Recidivism Home > Dr. Red Duke's limited edition output:

March 7, 2009

Mighty tasty.

They better be.

May 8, 2008

I love my PJs

Clearly the success is due to the animated gifs.


November 13, 2007

math changes everything:

(funny/awful) * tragic = helpful

November 12, 2007

It's just a damn rip-off.

I understand it's a rip-off. I'm just saying it's good.

September 1, 2007

Recidotone #003:

But I got the Ring Ring. Ha Ha. Hey Hey.
De La Soul - "Delacratic (Ringtone)"
Brian Regan - "HEY! (Ringtone)"

August 20, 2007


with cheese (monkeys).

August 16, 2007

But then they settled on Douche Bag...

since that is what all his friends would ultimately call him anyway.

August 4, 2007

Might I suggest porn.

Thanks to what seems to be an unquenchable and yet, at the same time, somehow naturally unattainable demand for erections that is plaguing the airwaves here in the cyberspace, your ability to "comment" here are the R has, at least temporarily, been rendered impotent. I for one will now stop purchasing male enhancement products via the email and the interweb in a show of protest. I hope you, the reader, will boldly join me. Together we can stop this thing. Otherwise, the terrorists have already won. NEVER FORGET!

July 15, 2007

Say what you will about his ethos...

dude's got a knack for snappy video titles.

May 31, 2007

New Mac Ad

A little too long and not quite as funny.

April 5, 2007

The Final Countdown

March 18, 2007

Five colours: yellow, black and red and green...purple



March 10, 2007

nifty nifty...look who's 50!

Problem solved. Just look for those silly black balloons on the mailbox and you've got your man!


March 1, 2007

"super rabbit"

IM Busy - Part !!!

A continued sampling of status messages from my company's internal IM. Exclamation marks and suspended occasions abound this round.

What gives, 70deg on Dec 16th??

Adam (2)
Never quit because you're hit; GET EVEN!!!

Happy St. Patty's Day!!!

Still the One!!

David (2)
I'm not fat I'm big-boned

It's a good day!!!

I'm here somewhare...

get in my belly

Lost in translation.


Elvis Fan #1

You stay classy...

great job!

February 19, 2007

You're f***ed now woodpecker.

You, old people and Sarah Conner.

February 17, 2007

Really. You're going with "cud" there?

February 16, 2007

group c.

February 1, 2007

A very sinister appearance.

"It had a battery behind it, and wires."

move over actual terrorists, there's a new threat in town. the guerrila marketers have won.

January 25, 2007

Just like x-amount's piercing eyes.

January 22, 2007

You know what's boring?


CNN real fake headlines, first in a series. #001:

Monday, January 22. CNN writes: "Beachcombers grab crippled ship's booty."

Here's the story if you are at all interested (but let me just go ahead and save you the disappointment...there's no grabbing, no booties, not even a cripple).

November 7, 2006

Cult Classic


M. Craft - "She Sells Sanctuary"

November 6, 2006

And the rib, which God had taken from man...

Feast my dear friends, for there is no tomorrow.

November 4, 2006

Art is the New T-Shirt, #001.

nice stuff to put on walls.

November 2, 2006

Power Song. #002:

If I had my way, the gym loudspeaker would play this every time I walked out of the locker room and into the treadmill area. Onlookers would stop their workout and stand in awe of my majestic form striding languidly but purposefully and powerfully toward my belted steed. Slowly, ever so slowly, I would approach the mill, enter my workout coordinates, grip the support bar after giving it a slow motion wipe down, and press start. Then I'd frickin' jog. Jog like a mother*$%#er.

Imagine it. I dare you.

October 31, 2006

Dear Ass Clown

When you need to send that special message with style, elegance and vulgarity...

October 27, 2006

But I bet he subscribes to the Recid-O-Cast

September 28, 2006

You think the swords might be too much Stan?

Grow a pair of balls, Frank. The concept's gold.

Fatwah Fridays

September 23, 2006

Confessions. #008

Oops, I did it again. I played with your heart, got lost in the game.

And now look at you. And the bandages. So much blood. I never thought... oh baby. baby.

September 21, 2006

Confessions. #006:

I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.

September 5, 2006

Confessions. #005:

In two parts:

1. I like that Fergie song. I don't know what her London Bridge is, but the thought of it coming down in my presence is wildly intriguing.

