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Slapstick

"Summer's almost gone ..." -- Jim Morrison, in one of his many terrible songs
"What is this place?" -- Steve in Michigan, discovering an oasis in the night en route to NYC
"Mmmmmm ... warm lettuce. Tasty." -- Tom, reflecting on one of the delights of a toasted sub
"Hey, can I have a quarduh?" -- Sheldon, bullying kids at the Bowcraft arcade
"They don't do that in Roxboro, no way and no day." -- Philly Boy Roy on his hometown Wawa's refusal to offer toasted subs
"I'm proud of my city, ain't youse proud of your cities?" -- PBR, explaining why he limits himself to Philly-centric cinema
"Roy, I ain't gonna live to 30. I'm gonna go out in a blaze of glory." -- Roy, Jr., living life to its fullest
"He musta got wind of my wind." -- Philly Boy Roy on how Officer Harrups tracked him down
"I've done all of my research / I read a big, long guide." -- MC Steinberg, flying towards ecstasy courtesy of author Brutus Ping
"My zip code skills are deteriorating." -- Tom, after a rare misfire on South Orange
"I would slap the Hendrix right off of him." -- Dave in Philly, taking it to Lenny Kravitz
"We get it. You like the leaf." -- Tom, growing weary of Canada's ubiquitous foliage
"Your DNA told you to stay away from Two and a Half Men." -- Tom on the innate instincts to avoid the popular CBS sitcom
"Is this Tim V, by any chance?" -- Tom, finally determining the identity of his old buddy
"You're asking me out?" -- Tom, confirming that Dan wants him to be his date for the New York Television Festival
"Hey, you look like that guy who always plays a bridge troll in every movie." -- Tom, explaining that casting Paul Giamatti in his role is not very endearing
"Thank God they did crack, instead of dropping the Hot August Nights CDs." -- Tom, thankful that the U.S. Government went easy on the inner-city ghettos
"You might get the cat, you might get the king cobra." - Greg from Hayday on a truly special edition of Pet Sounds
"I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ... I hope ..." -- Extended outro from Hayday's new smash hit, "Hope You Had Fun"
"Define 'wear'." -- Tom, trying to find a nice way to respond to a question about a Danny Manning jersey

[TBSOWFMU - 8/29/06 / Podmirth / Jingle Jams / Myspace / Fotpedia / Headquarters]

Here's some Nuggets offspring:

The Bangles - "The Real World" [YouTube]

(List your Bangles 1 to 4 in the comments. I'm talking about the gals in the band, so you don't have to stress over where you were going to put Everything.)

Primal Scream - "Gentle Tuesday" [YouTube]

Baby What's Wrong - "Cynics"

Nashville Ramblers - "The Trains"

The Spongetones - "(My Girl) Maryanne"

The Salvation Army - "She Turns To Flowers"

The Plimsouls - "Everyday Things"

Chris Stamey and The dB's - "(I Thought) You Wanted To Know"

( Click here to buy Children Of Nuggets: Original Artyfacts From The Second Psychedelic Era 1976-1995)

I just got back from the meat house, so it's time for some annotated highlights:

Putting people and things on notice is hard work. The Youse Are On Notice series took the Labor Day Weekend off and will resume on 9/12/06.

Phone Line Update: Tom mentions that unauthorized dissemination of the exclusive The Best Show phone number violates his WFMU contract and his business agreement with Verizon. Those caught will be prosecuted by Tom's formidable legal team. You've been warned yet again, Evil Bill Z.



Farm Fresh brake pads: Really cool and so worth those extra coupla pennies!


- An audio guru calls (starts at 28:12) with some Tommy Boy drop-ins cued up on the computer. Tom plays along with the exchange:

"Hey, what's your name?" Tom.
"Tommy, am I right?" Yes, Tommy, yes, you are right.
"Wait a second, is this your first time?" First time, doing what?

At this point, Tom can barely contain his hilarity. The caller, by way of Chris Farley, exclaims "Oh. My. God!" before giving up with a "Forget it, I quit." Tom's verdict: clever stuff. However, he's only interested in a Zod soundboard, which would allow him to order people to rise before Zod, and then kneel before Zod prior to beginning their calls to the show.

- Steve calls (starts at 30:00) with a story and a question that arises from said story. He's not sure if it's interesting, but promises to try to tell it the best way he can. He reveals that it involves Philly Boy Roy, which certainly helps his cause. In fact, the question is more for PBR, and he was hoping that Tom could relay it to him. Tom can't account for PBR, but says that he's probably listening.

