's former shrink needs one himself. That guy was bloody nuts." -- Spike, making a very lucid point on the FOT Board, 8/1/2008

[More to come.]

[TBSOWFMU - 7/29/08 / Podmirth / Fan Fiction Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W]

Guided By Voices - "A Visit To The Creep Doctor"

( Click here to buy Sandbox)

The Fastbacks - "Fortune's Misery"

( Click here to buy New Mansions In Sound)

Sebadoh - "Sister"

( Click here to buy the Bubble & Scrape reissue)

Ponytail - "Sky Drool"

( Click here to buy Ice Cream Spiritual!)

Sic Alps - "Message From The Law"

( Click here to buy A Long Way Around To A Shortcut)

Julie Ocean - "At The Appointed Hour"

( Click here to buy Long Gone and Nearly There)

Wednesday Week - "Perspective"

( Click here to buy the What We Had reissue)

Biff Bang Pow! - "Wouldn't You"

( Click here to buy Waterbomb - The Best Of Biff Bang Pow!)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun before the Western world perishes in 2023:

Continue reading "The Unfixables." »

Posted by Omar at 3:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"Heeeelllloooo, Patton. [demented laughing]" -- Spike, fulfilling Tom's request to creep out/delight one of his biggest fans

"I think he just signed to Just Blaze's record label. He might be a robot, though." -- DJ RiyadhCinnabon Is Not Good To Eat, questioning the construction of D.C. hip-hot artist, Wale.

"What's that, 'Surfin' Bird'? Hey Glenn, he's doing Surfin' Bird!" -- Tank, mistaking Tom's impression of his Halversom-induced stammering for a cover of The Trashmen's hit

"I come here to whip it. I'm not comin' here to end up in second place. I'm not here for second place! I'm here to whip it!" -- Tom, explaining why he had to cut off Laurie's Pitchfork Festival acceptance speech

"Chewin' means you're doing great. Bitin' means you're doing bad." -- B.J. Bryson, helping Tom assess his state of being using his Brysonisms

"Well, it's more like scalding. Nah, I guess technically it is burning because there was bubbling also." -- B.J. Bryson, recalling the injuries caused by buttled projectiles at his legendary Disco Bites

"I'm an equal-opportunity stirrer." -- B.J. Bryson, touting his rallies against Presidential candidates from any political party

"Somehow he used both his hands and like he was bare-bottomed for a second. It was very odd. I'm not sure if I want to be involved with this guy. Of course I do." -- B.J. Bryson, embracing new radio partner Ronald Fuqua moments after he disses Tom with an extremely obscene gesture

"I'm garbage, but if no one else is around, I'm here." -- Tom, analyzing the depressing undercurrent of ABBA's "Take A Chance On Me"

"This guy sounds like he's winded in it, like he just ran a lap before he went into the studio. Like he's doing James Bond stunts and then getting behind the mic." -- Tom, critiquing Pierce Brosnan's best take of ABBA's "SOS"

[Many more quotations to come.]

[TBSOWFMU - 7/22/08 / Podmirth / Fan Fiction Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W]

Kati Kovacs - "Add Már Uram az Esöt!"

( Click here to buy Well Hung - 20 Funk Rock Eruptions From Beneath Communist Hungary Vol. 1)

Melvins - "The Kicking Machine"

( Click here to buy Nude With Boots)

Faith No More - "Digging The Grave"

( Click here to buy King For A Day, Fool For A Lifetime)

Maybe It's Reno - "Drunk Pilot"

( Click here to buy Maybe It's Reno)

Eat Skull - "Punk Trips"

( Click here to buy Sick To Death)

The Dutchess & The Duke - "Out of Time"

( Click here to buy She's the Dutchess, He's the Duke)

Gentleman Jesse & His Men - "Hands Together"

( Click here to buy Gentleman Jesse)

Silkworm - "Lily White & Cherry Red"

( Click here to buy the Chokes! EP)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun before the Western world perishes in 2023:

Continue reading "Brimley Bites." »

Posted by Omar at 2:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"If Dave has me eating meat other than people meat, GOMP him." -- Ted, taking a stand on his potential vegan lapse in "The World Is in the Turlet" video, via IM

"I like that you didn't challenge that also. You accepted that you possess the power to creep people out." -- Tom, noting Spike's embrace of his most obvious and effective superpower

"I like Adam Sandler, but I don't like his movies." -- Spike, offering an odd declaration of fandom for the film star

"You can't cuff a ghost." -- Tom, pointing out the perils of police responding to paranormal activity

"My God, that call was straight outta the Exorcist II: The Her-etic or something, wasn't it?" -- Darren Ploppleton, linking Officer Tom's ghost story to the horror sequel

"Uhhh. You are Zoso stupid, Tom." -- Darren, dissing Tom for not knowing about Jimmy Page's new medical practice

"Can you imagine going down to Jimmy Page's office, and all the nurses are like preppin' you for your like vasectomy or whatever, and you and Pagey are jammin' on 'Black Dogs'?" -- Darren, pondering one of the bonuses of having a guitar hero doctor

"You know, it seems like if I won, which I probably would, I just wouldn't get to spend any time with my family." -- Darren, joining the growing roster of Mayubernatorial dropouts

"It isn't because I'm growing dreadlocks, and you're not, is it?" -- Darren, trying to figure out why Tom is mad at him

"It's almost like the Hilter-Jesus Alliance." -- Darren, referencing an unlikely historical pairing to highlight the irony inherent in his The Spackler-Smails Alliance band

"Come on, we have a song called 'Doody!'" -- Darren, begging Tom to reenact the Caddyshack Baby Ruth pool scene during the debut TS-SA performance at The Lunchpad

"I think you'll be way, way, way down if you don't let Sven take that job." -- Darren, warning Tom about the ramifications of not relinquishing his double-C job to Sven Halversom

