Recidivism.

"Yeah, she's dead! She's not involved in this election. You goofball." -- Tom, informing Spike that hardcore feminist Andrea Dworkin will not impact the 2008 Presidential race

"You know, 'cause he's like an old-time Viking, he knows all the ways of the old-time Vikingery ways of, uh, murdering." -- Rodney from Newbridge, revealing why Hägar the Doo-Wopper easily disposed of a member of The Moonglows

"Show me a logo that's dumber than a leprechaun promoting a basketball team." -- Tom, denouncing the basketball-spinning, pipe-smoking, vest-wearing, shillelagh-wielding Celtics mascot

"We're skewing old. I gotta skew young. What am I going to do to skew young tonight? Grand Theft Auto, y'all! What up?!" -- Tom, getting things back on track after a diversion into doo wop, Wacky Packs, and Murphy beds

[More to come.]

"Oh, come on! The wall's buckling, you idiot." -- Zachary Brimstead, Esq., expressing frustration at Mike's inability to squeeze him through the studio doorframe

"Oh, yeah. It's good when it ripens." -- ZB, touting the fermented egg salad atop a six-week-old submarine sandwich

"They're easier to hose out that way. We got them from the local horse racing track." -- ZB, explaining his decision to use metal buckets as serving vessels at his new Brimstead's eateries

"He beats his nemesi with his iron cumberbund." -- ZB on Weird Walter's weapon of choice in the new Trent L. Strauss production

"That oil is oily, yeah. A lot of my lovers have complained about it." -- ZB on the extreme slickness of his preferred lubricant

"Thought Police in effect, here they are! Yeah. You're worse than Officer Harrups." -- ZB, condemning Tom for waving off the second verse of Napalm Death's anti-corporate screed, "Polluted Minds"

"Well, I'll make that headache go away right now! Answer me one question: Do ya love Deicide?" -- ZB, attempting to soothe Tom's pain with something from the Tampa, FL., death metal legends

"Maybe that guy there will sign my petition. He looked like a Nazi." -- ZB, considering a visit to Das Sieben Und Der Elf to get his 37th signature

[More to come.]

[TBSOWFMU - 5/6/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W]

King's X - "We Are Finding Who We Are" (for DfK)

( Click here to buy Faith Hope Love)

The Night Marchers - "Bad Bloods"

( Click here to buy See You In Magic)

Sloan - "Not A Kid Anymore"

( Click here to pre-order Parallel Play)

The Downsiders - "Goodnight Troll"

( Click here to visit Cole Marquis on the Myspace)

Thalia Zedek - "We Don't Go"

( Click here to buy Liars and Prayers)

Evangelista - "Truth Is Dark Like Outer Space"

( Click here to buy the Hello, Voyager)

The (F) Champs - "Lee Tom" (from "Second 7 inch")

( Click here to buy The F Champs Records)

Enslaved - "The Dead Stare" (for masterofsparks)

( Click here to buy Below The Lights )

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "Deicide 2008." »

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"Actually, you must be listening down in Alabama. This line of mockery is not tracking." -- Tom, ending a riff about the Internet being unavailabe in the southern state

"Oh, it sounds great. It's like I'm gettin' crushed by the waves down at Barnegat." -- Philly Boy Roy, riding the reverb during his performance of "And We Danced"

"There will be slathering, why? Oh yeah, there will be squishing, too, yeah." -- Philly Boy Roy, detailing his plans for transferring Zachary Brimstead from his home to his Pacer

"He did hate me, actually. You know why? 'Cause I threw a stick of butter at him one night." -- PBR, explaining why "He Hate Me" hate him

"Ok, thought it'd be something else." - PBR, surprised to find out that San Francisco's XFL team was called the Demons

"Oh, Sahib, please just school me." -- PBR, requesting a lesson from renowned Yes scholar, Tom Scharpling

"Oh, yeah, I don't think we should have that. Because I don't think we should go in and get people's stems." -- PBR, stating his position on the controversial issue

"No, don't! Don't do it, host! The transformation is almost complete! I don't like it!" -- Paul F. Tompkins, begging Tom not to further Philly-ize him with Bill Conti's Rocky anthem

"You know what I hate about Apollo Creed?" -- PBR, asking PFT to pinpoint his aversion to Rocky's ring rival

"I think I know." -- PFT, realizing that Creed is an African-American man

"You know what's already turning me off on this? The YouTube still of it." -- Tom, approaching Meat Loaf's AT&T GoPhone commercial with extreme trepidation

"You know where I was? I was in Kensington whipping firecrackers at kids going to see the Dead Kennedys." -- PBR, indicating how he spent his leisure time in 1983

"Can I say one thing? Pimply. Kind of a turn-on. You're not wearing like Chuck Taylors without socks are ya? 'Cause that's the second big turn-on." -- PBR, revealing his skewed fontasy to Julie from Cincinnati

"A bellboy is a boy. Jane Wiedlin is a hot lady." -- PBR, setting Tom straight on Clue's singing telegramist

[Many more quotations to come.]

[TBSOWFMU - 4/22/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W]

The Replacements - "Perfectly Lethal"

( Click here to buy the Let It Be reissue)

Plastic Constellations - "Hardland / Heartland"

( Click here to buy We Appreciate You)

Busted Statues - "Red Clouds"

( Click here to visit Busted Statues on Myspace)

Bullet Lavolta - "The Gift"

( Click here to buy The Gift)

Northern Bushmen - "Neat, Neat, Neat" (The Damned cover)

( Click here to visit Northern Bushmen on Myspace)

Antietam - "Sink or Swim"

( Click here to buy Everywhere Outside)

Titus Andronicus - "My Time Outside The Womb"

( Click here to buy The Airing of Grievances)

Bike - "My Love My Life"

( Click here to read about the Abbasalutely compilation)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "Philly Boy Paul." »

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"You think they'll get this one? Think they'll get it? A little clue: check you calendar. Check your calendar on this one. Check your calendar, and then maybe you'll get the joke." - Tom, dropping some hints about his timely spin of "Taxman"

"Oh, there's many more things I've done, but, you know, I figured I'd start with that." -- Leon Carbone, purging the guilt about a $20 paper route theft

"Not even gonna say what it's a stain of, just trust me. It was gross." -- Tom, declining to reveal a civilian gamer's complete filth handle

"I'd be shootin' down the bad guys left and right, flying all over doin' loops." - Tom, touting his (real) fighter pilot skills following a brief tutorial

"What if that was Heaven? What if you passed away, right, and all of a sudden you realized Heaven was Ridgewood, N.J.?" -- Tom, asking a caller to consider the possibility that he's already living in the holiest tract of God's Country

"Mike says he wrote vampire books. He's disputing your claim that he didn't write a vampire book. Mike says he wrote a book called Bleh Bleh." - Tom, informing Bonnie about Mike's (mis)understanding of Christopher Buckley's bibliography