Steve lives in Michigan and is moving to NYC in about a week. He used to live in Manhattan about seven years ago following college, so he makes frequent visits to the area. Tom wants to know if he's moving to Staten Island or Staten Island, but Steve is actually moving to land of white belts and rogue tall bikers: Brooklyn. He makes the 12-hour drive in a day, only stopping for gas, food, and a splash of cold water. About a year ago, he discovered his new favorite place to stop and refuel. He was low on gas somewhere in upper PA, and a glowing oasis arose out of the darkness of night -- it was Wawa. He didn't know what it was at the time, but now he loves it. Not only does it have the cheapest gas on that stretch, but it also offers nem sandwiches. This particular outlet is about two hours out of NYC, so it provides Steve with a second wind for the final part of his trek.

Last week, he stopped at the Wawa per usual, filled up the car, and then grabbed some Tastykakes and a sodey to fill himself up. He also ordered a hoagie, and the first option they offered was toasting. This took Steve by surprise since PBR recently laid down the law and made it quite clear that this was not done at Wawa. Back in July, PBR allegedly torched a Quiznos on Roosevelt Avenue for their penchant for toasting subs, among other things. In addition to being horrified by their roll-toasting ways, which he declared to be "sick" and ruinous, PBR also objected to a decor devoid of any Philly-centric tchotkes. PBR had no memory of committing the arson, but reports indicated that two men -- one short and one tall -- were seen fleeing the scene. PBR suggested that he did the deed while under a trance induced by Roy, Jr.'s piercing "psychic eyes". Tom believed that PBR was using Roy, Jr. as an excuse to cover the fact that he was enraged and intentionally burnt down the offending shop.

Steve declined the toasting option and wants to know if there is a standard procedure for complaining to the corporate headquarters. He's not sure if there has been an official change in policy or if he's stumbled into a renegade Wawa that decided to join in on the sub-toasting craze that is practiced by many of its competitors. Tom says that if PBR calls, he will bounce it off him. Steve was familiar with Quiznos in Michigan and did not realize that toasting was considered verboten by some sub enthusiasts until hearing PBR's rant. He admits to occasionally opting for a toasted sub, but generally prefers them in their pure, cold state. Tom asks him if the lure of hot lettuce is what hooks him into the toasting. He explains that his goal is to melt the cheese or warm up the bacon. Tom welcomes him to New York and looks forward to his arrival.

phone_booth.png- The funny soundman is back (starts at 36:01) to say hello as Kiefer Sutherland's demented sniper from the feature film Phone Booth. Using KS as his messenger, he informs Tom that it's not in his best interest to disconnect the call, and follows that up with some cackling. He also wants to know if Tom is feeling nervous. Tom thinks it's in the caller's best interest to be a little faster on the soundboard to create a more seamless dialogue. He wants to know if Tom is still with him, and Tom's barely hanging on. He makes it clear that he's the one who gives the orders and issues one to Tom: "Go on, hang up!" Tom quickly obeys.

- Sheldon from Basking Ridge calls (starts at 39:42) in a state of depression after surviving a head-on collision this past Sunday on Route 78. While traveling on the rain-slicked roads in a downpour, he completely lost control and smashed into a wall. He escaped without injuries, but his car was totaled. He thinks he may be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result of the harrowing incident. Sheldon thought he was two seconds away from dying and illuminates the experience of sliding towards potential doom. In the moments before he hit the wall, a comforting image appeared: an attractive woman driving a car with a WFMU bumper sticker. Sheldon took solace in this because he felt that he could happily pass on with his last Earthly vision being a WFMU sticker. Tom thinks he really needs some perspective on his life.

He wants to know if Tom has any therapy to offer for the next couple of days. Sheldon, 18, lives in a small town and does not have a car, so he's becoming quite bored being stuck in the house during the recent rainy weather. Tom has an idea, which prompts him to recite one of his top five movie lines of all-time: "Then he can borrow my slicker!" from What About Bob?. Sheldon is very amused and impressed with Tom's skillful execution of the Richard Dreyfuss delivery. Tom tells Sheldon to put on his gear -- galoshes, rain hat, and slicker -- and walk over to Bowcraft to play some video games and ride the new rolleycoasty. Sheldon does not live within walking distance of the amusement park and is not interested in trundling along route 22 to get to Scotch Plains, which is four or five towns away. Plus, Sheldon no longer has a ride to his job, so he doesn't have the cash to gain admittance into Bowcraft. He wonders if he should try to steal money from his mother, but Tom says he can hang out in arcade area and bully little kids. Sheldon thinks that could work because he owns a pair of brass knuckles. Tom says that he shouldn't actually threaten them with violence, but just ask them questions, such as "Hey, can I have a quarduh?"