2. I'm growing a beard.

September 3, 2006

We want Malcolm Gladwell!

Dance like an idiot and don't sell anything. ZeFrank's TEDTalk.

August 29, 2006

Philips has got your back, x...

not to mention your [bleep]s and bleep.

Addendum, #001:

an informal survey topic for our readers. WHO SHAVES WHAT THESE DAYS? i'm in the dark (and curlies) on this subject. respond in comments. results will be tallied and and smooth, clean-shaven pie graphs will ensue.

August 18, 2006

I know I shouldn't eat thee...


August 16, 2006

Camp to Hold Elections

Hostettler vs. Ellsworth. Although if Hearst gets his way, the Pinkertons will be running the show.

August 2, 2006


A sampling of status messages from my company's internal IM eight months later. Some people just stick to their guns (but refine their status ever so slightly to achieve perfection).


Tall Red Head in Dallas

I'm not fat I'm big-boned

I'm here somewhare...

Dennis (2)
go back to WORK!!!

Go Eagles!



Lost in translation.

Working in the Black Hole!!

Elvis Fan #1

is Jay Z talented? Let's discuss.

(Note: SHIPPINGS BEST was fired.)

July 27, 2006

When will it end?

We must put a stop to this murderous rampage. WHO's with me?

I think you're craaa zee

Man, these guys are taking over the world. Is there anything they can't do?

July 11, 2006

Ho. Ly. Crap.

Agreed. I was so keyed up after that episode I couldn't get to sleep for hours.

(x, did we not we almost exactly duplicate this assessment over the phone on the way home today?)

Dwight and Gareth. Colleagues.

I'm just watching.

June 28, 2006

Recid-O-Cast. #010:

Each Sunday now, my brain struggles to adjust to the pressure drop that takes place on HBO from the consistently brilliant Deadwood to the much anticipated but brilliant Lucky Louie. Despite mad props for Louis C.K., one of the R collective's favorite comedians, his stand up act has yet to translate on screen to any comparable degree of hilarity. Still, after only three shows I refuse to give up and remain hopeful that the show will hit its stride.

A Thought: Perhaps all that is needed is a slight modification to Deadwood's formula in order to lessen the disparity between the two shows. Enter Recid-O-Cast #010 (YouTubed below for the impatient types).

And what better way to mark our (long overdue) 10th podcast than to take it to the next generation. Videotape. It's the future of the industry.

[Get the next 10.]

June 20, 2006

Puberty may bring you to understand...

...what we take for mother-love is really murderous hatred and a desire for revenge.

June 16, 2006

Beautiful Evidence.

If you're a fan of his previous books, you'll want this one too.

I like this guy...

and I cannot lie.

cosmo has nothing to do with his selection.

heard via TSOYA .

June 14, 2006

You'll go to hell for what your dirty mind is


June 12, 2006

Sally forth...

with unencumbered thoughts.

June 7, 2006

. . . the usual trappings

of an artist who’s trying to aim at some sense of spirituality but is, at heart, a corrupted materialist.

May 29, 2006

You want to go where now?

And I drive you in a what? And that's what you want to say. In public. For the first time since the...whole..thingy. Sure, sounds good. Let's do this.

First rule of Fight Club... to quit wearing those effing shorts, Kilmanis. I mean Jeezus man, you knew frickin' CNN was coming. Even Tyler Durden would look like a total retard in those.

Es una pasión del corazón

y es divertido.

May 15, 2006

All my friends are dead

Except Sweet Pete and his best worst album cover collection.

May 7, 2006



I think not. Please don't hurt 'em x.

April 30, 2006

Flavor Flav is the one that makes the soap funny


March 22, 2006

Colberts all.

His big break as a gay leper, a healthy fear of bears instilled by his father, and his rise to power. And that's all in the first of four parts of a very enjoyable chat with Stephen Colbert.

February 28, 2006

We Should Clarify 5GB

I'm sure everyone has seen this already and I'm the last to laugh at it. But I'm posting it anyway.

Recid-O-Cast. #008:

It's about creative control for x-amount. This is what I have to go through to sell a concept on this two bit broadcast. Anyway, despite the drama, I think we're all on board and I've got my plane tickets. DRD in the NYC! Watch out, windy city!