"Where will you get the nice food from? A different city?" - Tom, wondering where Stephen in Chicago will get the good eats to entice him for a visit

"I thought it was comin' back when he said that AriZona Iced Tea was healthy because it was from Arizona." - Weirder Jon, waiting for Petey to go on another Hot streak

"You know the Rolling Thunder Revue? Mike was in that. He played kungas." -- Tom, informing a Dylan enthusiast about Mike's role in the traveling caravan

"My hands!!!!!! My hands!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!! I can no longer weave magic!!" -- A professional gamer, breaking his fall -- and shattering his fontasies -- after slipping outside a McDonald's

"Wouldn't a Thermos be on the ultimate hot streak and cold streak?" -- Tom, striking topical gold with a vacuum flask

"I'm looking forward to it because I'm gonna rip Dr. Pepper off so much with that." -- Tom, getting very thirsty for some Chinese Democracy

"USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!" -- Tom, chanting for his country after a caller put the American dollar on a Cold streak in the international currency markets

"Wait, let me get this straight, you are DJ, yet you don't know who Black Sabbath is. Ok! Looks like I took you to school, no?" -- Newly-frocked Pablo Fontana, advising Tom on the value of the Ronnie James Dio era

"Well, you know, it gives me pleasure. It gives a lot of people various pleasures." -- Pablo Fontana, justifying his use of the controversial "apparatus"

"I think I know why. He is Nazi." - Pablo Fontana, speculating on the Pope's refusal to kiss the D.C. tarmac

"What about call screener Sherman? Will he be there? - Pablo Fontana, trying to line up guests for his four-hour Pancake Communion

"What is thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" -- Pablo Fontana, requesting a definition of the term "ecumenical"

"Lot of people talked the s hit about tu." - Pablo Fontana, noting that many Newbridge parishioners criticized Tom while in his confession booth

"Look, Michael Jordan would have no idea who I am, but if he met me, he'd see it. He'd see the aura. He'd give me the nod." -- Tom, explaining that greatness recognizes greatness

"That's right. I was waiting for somebody to say that! Why do you think I even did this stupid topic?" -- Tom, rejoicing after Jason put The Best Show on an eight-year hot streak

[TBSOWFMU - 4/15/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W]

Dead Child - "Screaming Skull"

( Click here to buy Attack)

Turbonegro - "Get It On"

( Click here to buy Apocalypse Dudes)

Void - "Ignorant People"

( Click here to buy Faith/Void/Faith)

The Faith - "Nightmare"

( Click here to buy Faith/Void/Faith)

The Tokeleys - "Mausoleum" (from Sons of Horus)

( Click here to visit The Tokeleys' Myspace page [Also check out Ponce De Leon L.A.)

The Kyle Sowashes - "Korea"

( Click here to buy Yeah Buddy!)

Go Sailor - "The Boy Who Sailed Around the World"

( Click here to buy Go Sailor)

The Great Plains - "The Way She Runs A Fever"

( Click here to buy Length of Growth 1981-89)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "Syrup Tissues." »

Posted by Omar at 10:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"If I walk outside, it's like a museum of rednecks, but we don't have a museum of cigarettes." -- Andy from Knoxville, filling Tom in on the local tourist attractions

"I hate men, and if I am President ..." -- Hillary Clinton, addressing primary voters last week outside a Wawa in Roxboro, PA

"Someone might want to check the books. Hoboken might be bankrupt." -- Tom, blowing the whistle on the city's corrupt comptroller after Mickey Dolenz was announced as the headler for the Arts & Music Festival

"You better not show up here next week in a Sgt. Pepper's outfit. I'll throw you off the roof." -- Tom, threatening Mike with bodily harm if he dons the blue satin suet

"Jersey comes though like an ink stain sometimes." -- Tom, spotting a woman wearing a Bon Jovi jacket at the NY Metro Beatles Fest

"I literally think I saw a guy with two heads walking around at this thing. I think this might have been some nuclear testing ground." -- Tom, mixing it up with the mutants at the Englishtown Flea Market

Oh, Tom. All you wanted were bootlegs. Is that so much to ask for? I thought this was America? I got three copies of Gone Troppo, that doesn't entitle me? Bootleg guy got raided." -- Tom, lamenting his failure to score the good stuff

"My flame wasn't as big, but it had a bigger impact ... on my brain, anyway." -- Bryce, noting the potency of his alternate Olympic torch/bong

"Oh my God, now you're pointing a gun at me! Oh my God! No!" -- Bryce, begging for mercy from an old, white-haired man who is not Tom Scharpling

"Maybe he appreciates pageantry!" -- Tom, suggesting an alternative reason for Doddy's enjoyment of Busby Berkeley musicals

[More to come.]

"I said like 'damn' and stuff." -- Pudge, losing his cool after hitting his thumb with a hammer and stuff

"Well, it's like, it's like the seventh note of like this, I don't know, it's like, you know, of this scale, and there's like, you know, after like that note happens, there's like this, I don't know, there's this big desire like to kinda resolve to the tonic. You know, the tonic and stuff." -- Pudge, explaining a crucial fakeout in the second movement of Gustav Mahler's "Symphony No. 5 in C-Sharp Minor"

"It's just kinda like stupid stuff I do and stuff." -- Pudge, downplaying his renowned composing career

"Like a baby could run and stuff. I 'unno, I mean, if it, I 'unno, I guess if its dad said it was OK and stuff? Or its mom and stuff? -- Pudge, wondering if a Newbridge newborn could run for mayor with parental consent

"I don't know, probably like have you put to death and stuff." -- Pudge, tentatively announcing his first act in office

[TBSOWFMU - 4/8/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W]

Lost Sounds - "Future Touch"

( Click here to buy the Future Touch EP)

Bad Times - "Listen to the Band"

( Click here to buy Bad Times)

Game Theory - "24" (from Real Nighttime)
Game Theory - "Make Any Vows" (from The Big Shot Chronicles)
Game Theory - "Chardonnay" (from Lolita Nation)
Game Theory - "Room For One More, Honey" (from 2 Steps From The Middle Ages)

( Click here to buy OOP Game Theory things)

The Pastels - "Empty House" (from the "Crawl Babies" 12")

( Click here to buy A Truckload of Trouble: 1986-1993)

Eat Skull - "No Intelligence"

( Click here to buy the "Dead Families" 7")

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "Stuff and Junk." »

Posted by Omar at 9:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"Let's get this over with." -- Tom, deciding to get the party started after a 47-minute opening music set

"Oh, good. Drinking and radio don't mix." -- Julie, approving of Tom's sobriety

"I made fun of Mark & Mindy? You didn't like that? You didn't find my Mark & Mindy joke funny?" -- Tom, inquiring about Jerry from Boulder's rejection of his ribbing