Tom remembers getting harassed for money at arcades by the bullies of his youth. Sheldon can relate to that because he's a lanky Jew with a pituitary affliction. In other words: primo bullying fare. He gets excited as he recounts tales of bullies asking for his Pokemon cards and threatening to punch him, and Tom is forced to cut him off. After a strong call that included the drama of a near-death experience, Sheldon ruins it by engaging in toilet talk. Perhaps he gets a pass since he may be in the throes of PTSD. Or maybe he has Tourette's.

- DJ Terre T checks in (starts at 43:54) and promises to keep it clean while inquiring about the details of Sheldon's crash. She often travels on 78, and Tom suspects that she may be the attractive lady that appeared to him. Terre wants to know what kind of car the WFMU sticker was affixed to and get a description of its driver. Tom says that Sheldon will have to give any additional details to Mike off the air due to his uncontrollable toilet mouth. Tom tells Terre T that it happened on Sunday, and she's fairly sure that she was not traveling on 78 that day. She will do some further thinking to ascertain her whereabouts. While it's not entirely clear what Terre T was up to this past Sunday, Tom knows what she will be doing this coming Saturday: the Cherry Blossom Clinic, her weekly WFMU radio show. Tom says it's the best show on the station. Terre says Tom is the best. One thing is clear: both are 2-3 billion times better than Doctor Stupid's Goofballorama. In fact, I proved it with mathematics: Silly Voices + Deicide = S hitty programming.

On Saturday, Terre T had The New Lou Reeds, a band that has a dude (Edward Sotelo) from Cobra Verde and offers cranking, 70s southern rock heaviness. Terry gives her Myspace page address and apologizes for using Tom's show for self-promotion. Tom says he will let it slide, and Terre T gives the URL one more time, directing listeners to disregard it. She mentions that she will have The Avengers live in the studio on 9/9, and Tom bids her fare thee well.

The Avengers - "The American In Me"



Glory Daze: Audience participation is now frowned upon in Philadelphia cineplexes


- Philly Boy Roy Shalit is ready (starts at 47:33) with his Invincible review, having taken over the role as resident The Best Show film critic from a delinquent Spike. Before getting to the film, Tom tells him that Steve had a question for him. PBR is intriqued ("Oh yeah, whaddey ax?"), and Tom fills him in on Steve's newfound love of Wawa. He then delivers the bad news: this outlet offers to toast their subs. PBR thinks that's sacrilege and says it is not done in Roxboro -- "no way and no day." Tom suspects it might be a regional policy, and PBR vows to complain to the home office and put a lot of people in that region out of work if he finds out where it's occurring. Tom's not sure the company would actually shut down a Wawa store because PBR complained, but PBR thinks they have no choice because you don't toast no subs.

PBR says that if you want that, you go to Quiznos, and he's disgusted that he even said the name of that establishment. Tom says it's a matter of personal taste, and PBR follows it up by adding "or lack thereof", a rare, well-crafted phrase by his grammatical standards. PBR is also surprised: "Did I say that? That don't sound like something that would come out of my mouth, do it?" Now we're back to normal. Speaking of doing it, PBR wants to get into his Invicible review and gives a brief plot synopsis: it's the story of Vince Papale (Mark Wahlberg), a Philly bartender who also taught typin'. He plays sandlot football with his boys in South Philly, goes to open tryouts held by new head coach Dick Vermeil (Greg Kinnear) following the Eagles' awful 1975 season, and makes the team. PBR says that's pretty much the movie, but what happened at the movie is even more exciting.