February 25, 2006

timex social club

January 29, 2006

Recid-O-Cast. #005:

No, I am not ticklish. These and other feverish ramblings about me are addressed in this, the 5th installment of the Recid-O-Cast. Plus, special guest Ray Nagin. All enveloped in a warm and wraspy voice that just begs to be recorded.

Submit to the will of the Recid-O-Cast RSS feed.

January 23, 2006

mini-Recid-O-Cast: I'm sick with this...

So sometimes I get ridiculous.

January 21, 2006

Henry and Silas = trendsetters

Jacob and Luke = trend

January 19, 2006

Ancient Chinese Secret

How to fold a shirt.

January 17, 2006

Your money's on the dresser, New Orleans.

To maximize your enjoyment, Mayor Ray Nagin's explanation should be read in the style and voice of David Brent.

Recid-O-Cast. #002:

Accidentally deleted but born again for your enjoyment.

January 6, 2006

If x-amount was my nephew...

I can only imagine that his comment would be similar in reference to my dying words scrawled on a scrap of paper in the pitch black as I clung to life's last dust-choked breaths. One final grammatical point of fact to commemorate my tragic passing.

December 30, 2005

My Top 10 Sandwiches of 2005:

1. Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich
2. BLT Sandwich
3. Ham
4. Fish Filet Sandwich
5. Chicken Sandwich
6. Peanut Butter & Banana Sandwich
7. Kanye West
8. Egg Salad Sandwich
9. Arby's
10. Pimento Cheese Sandwich

December 29, 2005

Hey Dr., what song is this? #002:

[x amount writes: One of the reasons we started this dinky blog was to aggregate all the links/music/crap that we knew Dr. Red Duke would never actually take the time to hunt down himself. And he's never smarter than what we feed him. In this series we send slightly edited mp3blog textual guts (NOT the songs, just the writeups!) to the good Dr. and he tries to guess what song they're describing.]

[Artist] "[Song title]" - Is there an aural equivalent of squinting? If there is, then do that with this song, and you can sort of get the feeling of an imaginary rocking Portishead song with beats jacked from that first UNKLE album. I love the keyboard spazz-out on the break - it's like mayhem breaking out in a novelty shop.

-- Fluxblog, 12.14.05

Dr. Red Duke's guess: It's less like squinting and more like peering through your half empty bottle of Stoli as you witness the glorious gray onrush of hamburgers, denim, hair, pigeons and sweet, sweet hazy freedom. I had to squint a little harder to find that beat you were talking about (it kicks in about half way in) and I think the keyboard is ACTUAL whistling...but who knows anymore with all of today's fancy technology. It's sad really. Not being able to tell the difference. Bottom line though, with the granted exception of those Portishead fellows you mention along with your Unkle [sic] (although I'm sure you're a bit biased being related and all), no one rocks the house with that twinge of eastern block despondency more than these guys.

December 8, 2005

Hey Dr., what song is this?, first in a series. #001:

[x amount writes: One of the reasons we started this dinky blog was to aggregate all the links/music/crap that we knew Dr. Red Duke would never actually take the time to hunt down himself. We do all the foraging; he does all the enjoying. And he's never smarter than what we feed him. This new series will have us sending slightly edited mp3blog textual guts (NOT the songs, just the writeups!) to the good Dr. and having him try to guess what song they're describing.]

[Artist] "[Song title]" - How square are people now that any busker with a stupid beard gets to be called "freak folk" without having to actually sound as bizarre as this [edit] head-scratcher? The song begins as an urgent, theatrical lo-fi prog-folk thing (you could probably trick someone into believing that it's Guided By Voices at first), but halfway through, the vocals are put through some kind of extreme processing that makes it sound like the mic has been passed to an opera-loving Dalek.

-- Fluxblog, 11.22.05

Dr. Red Duke's guess: The beard is a dead giveaway. I mean how many singers do we know that have one of those. And I take issue with the characterization of said beard as "stupid." I find it fetching.

Second hint I'm picking up on here: theatrical lo-fi. This really helps me zero in on the song in question. Say no more. I must admit I'm not up on the "prog-folk" lingo, but if I'm on target with my guess then surely its "every man" translation is "simply glorious."

Guided by Voices? I suppose so. It is a melodic track with existential lyrics that lead me to a peaceful place I could not otherwise find.

Last bit, and I must correct the author here. Those are no voice-processed vocals. That's a whole 'nother person. And it's a woman. Hence, the change in pitch that you've mistaken as artificially manufactured. A man and woman singing together. Could there be anything MORE natural? And she is, in fact, an opera-lover of the "grand ole" variety.