"I was like, 'Wow, who is this band? Who's that guy with the big nose and the hair?' Actually, I was like, "Who was that lady with the big nose and the big hair." - Michael K, getting his first glimpse of Mrs. Geddy Lee at a late-1970s Rush show in The Pitts

"I'm movin'. I'm movin' to Toronto. And no one can dissuade me from it." -- Tom, bearing a gift beyond price on the night of Canada's 141st birthday

"I should smear some liverwurst on it, let Dogmo go to town on it." -- Tom, concocting a plan to destroy Adrienne Barbeau's new vampire novel

"Yeah, he was you 30 years ago." -- Tom, schooling Tyler from the LES on David Peel

"I gotta say, we need to fill in the area between Wayne Gretzky and Mo Rocca." -- Tom, looking to populate the huge talent gulf between the Canadian hockey great and the American "fundit"

"It's actually hard for me to pinpoint which of them is more of a suck on the world's energy." -- Joanna from Portland, struggling to place Jared Leto above or below Harmony Korine

"You show up at any half respectable construction site wearing a Devo hat? You'll get beat by some guy with a nail gun. -- Tom, urging against the use of New Wave hardhats in actual work environments

[TBSOWFMU - 7/1/08 / Podmirth / Fan Fiction Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W]

Boris - "Laser Bean"

( Click here to buy Smile)

Granicus - "When You're Movin'"

( Click here to visit Granicus on Myplace!)

Made Out of Babies - "Buffalo"

( Click here to buy The Ruiner)

Unrest - "Can't Sit Still" (from Tink of S.E.)

( Click here to buy Unrest recordings)

Epoxies - "Molded Plastic"

( Click here to buy Epoxies)

Sybris - "Burnout Babies"

( Click here to acquire Into the Trees)

Liz Phair - "Stratford-on-Guy"

( Click here to buy the Exile in Guyville reissue)

Guided By Voices - "Dig Through My Window"

( Click here to buy The Pipe Dreams of Instant Prince Whippet)

Bonus Track:

Big Dipper - "Jet" (Wings cover)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun before the Western world perishes in 2023:

Continue reading "The Working Man." »

Posted by Omar at 12:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"Hello? Is this the program? I don't know. Do I start? I guess I can start. Is this it? No? It's not? Ok. I thought that was it. This is not the show? What's that guy pointing at me for? Supposed to start? Oh, it is the show. I'm sorry." -- A confused Gene, attempting to host The Best Show

"That ain't gonna happen. Not on my watch." -- Spike, vowing to thwart Hillary Clinton's plans to create a "Planet of the Women"

"They should charge him for that seat. Those are courtside seats he's tying up." -- Tom, looking to collect from the immobile, jerk-whistling Phil Jackson

"My stomach just said, 'Why are you calling?'" -- Tom, translating his growly greeting for Julie from Cincinnati

"I should go get a tetanus shot. Can you get tetanus from dirt? I'm probably addicted to cocaine now. I probably have a drug problem from getting that dirt in my mouth." -- Tom, pondering the consequences of the gusts of Brooklyn marching soil during the Death Cab for Cutie rock concert

"You know what? You got me, Brooklyn. How dare I step to you, think I could win. I lost. I lost. You win, Brooklyn. Congratulations. You did it." -- Tom, admitting defeating after a full-on monsoon sent him staggering like a cadaver to Enid's

"So then I'm sitting there eating a thing of fries and a bun with shredded iceberg lettuce and mustard on it. That's a lowpoint. I'm gonna say that's a lowpoint. True lowpoint." -- A deliriously hungry Tom, dining on a toppings sandwich at Five Brothers Guys in York, PA

They can fly! These guys can fly! But they choose to walk across the street and everybody with their fancy motorcars is stuck at their mercy." -- Tom, explaining the beauty of The Best Thing on Earth

"It was definitely sounds of like bears and people running away like in a funny way." -- Weirder Jon, catching some campers watching a camping movie

"Well, you could be the funny one. No one's really funny. I should stop talking." -- Liz from Chicago, inadvertently throwing NPR under the bus

"Art thieves? Art forgers? Elmyr de Hory?" -- Tom, speculating on Officer Tom Laurie's topic entry

"I'll go to Radio Disney, play songs from High School Musical. Get an interview with Zach and Cody. Make them have a "Beat It"-style knife fight." -- Tom, getting ready to not do the toilet talk

"I saw a thing on the Southern Weather Service that said the weather in Birmingham is hotter than the Devil's drawers." - Tom, penning a joke for possible sale to Bill Engvall

"It blew me out of the water. I was just devastated by it. I love the show, and the movie was just like Bukowski." -- The edgy Laura from Ridgewood (aka "The Jersey Spike"), expressing disgust at the misogynistic Sex and the City film

"He goes on Gregslist. I think that's the porn one. Craigslist is the normal one. He goes on Gregslist. There's some guy named Greg, who operates it from his jail cell." -- Tom, revealing the website "Mike" used to sell phone numbers obtained during his SatC opening night ruse

"No, I'm sweating right now. I just finished the legs and back.."-- A reinvigorated Petey Rollins, rising from the bongwater for intense P90X workouts

"It was a weird family telling a story about a weird family. I found myself strangely touched by it." -- Tom, double-dipping on Speed Racer in IMAX

"The World Is in the Turlet Plus 10 Catchy Toe-Tappers. That's my pitch for the album title." -- Tom, sending TLRx's career into the titular turlet

[TBSOWFMU - 6/17/08 / Podmirth / Fan Fiction Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W]

Iron Maiden - "Wasted Years"

( Click here to buy Somewhere In Time)

Compulsive Gamblers - "Way I Feel About You"

( Click here to buy Crystal Gazing Luck Amazing)

Prisonshake - "Always Almost There"

( Click here to buy The Roaring Third)

Olivelawn - "Major Label Blues"

( Click here to buy Sophomore Jinx)

Bum Kon - "The Draft"

( Click here to buy Bum Kon)