"You don't sleep. You don't sleep! Stay haunted! You stay haunted by it! You don't think I'm haunted? I got the weight of the world on my shoulders!" -- Tom, unleashing a directive for a littlehearted boy

"The grandmother was irascible." -- Sleepy Jeff on Mindy's guff-averse music store boss

"I do, yeah, and then I'm fit as a fiddle for the rest of the day." -- Sleepy Jeff, touting the benefits of his 22.5 hours of shut-eye

"Oh my God, that's sick." -- Sleepy Jeff, appalled by Tom's meager 6 hours/night

"A guy can talk on the phone and drive at the same time -- I've got two knees." -- Sleepy Jeff, assuring Tom that he is still driving the bus

"They had that, yes, but they also did something in that that resulted in me." -- Jeep Cherokee Wilson, noting his parents unnatural "bangathon" in his namesake vehicle

"He looks so normal that he doesn't look human. That's how I picture Roger looking." -- J.C. Wilson, comparing Mike's appearance to the crime sketch of hijacker D.B. Cooper

"I mean, the things you could see." -- J.C. Wilson, pointing out a self-inflammatory advantage of being 3' 1''

"He ain't in the pros no more? What he gonna do now?" -- J.C. Wilson, pondering the future of the cocaine-addled slugger Barry Barnes

"What about the one that said you were gonna die during your show?" -- J.C. Wilson, asking Tom about the veracity of the vision of his death-by-harpooning

"Think about it. That's my art! Think about it. That's my installation." -- Tom, urging Erika from Baltimore to look deeper into his imminent death from side-splitting pain

"It's not the topic! You guys can't make up topics! Put 'em forth. 'Yeah, I heard the topic.' That's not the topic. You go call Herbie's house if you wanna to talk about first-world problems. That's not the topic. How dare you. Herbie. Guy's name's Herbie." -- Tom, fed up with a Philadelphia duo's attempts to run the show

"Wait'll you hear that one, Mike. 10:44, you're in for a big laugh. Brace yourself. Just get ready. You're probably still hearing when Jeep called right now, but some good stuff on the way." -- Tom, giving advance notice of some Tommert-based amusements

"You got James'd! YOU GOT JAMES'D! I JAMES'D JAMES! HOW'DYA LIKE THEM APPLES?! Actually, apples are not my favorite fruit, BUT NOW THEY ARE! YOU GOT JAMES'D, JAMES! YOU GOT JAMES'D!" -- Tom, turning the tables on the toupee-wearing troublemaker

"How could you pass on that combo: Schwimmer! Michael Ian Black!" -- Tom, questioning Paul from Staten Island's reluctance to pay to see Run, Fat Boy, Run at Hylan Boulevard's luxurious moviehouse

"Remember, Tom. Remember, Tom. Remember. Sunrise doesn't last all morning, Tom. Sunrise doesn't last all morning. Remember, Tom. All things must pass. Remember. Remember that. All thing must pass. Remember. All things must pass. Remember. All things must pass. Remember, Tom. All things must pass. Remember. Remember ..." -- Tom, blowing the clouds away

[TBSOWFMU - 4/1/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Headquarters / S&W]

Stevie Blue & Martina McBride - "I Left My Chocolate-Covered Heart in the Foothills of Los Altos"

( Click here to visit KFJC)

Psychedelic Horse s hit - "Rather Dull"

( Click here to buy Magic Flowers Droned)

Didjits - "Headless" (Dickies cover)

( Click here to buy the F the Pigs 7")

The Black and Whites - "Carlsbad"

( Click here to buy The Black and Whites)

Izzy Stradlin and the Ju Ju Hounds - "Bucket O' Trouble"

( Click here to buy Izzy Stradlin and the Ju Ju Hounds)

The Individuals - "Dancing With My Eighty Wives"

( Click here to pre-order the Fields / Aqua Marine reissue)

Dumptruck - "Wire" (dedicated to the departed The Wire section of the FOT Board)

( Click here to buy For The Country)

The Raymond Brake - "Philistine"

( Click here to buy Piles of Dirty Winters)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "All Things Must Pass." »

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"You know who's a huge classical buff? No one I know!" -- Tom, looking for actual fans and finding none

"No one get killed like that kid did in the movie. If you're gonna get killed, pay your pledge first. Let that be your final act of paying it forward." -- Tom, asking listeners to avoid the fate of young Haley Joel Osment until they do the right thing

"Wait. You mean Kim Fowley pulled a fast one on somebody? What? Hold on. He was less than honest? Are you sure it's the same Kim Fowley?" -- Tom, questioning the identity of a supposed scam artist at the Pan-American ticket counter

"That's the only band I really wanted to see besides Half Japanese and The Slits." -- Michael K of The Cynics, lamenting the scheduling conflicts that prevented him from seeing Hanson at SX

"Is this Beatle Bob? You're not Beatle Bob, are you?" -- Michael K, trying to identify the caller who took offense to his geographical zings

"Am I here? Is this my show? I thought it was. I'm gonna go home. Mike, let these two guys do the show." -- Tom, moving to the back of the bus during a steamrolling discussion of Southern cuisine

"How many teams do they have? And do they play in their robes, like the full robes?" -- Tom, inquiring about the representation and attire of the KKK squads entered in the Whirlyball Nationals

"It's gonna flop hard. It's gonna flop harder than the sweat pouring down James's forehead, loosening that cheap toupee of his." -- Tom, predicting the box-office fate of The Love Guru

"I'd like to slam his fingers in that desk drawer, maybe get him to wake up for once." -- Tom, rousing This American Life host Ira Glass from his terminal slumber

"Oh, good, it has 'Pipeline' on it." -- Paycheque, rejoicing in a choice Johnny Thunders import 10"

"Exactamundo." -- Greg from Baltimore

"They coulda used Mountain." -- Nate from St. Paul, proposing a suitable BOC alternative for the "More Cowbell" sketch

"Tom Starplin, I love you, but you gotta stop GOMPin' Lair-ee." -- A hopeless pupil, disappointing his mentor yet again

"That might make him the best kind of caller: the guy who brings the energy of someone who would curse, but doesn't curse." -- Tom, praising Sonny from JC's ability to walk the delicate line in his takedown of late-period Al Pacino

"Yeah, you sound stupid." -- Tom, detecting a lot of unintelligent callers during the "Coffin Talk" segment

"I don't build coffins, I shop for 'em." -- Tom, declining to respond to a question about the ideal wood for a sturdy construction

"My throat. My throat hurts so much. I can't do it anymore. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it anymore!" -- Tom, rising from the grave

"Apparently, you want it all. Apparently, you want to hear 'Layla' and get in-depth news coverage." - Tom, informing a caller that he's asking way too much of his classic rock radio station