I'll provide my answer in the mp3 format of which you're all so fond. But I'd like to suggest you listen to it Dr. Red Duke style, in the way it was meant to be heard (and read), at my pick for mp3blog of the month. Ah-ah.

December 2, 2005

Whatcha want 2 eat?

Ribs. You better be happy that dress is still on, Mr. President.

December 1, 2005

Jeezus that's creepy.

It would have been nice to have had a buffer character between roles as Corrupt Whore Butcherer and Son of our Lord. Nevertheless, Wolcott is God.

Random Song I Sang in the Shower this Morning and Don't Know Why. #002:

I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General

Gilbert and Sullivan (although I must admit I know it best from an even gayer source.)

Style in which I performed it:
True to form

Why? And sorry for the visual this must conjure up.

November 23, 2005

Random Song I Sang in the Shower this Morning and Don't Know Why. #001:

Open Arms


Style in which I performed it:
Exaggerated falsetto

This is an ongoing series. Please help me. My brain is broken. Any analysis as to why this and any future song is sung by me in the shower is encouraged and appreciated.

November 1, 2005

IM Out

A sampling of status messages from my company which has just adopted internal IM.


The tall red head in Dallas, Texas.

War Eagle!


I'm not fat I'm big-boned

David 2
The One!!!!

The star of the group!!!

Go back to work

Kung Fu master

October 31, 2005

OK, I know I shouldn't have laughed out loud


October 21, 2005

It's all in the title

As such.

If you don't regularly read this, do.

October 20, 2005

Super Fan?

He also requested to be the only white guy in a cell block full of larger, stronger black dudes.

October 17, 2005

More like Max "Deadroom"

that's all i've got. the rest isn't even funny.

October 7, 2005 he dances with amazed customers, prospects or other guests.

For those of you naysayers who think nothing happens in Cuming, GA, I present to you the following. I don't see Marietta boasting a fairground robot of such ubiquitous appeal. Or a copywriter of such skill with the turn of a phrase.

September 23, 2005

Number of lives this guy has =


September 19, 2005

“Die you little black bastards, die!”

I shoulda started RAVIOLI.

September 12, 2005


"special" tang.

July 27, 2005


Just when I thought this couldn't get any worse. Hope they don't write Affleck in.

July 18, 2005

Dr. Red Duke Tips Interpol to Fugitive's Whereabouts. Claims 150,000 lari!

That dude's not in Tbilisi, Georgia. He's in New York.

Whatever will I do with all my lari?

July 10, 2005

Oh Captain, My Captain.

Dude, I dare you.

July 7, 2005

The Gravy on your Ken Lay entrée

(CBS) Friday, July 8, at 8 p.m. ET/PT
Ken Lay, the man who built Enron, gives his first network television interview since the scandal broke. Plus, the married mother of two who will pilot the space shuttle Discovery talks to Dan Rather. And, a psychologist unlocks the secrets of why we buy what we buy.

While the line up sounds appropriately spellbinding for Friday night news magazine programming, what this innocuous description of this Friday's 60 Minutes II fails to mention is that the secret-unlocking psychologist will be unlocking secrets for me and my TurboChef marketing colleagues. 60 Minutes tracked along with this guy as he worked with us to develop key aspects of our brand position for our upcoming residential offering. While I likely will get little or no camera time - unless I am seen briefly as I keenly dissect the thoughts of consumers and their innermost secrets behind focus-group glass - they do interview my boss Steve and a few other execs to get their perspective on what they think about this guy and his unusual approach.

I have no idea how the piece will unfold or how much attention will be placed on us. But, kinda neat nonetheless. And probably the closest I'll ever get to exposure on a syndicated news program on a major network. Hopefully it will be a gee-whiz piece instead of an exposé. But you never know. Irregardless, feel free to TIVO.

I hope it doesn't turn out like this .

By the way, when they interviewed Steve in the classic 60 minutes "black box" they had a dossier on hime that included everything from his tax records from 1992 to his high school transcripts. So don't think that permanaent record can't come back to bite you in the ass. I'm looking at you, Chamberlain.

June 30, 2005

Mine's black.

Salvation is yours.

June 26, 2005


gh-tennis[1c3] copy.jpg

the pace isn't exactly blistering. but the competition is heating up.