Tilly and The Wall - "Dust Me Off"

( Click here to buy O)

Close Lobsters - "Pathetique"

( Click here to buy Foxheads Stalk This Land)

Vivian Girls - "All the Time"

( Click here to visit the Vivian Girls on Myspace)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun before the Western world perishes in 2023:

Continue reading "Everything In Its Right Place." »

Posted by Omar at 3:58 PM | Permalink

"You cannot have the word 'turlet' in the song." -- Paul F. Tompkins, questioning Tom's chorus via IM

"You're really gonna make Ted sing 'turlet'?" - PFT, still in disbelief about 30 minutes before the World Premiere

"I never said this about one of my own songs before, but this song is amazing." -- Ted Leo, touting the completed turlet rock via IM

Big Steve is on the drum set
Counting it four by four
Little Jimmy jamming the six-string
Giving the people more
Count Violence bringing the low-end
Cuz that's all that he knows what to do
And my name's Ted
That's what I said

And the western world will perish in 15 years!!!!!!!!!

And then in the year 16, when the world is clean
Clean of this hipster scene
Well all their ghosts will scream for what their souls have seen
And the tapas they could have been eating

But
The world is in the turlet
The world is in the turlet
The world is in the turlet
And we're all gonna die

Aw
The world is in the turlet
The world is in the turlet
The world is in the turlet
So don't ask why

Come on!
Nothing to drink, I've got nothing to eat
I'm barely alive, I'm dead on my feet
The East River boiled and belched up a cadaver
The corpse walked to Enid's for a drink and some palaver

And
The world is in the turlet
The world is in the turlet
The world is in the turlet
And we're all gonna die

Yeah
The world is in the turlet
The world is in the turlet
The world is in the turlet
So don't ask why

Cuz
The proof is in the pudding
The proof is in the pudding
The proof is in the pudding
And you don't ask why

I said
The proof is in the pudding
The proof is in the pudding
The proof is in the pudding
So give it a try

It!
Was!
Supposed!
To Be!
My Moment!
Of!
Triumph!

[TBSOWFMU - 6/3/08 / Podmirth / Fan Fiction Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W]

Harvey Milk - "Barnburner"

( Click here to buy Life ... the Best Game in Town)

Bash & Pop - "Fast & Hard"

( Click here to buy Friday Night Is Killing Me)

Jucifer - "Blackpowder"

( Click here to buy L' Autrichienne)

Hot Snakes - "Why Does It Hurt"

( Click here to buy Suicide Invoice)

King's X - "I Don't Know"

( Click here to buy XV)

Monochrome Set - "The Jet Set Junta"

( Click here to buy The Independent Singles Collection)

For Against - "Don't Do Me Any Favors"

( Click here to buy Aperture)

The Spinanes - "Oceanside"

( Click here to buy Strand)

**********

Ted Leo & the Pharmacists - "The World Is in the Turlet"*

*Per several linguistics scholars, it's "turlet" -- accept no substitutes!

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun before the world perishes:

Continue reading "The Moment of Triumph." »

Posted by Omar at 3:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"Maybe it's time. Maybe it's payday. Time for a payday. Turn this show into that Jimmy Parton show." -- Tom, considering monetizing his real radio empire

"Don't do this to me, ABBA box. Just go! Go! Come back. No, go! Just go. I cannot look at you." Tom, struggling to give his blue buddy the (temporary) boot

"More pizza, slave!" -- Problem children, demanding additional substenance at a birthday bash

"A lot of marble. A lot of marble went into that." - Tom, considering the amount of raw material required for the Pig Champion statue in Portland, OR.

"Mommy, the man with the laptop is staring at me! Now go get me a cookie!" -- Junior on Steroids, detecting Tom's gaze-holding challenge

"I can arrange for someone to re-arrange my schedule." - Spike, outsourcing the difficult task of freeing up enough time to make his WFMU hosting debut

"It would be so great if a hawk flew down and thought it saw like a boll weevil running on some guy's head. Aw, food! Eeee-awww! And like grabs the rug off his head." -- Tom, looking forward to a bird of prey Jamesing James at the Ted Leo Castle Clinton show

"You should pour maple syrup all over him." -- Ted Leo, contributing to his brothers' Unholy Childhood at a local IHOP

I'll be really honest -- it was very, very, very, very touch-and-go for awhile. Oh my god, we were so scared." -- Bill, misleading Tom about his mother's condition

"She was shredding their reams. They have a lot of reams to shred." -- Bill, explaining that his mom was super swamped with Newbridge Episcopalian's reams

"They're definitely all first editions. The copy I have of Slaughterhouse-Five -- it's in christine prediction. So perfect." - Bill, noting the condition of the Vonnegut book he got signed by Dick Francis

"Guess who it's signed by? All. four. members ... and Peter Benchley." -- Bill, revealing an unusual addition to his autographed The White Album

"You don't have to lie. You couldn't make it to the game, it's okay. It's not that big of a deal. - Tom, trying to coax Bill back towards the truth

"I'd been bad, and my Mommy put the tape on top of the fridge where I couldn't get it down." -- Bill, providing a reason for not bringing his advance copy of Tears for Fears's The Seeds of Love to school

"It doesn't have a clock, but I can keep in constant contact with Nassau." - Bill, noting one of the cool features of his high-death cell phone

"That guy has some bad bedside manner, doesn't he? He's rude." -- Bill, criticizing Dr. Gregory House's interactions with patients

"Thanks. Some friend you are. You sicken me." -- Bill, chiding Tom for lying about his arrival time for their pre-Prong Battler Butler meetup

"I said that I had stress throat, and, um, I was actually on a renaissance mission with Senator McCain." -- Bill, admitting the ruse he pulled on Old Man Dalrymple

"It sounds like your kind of losing enthusiasm for your own lying." - Tom, sensing Bill's fib fatigue