[TBSOWFMU - 3/25/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Headquarters / S&W]

Coffin Break - "Boxes and Boxes"

( Click here to buy No Sleep 'Til the Stardust Motel)

Torche - "Across The Shields"

( Click here to pre-order Meanderthal)

Final Solutions - "In A Coma"

( Click here to buy Songs by Solutions)

The Marked Men - "Fix My Brain"

( Click here to buy Fix My Brain)

Monkeywrench - "Levitation"

( Click here to buy Gabriel's Horn)

Thee Headcoatees - "Just Like A Dog"

( Click here to buy Bozstik Haze)

Mission of Burma - "Progress"

( Click here to buy the Matador re-issues)

Lungfish - "Nation Saving Song"

( Click here to buy Love is Love)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "Coffin Talk." »

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"They say don't talk too closely. I talk too closely! I do what I want. Best Show time! -- Tom, ignoring his CSB training on microphone proximity in order to Bring It

"Where's my All Things Must Pass? Where's mine? When do I do one? Where's my epic? Where's my titanic effort that stands the test of time. Where?" -- Tom, forgetting about his glorious body of work

"I'm not sure who's changed. Maybe we're meeting in the middle somewhere." -- Tom, trying to figure out how he and Spike ended up on a park bench reminiscing about the Chucky franchise

"He was doin' somethin' gay." -- Nate Hartley, explaining why Drake Bell was unable to appear in Drillbit Taylor

"If I look at my Myspace mood status, quixotic, I think. I'm up to the Q's, still tiltin' at windwills." -- Michael K from The Cynics, checking in from The Pitts by way of La Mancha

"People lookin' at me sideways like I get a piece of the pie. How dare you." -- Tom, scolding his colleagues for not parading him around like Cleopatra for his marathon triumph

"Oh, no, they're the main stuff. That's the main mahkets." -- Marky Ramone, claiming that Columbia, SC, and Raleigh, NC are in the top tier of Southern touring itineraries

"Oh, it's totally clean except for what actually happened." -- Marky Ramone, prefacing his tale of an emergency bathroom stop at a pock on the way back from Toad's Place

"Oh, why didn't I put this in the book, too? There was this one time when we were playing, I think it was in Houston, it was on Acid Eaters tour, and I don't know what was going on, but I kept dropping sticks all night. I must've dropped like seven of 'em." -- Marky Ramone, digging up some dirt for a non-electrifying conclusion to one of the best stories in Hey Ho Let's A Drummer's Life

"Why can't people keep his name straight? It's a very easy name to remember." -- Tom on the innoxuous Call Screener named Mike

"People want me to be like a butterfly. Whadda they put butterfiles in? Amber? Like I'm supposed to be preserved in December of 2007 forever." -- Tom, letting Juno go

"Hey, everyone, cool out on the Internet." -- Top touring comic Todd Barry, calling for some decorum after a flurry of harsh comments from dorm room tough guys

"You don't wanna see 33 bands in one day and not shower?" -- Todd Barry, wondering why Tom has no interest in attending SX

"That would be very exciting. He's very funny." -- Tom, looking forward to Todd Barry's comedic collaboration with Max Weinberg

"If Christ showed up and started talking, you kinda can get the point after two hours of anyone." -- Tom, getting into the whole (relative) brevity thing

"Chappelle's goin' long, tell Nancy to stay there. We'll give her another $6." -- A SF Punchline waitress, working overtime for a marathon set

"Oh, I was gonna do this great cheese joke. Not that I would ever talk about cheese, 'cause I'm a political comic." -- Todd Barry on the perils of burned premises when performing deep into a multi-act bill

"You don't listen to Robert Johnson all day like I do?" -- Todd Barry, questioning a caller who prefers more modern music and comedy

"Not only was it a dirty show, it was like the filthiest show I've seen in a long time. I mean, everything you could possibly think of in terms of sexual acts was mentioned." -- Todd Barry, noting the ribald nature of the recent Julie & Jackie show attended by two little girls

"I live off of plant scraps." -- Swiss Miss, Todd Barry's sole female fan, revealing her source of Spokane sustenance

"Our sleaze is sleazier than their sleaze. They start doin' their sleaze, we out-sleaze them." -- Tom, celebrating another NJ victory over NYC courtesy of a bored skee-ball technician

"Like The Lockhorns on crystal meth?" -- Tom, pondering the domestic tumult of Richard and Julie from Cincinnati

[TBSOWFMU - 3/18/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Headquarters / S&W]

Todd Barry - "Old Navy, Short Shop"

( Click here to buy From Heaven [also available in the Gospel section at f.y.e.])

Jucifer - "Window (Where The Sea Falls Forever)"

( Click here to buy L'autrichienne)

Rocket From The Crypt - "Pigeon Eater"

( Click here to buy RIP)

Small 23 - "Noodles"

( Click here to buy Small (23) stuff)

The Oblivians - "Mary Lou"

( Click here to buy Play 9 Songs With Mr. Quintron)

Birds of Avalon - "The Reeds"

( Click here to buy the Outer Upper Inner EP)

Big Dipper - "Life Inside The Cemetery"

( Click here to buy Supercluster: The Big Dipper Anthology)

Dodos - "Undeclared"

( Click here to buy Visiter)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "We Shall Never Surrender." »

Posted by Omar at 8:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

RIP HARP

Posted by Omar at 7:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"He's like Adam Sandler a little bit, but not as good." -- Tom, refreshing Spike's memory on elderly comedian and white-hott film star Andy Milonakis

"You like World War II? What side were you on? You know what side I was on? Allies." -- Tom, joining the Good Guys in the global fight against the Bad Guys

"Well, it's kinda the same thing -- buncha jerks livin' all together. Yeh. Stinkin' up the place." -- Philly Boy Roy, refusing to distinguish between New York and New Jersey

"The Vet, you dunce. Philadummy. You're still a Philadummy after all these years." -- Philly Boy Roy, marveling at Tom's continued lack of knowledge about his beloved city

"I like vodka because it looks like wutter." -- Philly Boy Roy, finding a clear liquid he can enjoy without being readily detected

"No, it's when you don't got no money to pay for that stuff. For love sessions." -- PBR, explaining his impending Chapter 8 bankruptcy filing due to excessive credit card expenditures at Dockside Dolls

"I haven't procured a copy, but I will." -- Philly Boy Roy, suggesting a non-traditional acquisition of the buzzworthy new CD by The Hooters

"Shut up. I'll Shyamalan all over your face ... and your groin." -- Philly Boy Roy, threatening violence via the less-talented filmmaking brother

"How?! He takes just a normal phone call and weaves it into magic!" -- Kamal, contemplating the envious skills of his more-talented phone prank partner