June 8, 2005

The Concourse Jams to WRMS

So as I sat in the men's room stall at my office this morning, as is the routine, I was enjoying the relaxing sounds of the muzak the Concourse pumps into the bathrooms and elevator lobbies. As one song finished up and my business continued, on came the perfect song. It was the slow jam played under De La's slow and low DooDoo Man skit. Da da dee dah, bwo wow wa wa. I found this absolutely hilarious and perfectly fitting to the activity. Just thought I'd share, knowing you'd all have laughed out loud like I did if it happened to be your morning dump soundtrack.

Ooo Ooo Oooooh, tha doodoo man.

June 3, 2005

Apple gets 20 years to iLife.

This applies to mine. I'll take option one, please.

May 19, 2005

In good company.

Other notables that share X jr's birthday include:

Brooks Robinson - apparently some sort of famous baseball player
Reggie Jackson - see above
George Strait - contemporary country western singer
Chow Yun-Fat - Hong Kong cinema icon
Pope John Paul II - electric boogaloo
Bill Macy - not the good one, the one from the Jerk
Mark Mothersbaugh - acclaimed musician
Tina Fey - beloved Weekend Update anchorperson
Perry Como - some old dude

All in all, a very interesting and eclectic group with a little bit of everything X likes, particularly '80s country hits and baseball. Well done Ms. X. Congrats.

May 13, 2005

Oh great.

Guess I'll have to buy this next to get my ass kicked at Halo3.

May 12, 2005

It's been a while.

I say we tack a game on to this weekend's gathering at Adam's. Especially with easy money at the table a la J-Biz, Daniel and Adam2. I'll even write the first installment of Recidivism Poker Report (if only to get X-amount interested in the game again).

May 4, 2005


In honor of this, our 60th post (huzzah!), what say we switch up the ol' subhead. Seeing as how some of us check the site regularly during our work day and seeing as how some or, in my own case for instance, many of our departmental collegues are women who may happen to pass by and glance at our screen and, upon reading Recidivism's somewhat provacitive to the uninitiated (albeit hilarious to us) subhead, wonder or even ask directly, "Umm...what is that site about?" And then we might have to awkwardly stumble through an explanation of said subhead, placing great emphasis on the comedic merits of The Office which really must be seen to understand and yet, inevitably, has been seen by NO ONE in our offices other than ourselves. Hence, said explanation may fall short of a suitable response to the "curious" party's inquiry, leaving what can only be described as palpable awkwardness hanging around one's workspace.

So I ask, given this "hypothetical" situation, for consideration, knowing full well that do so also invites the subhead to grow larger, bolder and ever more noticeable. What say you all?

April 27, 2005


That's it? Versus jets? Jeez, man.

April 26, 2005

Germans love Sherbert Sticks with Dextrose

...particualrly their teen athletes. I don't know if any of you clicked through to the Smurf candy description on the Mimi link, but do give it a look and then keep browsing. The descriptions of candy are delightfully German. Here's a taste.

April 18, 2005


I didn't realize these guys actually existed. Love Deadwood's flirtation with history.

April 14, 2005

Jeez Tom. Damn it. Jeezus. We're just talkin' here.

man. i make one comment longing for the good ole days of IM and i get a non-verbal toungue lashing. hope my company doesn't ban e-mail so i can continue to be abused by x-amount. (start from the bottom to feel my pain...endured in rapid succession):

On 4/14/05, x amount wrote:
Also: it takes a village. And it takes time. I put shillak up in the mix too. So now we've got Omar, you, Mixed Nut, shillak, me, and dop. You should post something. Hint: I don't read unless you send me there. Hint number two: even your animated gifs thing would crack me up if that was the kind of thing you linked to. Hint number three: [a href="URLGOESHERE"]blue word[/a] is how you do links -- in case you forgot.

On 4/14/05, x amount wrote:
Also: good one re: Forte sexantics. Want me to put that in the comment bin?

On 4/14/05, x amount wrote:
Also: how's come you haven't stuck your own something up there anyway? I wanna see some Red-generated juice!

On 4/14/05, x amount wrote:
Are you complaining? I'm never setting up another website for you AGAIN.

On 4/14/05, dr red duke wrote:

No instant feedback or banter on comments. No build.


Dr. Red Duke biography

I can't live without my radio.