On Friday morning, he brought the entire clan to the Ritz 8 on Walnut Street in Center City for the 11:15 a.m. show. Tom mentions that he's seeing the first showing on the first morning of the film's release. PBR says, "Could it be any other way?" Tom takes this to be a rhetorical statement. PBR is confused by the term "rhetorical", and Tom wants to just move on. PBR says that the Riz is one of those art houses that had all these other weird movies playing. Truth be told, PBR has not been to a theater since 1993 when he saw Philadelphia. He made 30 attempts in 2002 to see Signs because it takes place up in Bucks County. However, he kept leaving the theater during the film. Tom asks him if he exclusively sees films that revolve around Philadelphia. PBR says he does because he's proud of his city, and wonders if Tom has a similar artistic connection to New Jersey: "Ain't youse proud of your cities?" Tom has Jersey pride, but doesn't limit his entertainment to things that take place within its confines. PBR wrote down the names of the other films showing at the theater:

1. An Inconvenient Truth, which PBR describes as a film about "global warnings"

2. Scoop. PBR is not familiar with this film, so Tom tells him that it's the new Woody Allen movie. PBR doesn't know him, but he does know that Scarlett Johansson is in it. Roy, Jr. calls her "Ms. Funbags". Tom thinks that's charming.

3. Little Miss Sunshine. Tom tells him that it's a new indie comedy, so PBR assumes that it takes place in Indianapolis and is probably a car movie. Tom tells him it's indie like independent film, not like the Indy 500.

The Zieglers arrived at the theater at 10 a.m. and were shocked to see that they were second in line at that early hour. The guy who was ahead of them was also wearing an Eagles uniform. The Zieglers were decked out in one big uniform, which Rhoda started making when she heard about the film being shot last year. PBR is mad because this guy has totally stolen his thunder. However, he won PBR over by offering him an olive branch that was constructed from Peanut Chews. The guy had apparently taped, melted, or smelted a cluster of Chews into the shape of an olive branch. Tom doesn't understand how someone would arrive at a movie theater with a pre-made, candied olive branch. PBR thinks that the guy knew about PBR and assumed that he was gonna get their early. Therefore, he was gonna get their earlier. Tom thinks the olive branch might be a Philly thing, and PBR agrees since it's the city of brotherly love. Tom sarcastically suggests that there's always so much love that comes out of PBR's calls to the show.

The man introduces himself to PBR as "Center City Sid". PBR explains that Center City is where it's all happening in the heart of downtown. PBR took a liking to CCS, a 64-year-old diehard Eagles fan who also worked at The Spectrum for 15 years. CCS threw PBR out of the venue in 1986 when he went to see The Power Station, a supergroup that included Duran Duran's John and Andy Taylor. PBR and his buddies didn't like the band, but they went because they thought they was a bunch of 'mos. PBR threw a bottle at bassist John Taylor, and CCS tossed him. PBR thought he recognized CCS and confirmed his identity via his Eagles ring. During the 1986 incident, he slapped PBR on the side of his face with an open palm. It left a mark of an Eagle that is still there, and they matched it up outside of the theater. Tom had no idea that his face featured an Eagles imprint. PBR says it's faint, but you can still see it if you get close enough. He doesn't want Tom to get that close to him. Now that Tom knows PBR's position, he will abort all of his plans to get close to him.

The theater is about to open, and PBR starts freaking out just like when he met Carl Weathers at a car show. During that encounter, he almost let one rip, which is what he does when he gets real scared. PBR foreshadows the action to come by recalling the old days when you could talk during the movie. When he saw Spike Lee's School Daze in 1988, a lot more than talking went down: the entire Philly audience joined in with the go-go anthem "Da Butt" and danced up and down the aisles. At the time, PBR said this was standard behavior in Philly theaters: "That's what you did!"

Invicible starts playing, and PBR is so caught up in it that he starts rattlin' off all the Philly locales -- Passyunk Avenue, 10th and Christian, the Wawa where he had his first hoagie. The new breed of moviegoers did not appreciate the commentary, responding with the first of many requests for PBR to shut up. PBR was undeterred, saying, "Hey, this how we used to watch movies in Philly, get used to it." One of the practice scenes was set to "Funk 49" by nem James Gang, and PBR got the whole family to boogy all over the theater. Tom thinks this is completely annoying to the other people trying to watch the film. PBR thinks they should have been lovin' the "Funk 49" dance because they are the Zieglers.

Tom hates that attitude, which suggests that the family is inherently more entertaining than the movie. PBR points out that they were still all crammed into the oversized uniform. Tom wants to ponder that image in his head. PBR grants him the time to "drink it in" and "bathe in its glory", which is a bit much for Tom. PBR reveals that the family is encased in the #66 jersey of famed linebacker Bill Bergey, who also appears in the film. Bergey backgrounder: in a call from November 2005, PBR said that he was once suspended from the team for reasons never made public. At the time of the infraction, PBR's dad was working as a delivery man and got the scoop from some contacts at City Hall. The suspension had something to do with Bergey's jock strap. And a cheerleader. And a nun.