"Guy's like vanilla ice cream laying out in the sun. Billy Crystal, he's like 5' 4" of vanilla ice cream." -- Tom, denouncing the soft-serve, one-day Yankee

"So it was like Adam-12 with cursing?" Tom, asking Mike to compare The Wire to other cop shows

"Does he look orange when you watch that show? I think they use like weird filters. His face looks orange every time I go past that show." -- Mike the Associate Producer, trying to figure out David Caruso's odd hue on CSI:Miami

"If Ratatouille taught us anything, it's that the average rat will eat anything." -- Tom on the unsophisticated pallets of movie theater rats

"The place you stayed, were people hiding suitcases full of money in the heating ducts. Was there a guy walking around with a cow killer?" -- Tom, determining whether John Junk's accomodations started with an "H" or an "M"

"You're gonna have to pretend to be ya brotha!" -- Tom as late-period Sir Anthony Hopkins, informing Chris Rock that he's about to go undercova in the Joel Schumacher classic, Bad Company

"You know what, I think it's time for Eric Idle to go shop for a coffin." Tom, adopting the persona of a ghoul from Charleston

"Think about the cats, people. Think about the cats!" -- Tom, asking listeners to avoid political commentary when LOLcatting

"Whaddya say to those people out there who say that your show might be a little lame, your comedy bits are, I don't know, old hat, your listeners are stupid, and that you in particular alternate between being an insufferable bore and an insipid loudmouth bully?" -- Linus, asking Tom to respond to some very harsh criticisms he found online

"Oh my god, that's so unintentionally hilarious." -- Linus, taking delight in the absurdity of the ancient cars and stupid wall phones depicted in The Karate Kid

"Well, we don't give ourselves 10s. I gave us a 9.8" -- Linus, defending his journalistic integrity when reviewing his own band

"But I'm Linus, and I write for Shovel.com." -- Linus, crying/laughing over Tom's criticism of an unwieldy sentence in a Black Kids review

"He left Earth pretty much. You're gonna leave Earth, too." -- Linus, marking Tom for a stint in a monastery or a barging

[TBSOWFMU - 3/11/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Headquarters / S&W]

Death Cab For Cutie - "Pictures In An Exhibition"

( Click here to buy Something About Airplanes)

Why? - "Fatalist Palmistry"

( Click here to buy Alopecia)

The Long Blondes - "Here Comes The Serious Bit"

( Click here to pre-order "couples")

New Bomb Turks - "Youngblood" (Thee Headcoats cover)

( Click here to buy Pissing Out the Poison: Singles and Other Swill)

Shudder To Think - "Pebbles"

( Click here to buy Get Your Goat)

Versus - "Bright Light"

( Click here to buy Dead Leaves)

White Hinterland - "Lindberghs + Metal Birds"

( Click here to buy Phylactery Factory)

The Feelies - "What Goes On" (The Velvet Underground cover)

( Click here to buy Only Life)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "Wax On / Wax Off." »

Posted by Omar at 11:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"Fontasies." -- Matthew "Fluxblog" Perpetua, correcting Pseu on the pronunciation of his pledge card ode to Gene

"We gotta keep Mike's phone busy, 'cause otherwise he's gonna start telling August about weird movies, and we don't want that to happen." -- Tom, trying to thwart corrupting Lukas Moodysson and Werner Herzog dissertations with pledges

"Amoeba, very nice store. Very hard to shoplift from that store. Very hard." -- Tom on the tight security at the West Coast independent music retailer

"Jerry Reed is doing The Iceman Cometh down there now, so anybody who wants to check that out -- it's really thrilling." -- Tom, recommending the Eugene O'Neill production at the Burt Reynolds Dinner Theater in Jupiter, FL

"I'm from the streets! Everything I learned I learned in back alleys, like around garbage cans with flames coming out of there like the beginning of Rocky." Tom, reiterating his slob bona fides in an appeal to the Common Man

"Fix that thing, nerds. Place is filled with nerds. Can't throw a rock without hittin' a nerd around here. Step up, nerds, fix that thing!" -- Tom, looking for prompt IT support after pledges set the computer ablaze

"I come in with the wind, I disappear in the morning mist." -- The Famous Flamer, detailing the oddly peaceful itinerary for his Weekend Sale-a-Thons

"My life is either awesome or horrible. I got no time for 74 degrees and clear. It's either gotta be blazin' hot and I'm on a skateboard, or it's snowin' and there's a Yeti comin' after me with a machine gun." -- The Famous Flamer, reveling in the extremes

"You know what's fair? Foghat at full volume -- that's fair!" -- The Famous Flamer, rejecting WFMU's indie garbage in favor of loud classic rock

"You can't unsee something like that." -- Tom on the horrific vision of a shirtless Jim Norton, the funniest comedian in New Jersey, submerged in a water tank at one of The Flamer's "salebrations"

"'Tumbleweeds' is slang for crank, right?" -- Patton Oswalt, confirming that Mac from Las Cruces was making a drug reference in his pledge comment

"I want to squeeze every cent out of everyone listening. We are not gonna hit 11 o'clock before I have shook all of you upside down by your legs, and the coins have fallen out." -- Tom, taking your lunch money and bleeding you dry

"He has this knife on his belt. It scares me. He sharpens it like on a leather strap." -- Tom, revealing Associate Producer Mike's weapon of choice

"Yes, we clap for Pitchfork! What're you worried about 7.5s? We clap! We get a 7.8 now." -- Tom, saluting the music website for their support

"... the life of kings." -- H. L. Mencken

[TBSOWFMU - 3/4/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Headquarters / S&W]

Mott The Hopple - "The Journey"

( Click here to buy Brain Capers)

Sleater-Kinney - "Anonymous"

( Click here to buy Call The Doctor)

Be Your Own Pet - "Heart Throb"

( Click here to buy Get Awkward)

Negative FX - "The Few, The Proud"

( Click here to buy Negative FX/Last Rights)

Black Francis - "When They Come To Murder Me"

( Click here pre-order SVN Fngrs)

Sixteen Deluxe - "Babyheadrush"

( Click here to buy Backfeed Magnet Babe)

Superchunk - "Seed Toss" (live)

( Click here to buy Clambake Series Vol. 1: Acoustic In-Stores East & West)

Soft Machine - "We Did It Again"

( Click here to buy Vols. 1 & 2)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "The Love Pit." »

Posted by Omar at 9:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"I love Boston, I just don't love any of your sports teams. Or your horrible highways." -- Tom, clarifying his Beantown issues following a pledge from Christopher in Attleboro, MA

"Next call talks to a laaady. You're lonely and you want to talk to a laaady. 800-989-9368. Come on, dudes. First chance to talk to a lady without having to run it by your parole officer." -- Tom, sparking interest in male listeners during a scary lull where Hatch feared the Scratchy Record program would outdraw The Best Show