Yep. With my bass. - Bill, revealing how he entertained the troops in Iraq

[TBSOWFMU - 5/13/08 / Podmirth / Fan Fiction Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W]

Volcano Suns - "Sea Cruise"

( Click here to e-mail Taang! about delivering those supposed TBOY and ANLP re-issues)

Witch - "Disappear"

( Click here to buy Paralyzed)

Tad - "Flame Tavern"

( Click here to buy the documentary Busted Circuits & Ringing Ears)

Scrawl - "Breaker, Breaker"

( Click here to buy He's Drunk)

Q And Not U - "Lil' Sparky"

( Click here to buy No Kill No Beep Beep)

We Ragazzi - "Being Alive Is Like Vandalizing"

( Click here to buy Suicide Sound System)

The Old Haunts - "Hurricane Eyes"

( Click here to buy Poisonous Times)

Hard Skin - "Desperation Street"

( Click here to buy Live and Loud!! & Skinhead)

Bonus Track:

Wellwater Conspiracy - "Born With A Tail"

Nu är det dags för oss att samlas och fira de saker vi gillar och tycker är kul:

Continue reading "Shredding Regimes." »

Posted by Omar at 10:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

"Yeah, she's dead! She's not involved in this election. You goofball." -- Tom, informing Spike that hardcore feminist Andrea Dworkin will not impact the 2008 Presidential race

"You know, 'cause he's like an old-time Viking, he knows all the ways of the old-time Vikingery ways of, uh, murdering." -- Rodney from Newbridge, revealing why Hägar the Doo-Wopper easily disposed of a member of The Moonglows

"Show me a logo that's dumber than a leprechaun promoting a basketball team." -- Tom, denouncing the basketball-spinning, pipe-smoking, vest-wearing, shillelagh-wielding Celtics mascot

"We're skewing old. I gotta skew young. What am I going to do to skew young tonight? Grand Theft Auto, y'all! What up?!" -- Tom, getting things back on track after a diversion into doo wop, Wacky Packs, and Murphy beds

"That's kind of a metaphor for my life, actually. Bad onion rings at Holsten's." -- Ted Leo, encapsulating his existence via subpar Sopranos communion wafers

"Oh, I wish I was making up Disco Fries." -- Tom, lamenting the sad truth about New Jersey's take on poutine

[More to come.]

"Oh, come on! The wall's buckling, you idiot." -- Zachary Brimstead, Esq., expressing frustration at Mike's inability to squeeze him through the studio doorframe

"Oh, yeah. It's good when it ripens." -- ZB, touting the fermented egg salad atop a six-week-old submarine sandwich

"They're easier to hose out that way. We got them from the local horse racing track." -- ZB, explaining his decision to use metal buckets as serving vessels at his new Brimstead's eateries

"He beats his nemesi with his iron cumberbund." -- ZB on Weird Walter's weapon of choice in the new Trent L. Strauss production

"That oil is oily, yeah. A lot of my lovers have complained about it." -- ZB on the extreme slickness of his preferred lubricant

"Thought Police in effect, here they are! Yeah. You're worse than Officer Harrups." -- ZB, condemning Tom for waving off the second verse of Napalm Death's anti-corporate screed, "Polluted Minds"

"Well, I'll make that headache go away right now! Answer me one question: Do ya love Deicide?" -- ZB, attempting to soothe Tom's pain with something from the Tampa, FL., death metal legends

"Maybe that guy there will sign my petition. He looked like a Nazi." -- ZB, considering a visit to Das Sieben Und Der Elf to get his 37th signature

[More to come.]

[TBSOWFMU - 5/6/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W]

King's X - "We Are Finding Who We Are" (for DfK)

( Click here to buy Faith Hope Love)

The Night Marchers - "Bad Bloods"

( Click here to buy See You In Magic)

Sloan - "Not A Kid Anymore"

( Click here to pre-order Parallel Play)

The Downsiders - "Goodnight Troll"

( Click here to visit Cole Marquis on the Myspace)

Thalia Zedek - "We Don't Go"

( Click here to buy Liars and Prayers)

Evangelista - "Truth Is Dark Like Outer Space"

( Click here to buy the Hello, Voyager)

The (F) Champs - "Lee Tom" (from "Second 7 inch")

( Click here to buy The F Champs Records)

Enslaved - "The Dead Stare" (for masterofsparks)

( Click here to buy Below The Lights )

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "Deicide 2008." »

Posted by Omar at 1:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"Actually, you must be listening down in Alabama. This line of mockery is not tracking." -- Tom, ending a riff about the Internet being unavailabe in the southern state

"Oh, it sounds great. It's like I'm gettin' crushed by the waves down at Barnegat." -- Philly Boy Roy, riding the reverb during his performance of "And We Danced"

"There will be slathering, why? Oh yeah, there will be squishing, too, yeah." -- Philly Boy Roy, detailing his plans for transferring Zachary Brimstead from his home to his Pacer

"He did hate me, actually. You know why? 'Cause I threw a stick of butter at him one night." -- PBR, explaining why "He Hate Me" hate him

"Ok, thought it'd be something else." - PBR, surprised to find out that San Francisco's XFL team was called the Demons

"Oh, Sahib, please just school me." -- PBR, requesting a lesson from renowned Yes scholar, Tom Scharpling

"Oh, yeah, I don't think we should have that. Because I don't think we should go in and get people's stems." -- PBR, stating his position on the controversial issue

"No, don't! Don't do it, host! The transformation is almost complete! I don't like it!" -- Paul F. Tompkins, begging Tom not to further Philly-ize him with Bill Conti's Rocky anthem

"You know what I hate about Apollo Creed?" -- PBR, asking PFT to pinpoint his aversion to Rocky's ring rival

"I think I know." -- PFT, realizing that Creed is an African-American man

"You know what's already turning me off on this? The YouTube still of it." -- Tom, approaching Meat Loaf's AT&T GoPhone commercial with extreme trepidation