PBR discusses a scene where the the aspiring Eagles attend the tryouts. While there are authentic exterior shots of The Vet before they tore it down, the interior shots do not look real to PBR. He's convinced that the filmmakers attempted to recreate it somewhere else and alerts the audience to his debunking. He stands up and says, "Hey, everybody, that's not the inside of the Vet, no way, no day." This is met with another chorus of "shut up" requests. Roy, Jr. pushed him to resist the opposition and continue to testify to the truth. PBR says that his son pushes him on in all he does in life.

PBR also had some issues with the film's portrayal of domestic life. In the beginning of the film, Papale is playing sandlot football with his bros. He comes home to his nice row house and his wife, who is a super bee-otch. She starts getting on him about stuff, and PBR doesn't understand her motivation since she appears to have it all -- they live in a beautiful row home on the most happening city on Earth, they've got indoor plumbing, and three television channels. PBR cannot relate to the existential malaise: "Some people just can't be satisfied, I guess." The next day, Papale arrives home after getting fired from teachin' and everything's gone. His wife left him a note that basically says you ain't never gonna be nothin', ain't never gonna make no money, and it hits him really hard. PBR can relate to the initial emotional tumult of getting your first missive of this kind, but says that eventually you get used to it. PBR has received about 350 of these notes, most of them are from Roy, Jr., some are from neighbors, and about 75 are from Rhoda. Rhoda don't leave because she knows that he's The Dude. PBR abides. Tom hates that so much.

danzig_wahlberg.jpg

PBR says that Mark Wahlberg is really good in the flick and his dyed-black hair makes him look just like Glenn Danzig. This makes sense because PBR heard that he will play the lead in the Glenn Danzig bio-pic, Some Kind Of Hate: The Glenn Danzig Story. PBR read the news in either Viority or Revolver. For the second straight week, Tom corrects him by saying it's Variety magazine. PBR says it's like apples and oranges, pronouncing the latter fruit with a hard "g" sound. Tom thinks that might be a new low for PBR, who justifies the misspeak by saying he's never heard it pronounced or eaten one. He reminds Tom that his family's fruit and vegetable intake consists of Tastykake products mixed in a salad bowl. PBR says there are no actual vegetables in the bowl, unless one counts flour. Tom does not. PBR heard that Chris Klein will play Eerie Von Stellman, wrestler Chris Jericho will play Jerry Only, and Julianne Moore will play the love interest.

beerholder.JPGTom says that everyone can look forward to that film, and PBR is looking forward to getting a sign he saw in Invicible. A lot of the film takes place in a local Philly bar, which displays a sign on the wall that says "Beauty Is In the Eye of the Beerholder". PBR ain't never heard that before, and the clever wordplay caused him to crack up and roll around all over the floor of the theater. People told him to shut up. Tom's not surprised. PBR made Roy, Jr. promise to carve the phrase into his tombstone if he dies first. However, Roy, Jr. made a prediction about his future: "Roy, I ain't gonna live to 30. I'm gonna go out in a blaze of glory." PBR says that Roy, Jr. is living life to its fullest, as evidenced in the movie. Tom thought that PBR was referring to Roy, Jr's theater antics, but he actually appears in the film.

There was a scene where Dick Vermeil walks out to the first practice at Widener. He rounds the corner, and he's met by a bunch of local guys giving him and the other coaches some razz: "You better deliver youse coaches. Bring us a win or else." PBR then saw a kid say the line, "Don't blow it, Dick." That was Roy, Jr. PBR said his "little angel" must have skipped school that day and somehow made it out to the set. PBR says that you can see him say something else, but the sound doesn't quite sync up. The line heard in the film is "Let's go, Coach Vermeil." But Roy Jr's mouth movements suggest that he said "[something else], Coach Vermeil." Tom's sure it was something they had to change. PBR said he saw him say another sentence, but there was no sound. He's pretty sure that his lips formed the word "eat".

Roy, Jr., kept his big screen debut under his hat because he did not want to brag about it, which PBR believes is in line with the Zieglers' trademark modesty. Tom sarcastically agrees by saying they are indeed a humble lot. Roy, Jr. was escorted from the set after after Greg Kinnear refused his autograph request. Roy, Jr. responded to the denial by stabbing the actor. PBR tells Tom not to worry, because it was only a pen ... knife. Tom thinks Roy, Jr. is a little creep. PBR said that it's not right to turn down a little kid's autograph request, but Tom thinks there must have been a good reason. PBR thinks that Kinnear is all Hollywood and speculates that he didn't want to sign that issue. Roy, Jr. presented him with an issue of Juggs, which was the only thing he had on hand. It's his favorite book. Tom says it's not a book, but PBR says that it is to Roy, Jr. PBR says it all worked out because Roy, Jr. got revenge beyond the stabbing.