"I will wring every dollar out of everyone listening. You will not pay your rent! You will pay WFMU!" -- Tom, doing some cutthroat budgetary planning on behalf of his listeners

"'Cause your young and your cool. And it's the fact that you offered me coke in the bathroom. That actually was a tipoff." -- Tom, explaining how he knew Hatch lived in Cocaine Heights

"Most radio hosts wither like the leaves in autumn, but Tom Scharpling is an evergreen, bringing it every Tuesday night and draining the competition." -- Omar, Best Show Poet Laundromat, keeping things on target in his pledge comment

"Are you in that Duck Duck Goose League in McCarren Park? -- Tom, asking Hatch if he's on board with Brooklyn's latest recreational craze

"If you didn't pledge then, you know what? You got James'd, sir. You, madame, got James'd." -- Tom, sentencing tightwad listeners to the ultimate mutant attack

"I was feeling pretty iree, yeah, but then I just got mad. Then I started throwin' stuff." - Bryce, lamenting the reggae rage that crushed his lean-to

"Aw, come on, man, what's wrong with you people? Don't you want me to get ripped?" -- Bryce, wondering why listeners are not supporting his pledges-for-crippler campaign

"It already got signed for. Yeah, someone named ... Therese." -- Bryce, informing Tom that his crippler samples are in the building

"Hey, everybody. Call back and get your money back 'cause Tom won't smoke out with me." -- Bryce, urging pledgers to ask for refund due to Tom's refusal to puff

"Oh, Mike. Remember that? Those were the good times, when Super Dave Osbourne's face didn't look like one of the bad guys in I, Robot." -- Tom, reminiscing about the younger, less frightening visage of Mr. Einstein

"I gave blood today, but giving to WFMU is even more rewarding." - Eban from Rhode Island on his Two-for-Tuesday drainage

[TBSOWFMU - 2/26/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Headquarters / S&W]

Dwight Twilley - "Money (That's What I Want)" (ripped from the original 1979 Arista promo 12" courtesy of Power Pop Pop-Pop's estate)

( Click here to visit the official DT website)

The Hex Dispensers - "H.D. Local 23"

( Click here to buy The Hex Dispensers)

The Mountain Goats - "Lovecraft in Brooklyn"

( Click here to buy Heretic Pride)

Dengue Fever - "Woman in the Shoes"

( Click here to buy Venus On Earth)

Nada Surf - "From Now On"

( Click here to buy lucky)

The Would Be's - "Funny Ha Ha"

( Click here to acquire Silly Songs For Cynical People)

Guv'ner - "Motorcycle Man"

( Click here to buy The Hunt)

The Takeovers - "Instigator"

( Click here to buy the Little Green Onion Man EP)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "Positive Vibration." »

Posted by Omar at 8:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"I would have also paired up George Jones and a ticket refund counter." -- Tom, adding some visuals to the surreal "We Go Together" video montage

"Okay, write down your predilection and then you'll tell me what it is after I say what it is." -- Marky Ramone, challenging Tom to guess his big announcement

"You didn't say nothin' about the 1/8th notes on the high hat, how fast they are." -- Marky Ramone, lamenting an omission in Tom's critique of his drumming

"You do Marky Ramone's throat lozenges, you have the crystal-clear voice of Marky Ramone." -- Marky Ramone, promoting the latest product in his signature series

"You're just diggin' it deepah and deepah and deepah. And I'm gonna play hardah and hardah and hardah on your head." -- Marky Ramone, vowing to deliver a 2B beating for Tom's supposed insults

"He looked like he was turning into The Hulk. Like a Caucasian Hulk." -- Tom on Roger Clemens' transformation into a 'roid-raging monster at his landmark Congressional hearing

"You know, I don't hate Spike, but, I mean, I don't want to be considered an "us" with Spike." -- ROY '08 candidate Steve from North Hollywood, distancing himself from a less desirable member of The Best Showverse

"Jerky Boys, though? Really? The Jerky Boys. The Jerky Boys. I can't even expound on it. The Jerky Boys." -- Tom, digesting the rough comparison to the phone prank duo

"Oh, I just pulled up that site. Oh my God. He's not even a kid." -- Martin from Edison, getting his first honest-to-blob peak at the self-proclaimed Voice of the People

"Willy Wonka. That guy had some problems. First of all, how did that stuff clear inspections? Got those Oompa-Loompas, were they wearing gloves?" -- Tom, questioning the sanitation standards at the famous candy facory

"This guy looks like he ate The Gorch. That's how big that guy is." -- Tom, assessing the Brimsteadian girth of The Kid from Brooklyn

"The singer from The Smiths, you thought he was whiny?" -- Tom, trying to comprehend Lisa from Brooklyn's issues with Morrissey

"I keep thinking the bad guys will win in the end and take it all away, but somehow it all seems to keep working." -- Tom Scharpling, rejoicing in The New York Times

[TBSOWFMU - 2/19/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Headquarters / S&W]

**Pledge tonight during The Best Show and get the 2008 "We Did It Again" Fun Pack! T-shirt. Sticker. Brian Michael Palmer Weaver Neil Numberman poster. This one's for all the marbles. Tom is counting on you.**

Dust - "Pull Away/So Many Times"

( Click here to buy Hard Attack)

The Black Hollies - "Bruised Tangerines"

( Click here to buy Casting Shadows)

The Dirtbombs - "I Hear The Sirens"

( Click here to buy We Have You Surrounded)

CoCoComa - "Go Ahead"

( Click here to buy CoCoComa)

The Makes Nice - "When It's All Gone"

( Click here to buy This Time Tomorrow)

The Poster Children - "Jeremy Straight"

( Click here to buy Flower Plower)

Psycho and the Birds - "Hybertech Green"

( Click here to buy We've Moved)

Atlas Sound - "River Card"

( Click here to buy Let The Blind Lead Those Who Can See
But Cannot Feel)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "Too Tuff To Break." »

Posted by Omar at 3:04 PM | Permalink

Dear Courageous Congressmen,

I am writing to salute your work in investigating whether or not Roger Clemens attended a party at the home of Jose Canseco 10 years ago. If it's not too much trouble, please send me an autographed, glossy photo of one of Mr. Clemens's alleged steroid-induced buttock abscesses. I want to hang it in my home gymnasium.

I look forward to Mr. Specter's upcoming hearings on whether or not that sad, hoodie-crazed ape spied on the Rams before that Super Bowl.

Thanks!

-o.