"You know where I was? I was in Kensington whipping firecrackers at kids going to see the Dead Kennedys." -- PBR, indicating how he spent his leisure time in 1983

"Can I say one thing? Pimply. Kind of a turn-on. You're not wearing like Chuck Taylors without socks are ya? 'Cause that's the second big turn-on." -- PBR, revealing his skewed fontasy to Julie from Cincinnati

"A bellboy is a boy. Jane Wiedlin is a hot lady." -- PBR, setting Tom straight on Clue's singing telegramist

"You don't like Tarantino because you think that he's a smug creep." -- PBR, making an astute assessment of Tom's rejection of the filmmaker

"Who don't love a good SEPTA joke?" -- PBR, asking a question that has haunted Philadelphia comedians for decades

"Are you wearing the skin of the person who sold you those Chocolate Skittles?" -- Tom, inquiring about the attire of Wes, The Hillside Strangler

"I feel like I've got a lot to bring to this town." -- PFT, reluctantly tossing his finely-tailored suit into the ring

[TBSOWFMU - 4/22/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W]

The Replacements - "Perfectly Lethal"

( Click here to buy the Let It Be reissue)

Plastic Constellations - "Hardland / Heartland"

( Click here to buy We Appreciate You)

Busted Statues - "Red Clouds"

( Click here to visit Busted Statues on Myspace)

Bullet Lavolta - "The Gift"

( Click here to buy The Gift)

Northern Bushmen - "Neat, Neat, Neat" (The Damned cover)

( Click here to visit Northern Bushmen on Myspace)

Antietam - "Sink or Swim"

( Click here to buy Everywhere Outside)

Titus Andronicus - "My Time Outside The Womb"

( Click here to buy The Airing of Grievances)

Bike - "My Love My Life"

( Click here to read about the Abbasalutely compilation)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "Philly Boy Paul." »

Posted by Omar at 10:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"You think they'll get this one? Think they'll get it? A little clue: check you calendar. Check your calendar on this one. Check your calendar, and then maybe you'll get the joke." - Tom, dropping some hints about his timely spin of "Taxman"

"Oh, there's many more things I've done, but, you know, I figured I'd start with that." -- Leon Carbone, purging the guilt about a $20 paper route theft

"Not even gonna say what it's a stain of, just trust me. It was gross." -- Tom, declining to reveal a civilian gamer's complete filth handle

"I'd be shootin' down the bad guys left and right, flying all over doin' loops." - Tom, touting his (real) fighter pilot skills following a brief tutorial

"What if that was Heaven? What if you passed away, right, and all of a sudden you realized Heaven was Ridgewood, N.J.?" -- Tom, asking a caller to consider the possibility that he's already living in the holiest tract of God's Country

"Mike says he wrote vampire books. He's disputing your claim that he didn't write a vampire book. Mike says he wrote a book called Bleh Bleh." - Tom, informing Bonnie about Mike's (mis)understanding of Christopher Buckley's bibliography

"Where will you get the nice food from? A different city?" - Tom, wondering where Stephen in Chicago will get the good eats to entice him for a visit

"I thought it was comin' back when he said that AriZona Iced Tea was healthy because it was from Arizona." - Weirder Jon, waiting for Petey to go on another Hot streak

"You know the Rolling Thunder Revue? Mike was in that. He played kungas." -- Tom, informing a Dylan enthusiast about Mike's role in the traveling caravan

"My hands!!!!!! My hands!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!! I can no longer weave magic!!" -- A professional gamer, breaking his fall -- and shattering his fontasies -- after slipping outside a McDonald's

"Wouldn't a Thermos be on the ultimate hot streak and cold streak?" -- Tom, striking topical gold with a vacuum flask

"I'm looking forward to it because I'm gonna rip Dr. Pepper off so much with that." -- Tom, getting very thirsty for some Chinese Democracy

"USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!" -- Tom, chanting for his country after a caller put the American dollar on a Cold streak in the international currency markets

"Wait, let me get this straight, you are DJ, yet you don't know who Black Sabbath is. Ok! Looks like I took you to school, no?" -- Newly-frocked Pablo Fontana, advising Tom on the value of the Ronnie James Dio era

"Well, you know, it gives me pleasure. It gives a lot of people various pleasures." -- Pablo Fontana, justifying his use of the controversial "apparatus"

"I think I know why. He is Nazi." - Pablo Fontana, speculating on the Pope's refusal to kiss the D.C. tarmac

"What about call screener Sherman? Will he be there? - Pablo Fontana, trying to line up guests for his four-hour Pancake Communion

"What is thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" -- Pablo Fontana, requesting a definition of the term "ecumenical"

"Lot of people talked the s hit about tu." - Pablo Fontana, noting that many Newbridge parishioners criticized Tom while in his confession booth

"Look, Michael Jordan would have no idea who I am, but if he met me, he'd see it. He'd see the aura. He'd give me the nod." -- Tom, explaining that greatness recognizes greatness

"That's right. I was waiting for somebody to say that! Why do you think I even did this stupid topic?" -- Tom, rejoicing after Jason put The Best Show on an eight-year hot streak

[TBSOWFMU - 4/15/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W]

Dead Child - "Screaming Skull"

( Click here to buy Attack)

Turbonegro - "Get It On"

( Click here to buy Apocalypse Dudes)

Void - "Ignorant People"

( Click here to buy Faith/Void/Faith)

The Faith - "Nightmare"

( Click here to buy Faith/Void/Faith)

The Tokeleys - "Mausoleum" (from Sons of Horus)

( Click here to visit The Tokeleys' Myspace page [Also check out Ponce De Leon L.A.)

The Kyle Sowashes - "Korea"

( Click here to buy Yeah Buddy!)