Posted by Omar at 1:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"Alright, this is the big one. This is the big one. All eyes on you. All eyes on you. All eyes on you tonight, Tom. All eyes. All eyes on you. All eyes on you. All eyes on you. Let's do this! Let's just do it! That's enough!" -- Tom, gearing up for his latest battle v. everyone

"What? February? Whatever. You know how I am with that stuff -- I just go where I'm told." -- Tom, willing to accept that the Presidential election was taking place tonight

"I'm trying to set up, you know, some mystery that will never be solved, nor will it be remembered." -- PFT, explaining his decision not to reveal his take on the Best Caller award

"He looks like an uncaged ape on the sideline that they put a sweatshirt over. Get like a XXXXXL sweatshirt and put it on that monster." -- Tom on the terminally dour, subhuman Bill Belichick

"I look at him as my oxygen and that he lets me know that I can escape. He's my batteries. He's our batteries. It's not just me -- there's other people in the Spike Fan Club." -- Dylan Milford, supporting his personal Gandhi on behalf of the Los Angeles chapter

"I think we're gonna have to break up that batch 'cause I'm starting to want to go home now." -- Tom, looking for something positive after opening with the Saddest/Most Delusional awards

"I'm picturing myself getting robbed. Getting stabbed, arrested, I don't know what. They're all my DVDs, these are not stolen, but still my mind is racing." -- Tom, fontasizing during a harrowing Craigslist drop-off

"I guess it's a fine line with Mike. I think maybe it's domestic cinema that throws him. The Germans he's okay with." -- Best Best Show recapper Omar, contemplating Mike's rejection of the final scene of There Will Be Blood

"He just did what Hal Holbrook is doing for Best Supporting Actor, but for the award Most Pathetic Caller. The judges might have to look at the winner again on that." - Tom on James lobbying for his statuette

"I kinda pretend that I need it, but it's basically for slashing. Slashing and slicing. As you will see. And feel." -- Kip Palfner, renewing his award-winning razor cane threat against Tom

"I don't own a dog. I own dragons. They sound like dogs sometimes when they get very excited, kind of like you when your voice modulates." -- Gene Simmons, explaining the origins of the barking sounds that erupted during his call

[TBSOWFMU - 2/5/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Headquarters / S&W]

Drive-By Truckers - "The Righteous Path"

( Click here to buy Brighter Than Creation's Dark)

King Khan & The Shrines - "Welfare Bread"

( Click here to buy What Is?!)

Warm Gun - "Broken Windows"

( Click here to grab the rest of this EP)

Mangapop - "Nowhere"

( Click here to buy the Kiss My Mouth single)

Bob Mould - "Who Needs To Dream?"

( Click here to buy District Line)

Black Mountain - "Angels"

( Click here to buy In The Future Deluxe Edition)

Magnetic Fields - "Drive On, Driver"

( Click here to buy Distortion)

Altered Images - "Happy Birthday"

( Click here to buy I Could Be Happy: The Best of Altered Images)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "Drainage." »

Posted by Omar at 11:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"This show's not about wallowing. This show's about soaring. Like an eagle." -- Tom, taking flight high above the union man

"Was that thing wreckin' Newark? Or Jersey City? Hoboken? No. No, we were sendin' the jets out to attack that thing. That was us. We're the good guys in this one." -- Tom, praising New Jersey's role in defending NYC against the Cloverfield monster

"Exactly. They got their chops over in uh ... in uh ... you know in uh ... in uh ... Dusseldorf." -- Tom, tracing the origins of supposed NYC band The Strokes

"Well considering the guy from the Del Vikings is 91 years old, I don't know how resistant he's going to be. I don't know how defiant he is these days." -- Tom, pointing out that a member of the group would likely be a suitably submissive bailiff for Dungeon Justice with Judge Spike

"That's a black mark on Mike's record tonight. Lettin' a faux Jerky Boy through, a Jerky Boy manqué. Is that how you say that word? Did I do that right?" -- Tom, criticizing the call screening with a rare lapse into egghead vocabulary

"It's these two guys, and they each take their faces off. And they trade faces, and then they play each other in it. Kinda like Freaky Friday with guns!" -- Face/Off scribes Mike Werb and Michael Colleary, bounding over narrative hurdles in The Making of Face/Off video game

"I called in last week, it wasn't a very successful call. Um, you called me a gorilla." -- Tom in Buffalo, looking for redemption and not finding it

"It's good. Why shouldn't you be able to lose your entire fortune from your home?" -- Tom, sticking it to the misguided online gambling worryworts

"Price Waterhouse? I'm gonna write this stuff out in a Panera Bread on Tuesday afternoon -- Tom, ditching the accounting giant for next week's Best Show Awards

"This game sounds fun. Wait, which one is fun again? The one where you want to gouge your eyes out?" -- Tom, assessing the entertainment value of the video game adaptation of a long-form Spalding Gray monologue

"Was that Robert Benchley who wrote that? That guy was good." -- Tom, praising the legendary humorist's script for Orca

[More to come.]

"Hey, Jeff, whaddya call a nun in a humidor?" -- Bob Saget, annoying Jeff Garlin with his debauched Hate Pit revelry

[More to come.]

[TBSOWFMU - 1/29/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Headquarters / S&W]

Kelly Stoltz - "When You Forget"

( Click here to buy Circular Sounds)

Monochrome Set - "The Weird, Wild And Wonderful World Of Tony Potts"

( Click here to view the Wikipedia page for Love Zombies)

Cornelius - "Chapter 8 - Seashore and Horizon"

( Click here to buy Fantasma)

Throw Me The Statue - "Take It or Leave It"

( Click here to buy Moonbeams)

Wussy - "Sun Giant Says Hey"

( Click here to buy Left For Dead)

The Selmanaires - "Just To Get YR Love"

( Click here to buy The Air Salesman)

Effigies - "Body Bag"

( Click here to buy Remains Nonviewable)

Wipers - "Can This Be"

( Click here to buy the Wipers box set)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "Tom v. Everyone." »

Posted by Omar at 11:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"Yeah, I remember when she did that in 2005. It was a scandal. She's done 85 things since then. You're still mad about Offense #2?" -- Tom, informing Spike that the "fool woman" Spears has moved well beyond unbuckled kids

"I don't want to say my 'excuse', but that's what has led me to these, you know, kinda outbursts I outbursted when I was on your show before." -- Ken Rogers, attributing his foulmouthed non-interviews to his Tri-Polar Situation

"I loved it when Anna Nicole Smith died. It was awesome -- it was like, is it murder or what?" -- Julie from Cincinatti, reveling in true-crime celebrity gossip

[More to come.]

"The ladies of Newbridge had the most comfortable feet in the entire Tri-Bridge quad. And as we all know, it ended up becoming a den of foot perversion." -- Kurt Gaisburn, lamenting what became of Lady Foot Locker in the Edgar Ploppleton's era

"There's some charity in it also. We buy hot dogs for some of the poorer kids in town." -- Kurt Gaistburn, explaining the community outreach aspect of his Drugboro Pee-Wee slapfighting sponsorship

"At that point, Tom, honestly, he was taking 63 different pills, 23 of which were of his own making." -- Kurt Gaistburn on Captain Donut's outrageous pharmaceutical cocktail at the time of his rooftop hostage situation

"The chocolate is still there 'cause that's good. Children love chocolate." -- Kurt Gaistburn, keeping a beloved treat on the school lunch menu

"When I was a kid I used to ride my bike up and down Muffler Row without worrying about getting hit with bricks or getting guns thrown at me. That's not the case these days though, is it Tom?" -- Keith Gaistburn, recalling a more peaceful Newbridge youth

"I swear to God, you can hear his fat rolls just rippling when he talks. It's so disgusting. -- Kurt Gaistburn, informing his campaign manager about Tom's audible girth

"It was all I could do to hold down my wasabi-braised beef medallions -- it was that sick." -- Kurt Gaistburn, getting nauseous at the sight of a kid riding around in an old, banana-seat bike

And I swear, if you tell anybody, you're gonna be on the heart-stoppage list on Sunday. -- Kurt Gaistburn, threatening the Pharmacist-On-Duty at Drugville if he reveals the plot to poison Tom

"Uh, hello. Yes, this is ... what, you're name is Serge Gainsbourg?" -- Paul F. Tompkins, confusing Kurt Gaistburn's name with the French singer-songwriter

"You can't tell me that you've never fallen asleep to the whooshing and thud sounds." -- Kurt Gaistburn, attempting to get PFT to admit that he's used the Davies device

[TBSOWFMU - 1/22/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Headquarters / S&W]

Squeeze - "Cat On A Wall" (from the Packet of Three 12")

( Click here to visit the Packet of Three fansite)

The Late Show - "Take A Chance"

( Click here to read a blurb on Portable Pop)

The Shirts - "Too Much Trouble"

( Click here to read the AMG review of Inner Sleeve)

The Act - "The Long Island Soul"

( Click here to read the Trouser Press entry for Too Late At 20)

Gaunt - "Sister Transistor"

( Click here to buy Kryptonite)

Treepeople - "Funnelhead"

( Click here to buy Something Vicious for Tomorrow/Time Whore)

Grifters - "Bronze Cast"

( Click here to buy Crappin' You Negative)

Monster Magnet - "Twin Earth"

( Click here to buy Judd Apatow's Superjudge: 24 Hours in the Life of Red Bank Rocker David Albert Wyndorf)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

Continue reading "The Devil and Arte Johnson." »

Posted by Omar at 10:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by Omar at 2:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"There's a moment in Heath Ledger's far too short, sometimes brilliant film career that makes me so teary eyed, so filled with wistful emotion, that no matter how many times I watch it, I'm still taken aback by its deceptively simple power. No, it's not a scene from Ang Lee's Brokeback Mountain (his transcendent performance there makes me weep -- for more obvious reasons); rather, it was his final scene in Catherine Hardwicke's Lords of Dogtown, that underrated skater picture featuring one of Ledger's most poignant performances." -- Kim Morgan

Posted by Omar at 8:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"We miss you, Mort. We miss you. The world is a quieter place without you, and a less smoke-filled place." Tom, eulogizing the dearly-departed, nicotine-addled, toothy-grinned social commentator

"You know what?" -- Tom, asking Julie from Cincinnati if she knows

"Nope." -- Julie from Cincinnati, answering concisely, honestly, and hilariously

"The scariest words in the English language are 'music and lyrics by Mel Brooks.' It gives me like newfound respect for the restraint of the Zucker brothers." -- Julie Klausner, lamenting the lack of musical craft on display in the regrettably DIY Young Frankenstein

"It has really good acoustics." -- Petey, praising his high school's coffee-free coffeehouse venue

"In that guy's mind he thinks that it's funny that he's being so unfunny, but it's really just sad that he thinks that he's being funny because he's being so annoying and unfunny." -- Tom, explaining the skewed comedic vision of the mutant James

"The best kind of food is the kind of food where you get a penny back when you hand a person a single." -- Tom, shortly before GOMPing an animule for feasting on the sick Taco Bell cuisine

"It. got. worse." -- Julie Klausner, reporting on Act II of Young Frankenstein via text message

"Yeah, things went a little, uh, pear-shaped there, as they say over in Old ... whadda they call it? Old Blighty or Blimey? It's Blimey, right? -- Matthew Tompkins, attempting to use British slang to describe the tumultuous end to his tenure at ABC Television

"I mean, who needs all that scripted garbage. It's a waste of time, if you ask us." -- Matthew Tompkins, damning the WGA writers to hell on a coffee cup and a thermidor

"But between you and me ... Vance's gut was wrong on that one. And about 42 other judgments." -- Matthew Tompkins on the wrongful convictions coming from the bench of the unqualified Vance Asimov

"Guess what we did to him in the parking garage? We put electrodes on his pippin, and let 'er rip." -- Matthew Tompkins, revealing the shocking fate of an unwilling Tough Now contestant

"Well, it's kinda got the hint of the word 'beautiful' in it, which I think is totally aproposs." -- Matthew Tompkins, approving of television star Joey Buttafuoco's more elegant pronunciation

"He does this one character where he pretends to be like a complete, muscle-bound idiot. It's hilarious." -- Matthew Tompkins, marveling at Hulk Hogan's improv comedy chops

This guy's Q. Is through. The roof. His Q-rating." -- Matthew Tompkins on the quantifiable awesomeness of "Macho Man" Randall Savage

"You should be cheering like a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, or at the very least, a Cleveland Browns cheerleader." Matthew Tompkins, providing a gauge for the appropriate amount of enthusiasm Tom should have for his programming ideas

"If you have a bandanna, I would put it in my mouth to like, you know, clench down on. That way you don't look like too much of a p when you're gutted." -- Matthew Tompkins, offering Tom some advice for the climactic scene of To Hunt, Gut and Kill a Slob

"If you see anyone, Mike, resembling an international assassin, don't let them in the building." -- Tom, trying to steer clear of Boris, Thor, and Pablo

"His quirk is alcoholism." -- Mike, fleshing out The Wire's Jimmy McNulty for Tom

[TBSOWFMU - 1/15/08 / Podmirth / Video & Art Contest / Myspace / Fotpedia / Headquarters / S&W]

The Get Up Kids - "Ten Minutes"

( Click here to buy Something To Write Home About)

Blood On The Wall - "Turn Around and Shut Up"

( Click here to buy Liferz)

Les Savy Fav - "Pluto"

( Click here to buy 3/5)

Times-Herald Times New Viking - "The Early '80s"

( Click here to buy Rip It Off)

Graham Day and the Gaolers - "Part Time Dad"

( Click here to buy Soundtrack To The Daily Grind)

The A-Lines - "Four"

( Click here to buy You Can Touch)

The Busy Signals - "Matter Of Time"

( Click here to buy B