Go Sailor - "The Boy Who Sailed Around the World"

( Click here to buy Go Sailor)

The Great Plains - "The Way She Runs A Fever"

( Click here to buy Length of Growth 1981-89)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "Syrup Tissues." »

Posted by Omar at 10:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

"If I walk outside, it's like a museum of rednecks, but we don't have a museum of cigarettes." -- Andy from Knoxville, filling Tom in on the local tourist attractions

"I hate men, and if I am President ..." -- Hillary Clinton, addressing primary voters last week outside a Wawa in Roxboro, PA

"Someone might want to check the books. Hoboken might be bankrupt." -- Tom, blowing the whistle on the city's corrupt comptroller after Mickey Dolenz was announced as the headler for the Arts & Music Festival

"You better not show up here next week in a Sgt. Pepper's outfit. I'll throw you off the roof." -- Tom, threatening Mike with bodily harm if he dons the blue satin suet

"Jersey comes though like an ink stain sometimes." -- Tom, spotting a woman wearing a Bon Jovi jacket at the NY Metro Beatles Fest

"I literally think I saw a guy with two heads walking around at this thing. I think this might have been some nuclear testing ground." -- Tom, mixing it up with the mutants at the Englishtown Flea Market

Oh, Tom. All you wanted were bootlegs. Is that so much to ask for? I thought this was America? I got three copies of Gone Troppo, that doesn't entitle me? Bootleg guy got raided." -- Tom, lamenting his failure to score the good stuff

"My flame wasn't as big, but it had a bigger impact ... on my brain, anyway." -- Bryce, noting the potency of his alternate Olympic torch/bong

"Oh my God, now you're pointing a gun at me! Oh my God! No!" -- Bryce, begging for mercy from an old, white-haired man who is not Tom Scharpling

"Maybe he appreciates pageantry!" -- Tom, suggesting an alternative reason for Doddy's enjoyment of Busby Berkeley musicals

[More to come.]

"I said like 'damn' and stuff." -- Pudge, losing his cool after hitting his thumb with a hammer and stuff

"Well, it's like, it's like the seventh note of like this, I don't know, it's like, you know, of this scale, and there's like, you know, after like that note happens, there's like this, I don't know, there's this big desire like to kinda resolve to the tonic. You know, the tonic and stuff." -- Pudge, explaining a crucial fakeout in the second movement of Gustav Mahler's "Symphony No. 5 in C-Sharp Minor"

"It's just kinda like stupid stuff I do and stuff." -- Pudge, downplaying his renowned composing career

"Like a baby could run and stuff. I 'unno, I mean, if it, I 'unno, I guess if its dad said it was OK and stuff? Or its mom and stuff? -- Pudge, wondering if a Newbridge newborn could run for mayor with parental consent

"I don't know, probably like have you put to death and stuff." -- Pudge, tentatively announcing his first act in office

[TBSOWFMU - 4/8/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W]

Lost Sounds - "Future Touch"

( Click here to buy the Future Touch EP)

Bad Times - "Listen to the Band"

( Click here to buy Bad Times)

Game Theory - "24" (from Real Nighttime)
Game Theory - "Make Any Vows" (from The Big Shot Chronicles)
Game Theory - "Chardonnay" (from Lolita Nation)
Game Theory - "Room For One More, Honey" (from 2 Steps From The Middle Ages)

( Click here to buy OOP Game Theory things)

The Pastels - "Empty House" (from the "Crawl Babies" 12")

( Click here to buy A Truckload of Trouble: 1986-1993)

Eat Skull - "No Intelligence"

( Click here to buy the "Dead Families" 7")

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "Stuff and Junk." »

Posted by Omar at 9:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"Let's get this over with." -- Tom, deciding to get the party started after a 47-minute opening music set

"Oh, good. Drinking and radio don't mix." -- Julie, approving of Tom's sobriety

"I made fun of Mark & Mindy? You didn't like that? You didn't find my Mark & Mindy joke funny?" -- Tom, inquiring about Jerry from Boulder's rejection of his ribbing

"You don't sleep. You don't sleep! Stay haunted! You stay haunted by it! You don't think I'm haunted? I got the weight of the world on my shoulders!" -- Tom, unleashing a directive for a littlehearted boy

"The grandmother was irascible." -- Sleepy Jeff on Mindy's guff-averse music store boss

"I do, yeah, and then I'm fit as a fiddle for the rest of the day." -- Sleepy Jeff, touting the benefits of his 22.5 hours of shut-eye

"Oh my God, that's sick." -- Sleepy Jeff, appalled by Tom's meager 6 hours/night

"A guy can talk on the phone and drive at the same time -- I've got two knees." -- Sleepy Jeff, assuring Tom that he is still driving the bus

"They had that, yes, but they also did something in that that resulted in me." -- Jeep Cherokee Wilson, noting his parents unnatural "bangathon" in his namesake vehicle

"He looks so normal that he doesn't look human. That's how I picture Roger looking." -- J.C. Wilson, comparing Mike's appearance to the crime sketch of hijacker D.B. Cooper

"I mean, the things you could see." -- J.C. Wilson, pointing out a self-inflammatory advantage of being 3' 1''

"He ain't in the pros no more? What he gonna do now?" -- J.C. Wilson, pondering the future of the cocaine-addled slugger Barry Barnes

"What about the one that said you were gonna die during your show?" -- J.C. Wilson, asking Tom about the veracity of the vision of his death-by-harpooning

"Think about it. That's my art! Think about it. That's my installation." -- Tom, urging Erika from Baltimore to look deeper into his imminent death from side-splitting pain

"It's not the topic! You guys can't make up topics! Put 'em forth. 'Yeah, I heard the topic.' That's not the topic. You go call Herbie's house if you wanna to talk about first-world problems. That's not the topic. How dare you. Herbie. Guy's name's Herbie." -- Tom, fed up with a Philadelphia duo's attempts to run the show

"Wait'll you hear that one, Mike. 10:44, you're in for a big laugh. Brace yourself. Just get ready. You're probably still hearing when Jeep called right now, but some good stuff on the way." -- Tom, giving advance notice of some Tommert-based amusements

"You got James'd! YOU GOT JAMES'D! I JAMES'D JAMES! HOW'DYA LIKE THEM APPLES?! Actually, apples are not my favorite fruit, BUT NOW THEY ARE! YOU GOT JAMES'D, JAMES! YOU GOT JAMES'D!" -- Tom, turning the tables on the toupee-wearing troublemaker

"How could you pass on that combo: Schwimmer! Michael Ian Black!" -- Tom, questioning Paul from Staten Island's reluctance to pay to see Run, Fat Boy, Run at Hylan Boulevard's luxurious moviehouse

"Remember, Tom. Remember, Tom. Remember. Sunrise doesn't last all morning, Tom. Sunrise doesn't last all morning. Remember, Tom. All things must pass. Remember. Remember that. All thing must pass. Remember. All things must pass. Remember. All things must pass. Remember, Tom. All things must pass. Remember. Remember ..." -- Tom, blowing the clouds away

[TBSOWFMU - 4/1/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Headquarters / S&W]

Stevie Blue & Martina McBride - "I Left My Chocolate-Covered Heart in the Foothills of Los Altos"

( Click here to visit KFJC)

Psychedelic Horse s hit - "Rather Dull"

( Click here to buy Magic Flowers Droned)

Didjits - "Headless" (Dickies cover)

( Click here to buy the F the Pigs 7")

The Black and Whites - "Carlsbad"

( Click here to buy The Black and Whites)

Izzy Stradlin and the Ju Ju Hounds - "Bucket O' Trouble"

( Click here to buy Izzy Stradlin and the Ju Ju Hounds)

The Individuals - "Dancing With My Eighty Wives"

( Click here to pre-order the Fields / Aqua Marine reissue)

Dumptruck - "Wire" (dedicated to the departed The Wire section of the FOT Board)

( Click here to buy For The Country)

The Raymond Brake - "Philistine"

( Click here to buy Piles of Dirty Winters)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "All Things Must Pass." »

Posted by Omar at 9:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"You know who's a huge classical buff? No one I know!" -- Tom, looking for actual fans and finding none

"No one get killed like that kid did in the movie. If you're gonna get killed, pay your pledge first. Let that be your final act of paying it forward." -- Tom, asking listeners to avoid the fate of young Haley Joel Osment until they do the right thing

"Wait. You mean Kim Fowley pulled a fast one on somebody? What? Hold on. He was less than honest? Are you sure it's the same Kim Fowley?" -- Tom, questioning the identity of a supposed scam artist at the Pan-American ticket counter

"That's the only band I really wanted to see besides Half Japanese and The Slits." -- Michael K of The Cynics, lamenting the scheduling conflicts that prevented him from seeing Hanson at SX

"Is this Beatle Bob? You're not Beatle Bob, are you?" -- Michael K, trying to identify the caller who took offense to his geographical zings

"Am I here? Is this my show? I thought it was. I'm gonna go home. Mike, let these two guys do the show." -- Tom, moving to the back of the bus during a steamrolling discussion of Southern cuisine

"How many teams do they have? And do they play in their robes, like the full robes?" -- Tom, inquiring about the representation and attire of the KKK squads entered in the Whirlyball Nationals

"It's gonna flop hard. It's gonna flop harder than the sweat pouring down James's forehead, loosening that cheap toupee of his." -- Tom, predicting the box-office fate of The Love Guru

"I'd like to slam his fingers in that desk drawer, maybe get him to wake up for once." -- Tom, rousing This American Life host Ira Glass from his terminal slumber

"Oh, good, it has 'Pipeline' on it." -- Paycheque, rejoicing in a choice Johnny Thunders import 10"

"Exactamundo." -- Greg from Baltimore

"They coulda used Mountain." -- Nate from St. Paul, proposing a suitable BOC alternative for the "More Cowbell" sketch

"Tom Starplin, I love you, but you gotta stop GOMPin' Lair-ee." -- A hopeless pupil, disappointing his mentor yet again

"That might make him the best kind of caller: the guy who brings the energy of someone who would curse, but doesn't curse." -- Tom, praising Sonny from JC's ability to walk the delicate line in his takedown of late-period Al Pacino

"Yeah, you sound stupid." -- Tom, detecting a lot of unintelligent callers during the "Coffin Talk" segment

"I don't build coffins, I shop for 'em." -- Tom, declining to respond to a question about the ideal wood for a sturdy construction

"My throat. My throat hurts so much. I can't do it anymore. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it anymore!" -- Tom, rising from the grave

"Apparently, you want it all. Apparently, you want to hear 'Layla' and get in-depth news coverage." - Tom, informing a caller that he's asking way too much of his classic rock radio station

[TBSOWFMU - 3/25/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Headquarters / S&W]

Coffin Break - "Boxes and Boxes"

( Click here to buy No Sleep 'Til the Stardust Motel)

Torche - "Across The Shields"

( Click here to pre-order Meanderthal)

Final Solutions - "In A Coma"

( Click here to buy Songs by Solutions)

The Marked Men - "Fix My Brain"

( Click here to buy Fix My Brain)

Monkeywrench - "Levitation"

( Click here to buy Gabriel's Horn)

Thee Headcoatees - "Just Like A Dog"

( Click here to buy Bozstik Haze)

Mission of Burma - "Progress"

( Click here to buy the Matador re-issues)

Lungfish - "Nation Saving Song"

( Click here to buy Love is Love)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "Coffin Talk." »

Posted by Omar at 10:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

To the muxtape crew.

Posted by DOP at 3:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"They say don't talk too closely. I talk too closely! I do what I want. Best Show time! -- Tom, ignoring his CSB training on microphone proximity in order to Bring It

"Where's my All Things Must Pass? Where's mine? When do I do one? Where's my epic? Where's my titanic effort that stands the test of time. Where?" -- Tom, forgetting about his glorious body of work

"I'm not sure who's changed. Maybe we're meeting in the middle somewhere." -- Tom, trying to figure out how he and Spike ended up on a park bench reminiscing about the Chucky franchise

"He was doin' somethin' gay." -- Nate Hartley, explaining why Drake Bell was unable to appear in Drillbit Taylor

"If I look at my Myspace mood status, quixotic, I think. I'm up to the Q's, still tiltin' at windwills." -- Michael K from The Cynics, checking in from The Pitts by way of La Mancha

"People lookin' at me sideways like I get a piece of the pie. How dare you." -- Tom, scolding his colleagues for not parading him around like Cleopatra for his marathon triumph

"Oh, no, they're the main stuff. That's the main mahkets." -- Marky Ramone, claiming that Columbia, SC, and Raleigh, NC are in the top tier of Southern touring itineraries

"Oh, it's totally clean except for what actually happened." -- Marky Ramone, prefacing his tale of an emergency bathroom stop at a pock on the way back from Toad's Place

"Oh, why didn't I put this in the book, too? There was this one time when we were playing, I think it was in Houston, it was on Acid Eaters tour, and I don't know what was going on, but I kept dropping sticks all night. I must've dropped like seven of 'em." -- Marky Ramone, digging up some dirt for a non-electrifying conclusion to one of the best stories in Hey Ho Let's A Drummer's Life

"Why can't people keep his name straight? It's a very easy name to remember." -- Tom on the innoxuous Call Screener named Mike

"People want me to be like a butterfly. Whadda they put butterfiles in? Amber? Like I'm supposed to be preserved in December of 2007 forever." -- Tom, letting Juno go

"Hey, everyone, cool out on the Internet." -- Top touring comic Todd Barry, calling for some decorum after a flurry of harsh comments from dorm room tough guys

"You don't wanna see 33 bands in one day and not shower?" -- Todd Barry, wondering why Tom has no interest in attending SX

"That would be very exciting. He's very funny." -- Tom, looking forward to Todd Barry's comedic collaboration with Max Weinberg

"If Christ showed up and started talking, you kinda can get the point after two hours of anyone." -- Tom, getting into the whole (relative) brevity thing

"Chappelle's goin' long, tell Nancy to stay there. We'll give her another $6." -- A SF Punchline waitress, working overtime for a marathon set

"Oh, I was gonna do this great cheese joke. Not that I would ever talk about cheese, 'cause I'm a political comic." -- Todd Barry on the perils of burned premises when performing deep into a multi-act bill

"You don't listen to Robert Johnson all day like I do?" -- Todd Barry, questioning a caller who prefers more modern music and comedy

"Not only was it a dirty show, it was like the filthiest show I've seen in a long time. I mean, everything you could possibly think of in terms of sexual acts was mentioned." -- Todd Barry, noting the ribald nature of the recent Julie & Jackie show attended by two little girls

"I live off of plant scraps." -- Swiss Miss, Todd Barry's sole female fan, revealing her source of Spokane sustenance

"Our sleaze is sleazier than their sleaze. They start doin' their sleaze, we out-sleaze them." -- Tom, celebrating another NJ victory over NYC courtesy of a bored skee-ball technician

"Like The Lockhorns on crystal meth?" -- Tom, pondering the domestic tumult of Richard and Julie from Cincinnati

[TBSOWFMU - 3/18/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Headquarters / S&W]

Todd Barry - "Old Navy, Short Shop"

( Click here to buy From Heaven [also available in the Gospel section at f.y.e.])

Jucifer - "Window (Where The Sea Falls Forever)"

( Click here to buy L'autrichienne)

Rocket From The Crypt - "Pigeon Eater"

( Click here to buy RIP)

Small 23 - "Noodles"

( Click here to buy Small (23) stuff)

The Oblivians - "Mary Lou"

( Click here to buy Play 9 Songs With Mr. Quintron)

Birds of Avalon - "The Reeds"

( Click here to buy the Outer Upper Inner EP)

Big Dipper - "Life Inside The Cemetery"

( Click here to buy Supercluster: The Big Dipper Anthology)

Dodos - "Undeclared"

( Click here to buy Visiter)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "We Shall Never Surrender." »

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"He's like Adam Sandler a little bit, but not as good." -- Tom, refreshing Spike's memory on elderly comedian and white-hott film star Andy Milonakis

"You like World War II? What side were you on? You know what side I was on? Allies." -- Tom, joining the Good Guys in the global fight against the Bad Guys

"Well, it's kinda the same thing -- buncha jerks livin' all together. Yeh. Stinkin' up the place." -- Philly Boy Roy, refusing to distinguish between New York and New Jersey

"The Vet, you dunce. Philadummy. You're still a Philadummy after all these years." -- Philly Boy Roy, marveling at Tom's continued lack of knowledge about his beloved city

"I like vodka because it looks like wutter." -- Philly Boy Roy, finding a clear liquid he can enjoy without being readily detected

"No, it's when you don't got no money to pay for that stuff. For love sessions." -- PBR, explaining his impending Chapter 8 bankruptcy filing due to excessive credit card expenditures at Dockside Dolls

"I haven't procured a copy, but I will." -- Philly Boy Roy, suggesting a non-traditional acquisition of the buzzworthy new CD by The Hooters

"Shut up. I'll Shyamalan all over your face ... and your groin." -- Philly Boy Roy, threatening violence via the less-talented filmmaking brother

"How?! He takes just a normal phone call and weaves it into magic!" -- Kamal, contemplating the envious skills of his more-talented phone prank partner

"Guy's like vanilla ice cream laying out in the sun. Billy Crystal, he's like 5' 4" of vanilla ice cream." -- Tom, denouncing the soft-serve, one-day Yankee

"So it was like Adam-12 with cursing?" Tom, asking Mike to compare The Wire to other cop shows

"Does he look orange when you watch that show? I think they use like weird filters. His face looks orange every time I go pa