He went out in the parking lot when nobody was looking and spray painted "I Got Herpes" on Kinnear's car. PBR says that he made the "y" in herpes look just like the plump and swirly "y" in the Yes logo. PBR has a laughing fit and commends his son's vandalism: "That's my boy." Tom says he won't even bother explaining that there's no "y" in herpes. PBR says the movie was great until the very, very end. The film closes with actual footage of Vince Papale scoring a touchdown and a postscript that says that he's now married with two kids, living happily in New Jersey. PBR was stunned and started booing. He was rendered speechless and embarassed. Roy, Jr. was equally disturbed, and pushed his father yet again: "Roy, that is unacceptable. You gotta do something." PBR says something, but Tom had to delete it. PBR says he did the thing that Tom deleted. Roy, Jr. told him that if he didn't do that, he would tell Officer Harrups what PBR did to his hoagie last week.

The cops rushed into the theater and chased him into The Gallery on Market Street. He ended up hiding while perched atop a toilet in one of the train station bathroom stalls until 1 a.m. It was as bad as when he had to hide in the bathroom at the Blue Oyster Cult show at the Spectrum in 1982. PBR stole Eric Bloom's guitar, so he got chased around the venue. PBR said the theft was understandable because he was on 'cid and weed and 'shrooms and coke. Tom wants to know if he took anything else, but PBR said that was pretty much the extent of it -- he wasn't over the top back then. As a result of his behavior during Invicible, PBR became the first person to ever be banned from Center City. His picture is up all over the area, and PBR has to stay in Roxboro and Manyunk, which he considers a badge of honor in a sense. PBR becomes frightened after realizing that Officer Harrups has spotted him. PBR thinks that he must have got wind of his wind, so he hangs up to elude him.



- MC Steinberg returns (starts at 1:12) from an extended hiatus and declares that he's doing "awesome". Tom mentions that he kind of fell off the face of the Earth, and MCS admits that he totally did, not just in terms of The Best Show, but physically and mentally as well. He spent most of the time at home in his bathtub, dealing with some demons. MCS was not actually bathing -- he was just laying in a dry bathtub. Tom thinks it sounds a little creepy, and MCS adds to the creepiness by saying that his dog joined him in the tub. The dog was wet. Tom wants to know how the dog got wet, and MCS says that information needs to remain in the bathtub.

He's doing better now because a book saved his life. MCS says that he knows that Tom may think he's getting paid by the author to tout the book since he's famous in the rap world, but he says the praise is completely legit. The book is Brutus Ping's Exploiting Your Sexy. Tom has never heard of the book, and MCS says that it's popular in underground literature scene. In a nutshell, the book teaches you how to unlock your sexy. Steinberg feels he's accomplished this and wants to share the secrets with the rest of the listening audience. MCS doesn't want to judge, but he thinks that Tom attracts some nerds who could use some help getting in touch with their sexy -- unlocking it, exploiting it, using it to their advantage. MCS says that everybody has sexy, it's just depends on how you use it. While MCS is not a guru like Brutus Ping, he gives an example of the power of his teachings.

MCS was recently outside of a bar from which the hoodie-obsessed UK grime superstar Lady Sovereign emerged. Upon seeing the biggest midget in The Game wearing a red hoodie, MCS sings "Lady in Red ...", a snippet from Chris de Burgh's 1986 hit, "Lady In Red". She responds by saying, "Ha, you're funny." Steinberg says this shows how he combined his knowledge of Lady Sov with a quote from a song that's so unhip that it's cool. He learned to use this brand of humor by studying a highly-technical chart in Ping's book. The chart helps you to figure our your most potent skill to unlock your particularly sexy. Humor is MCS's sexy.

Tom wants to know if he hit it off with Ms. Sovereign, and MCS indicates that the answer to that question is clear from the story. Tom is having trouble seeing where the relationship went since anybody can shout something on the street. MCS said that Lady Sov looked at him, smiled, and tossed her hair back. He believes a connection was made and is confident that if their paths cross again, she will be exploiting her sexy. Tom's at a loss as to how to assess the insights into sexiness, but he's glad that MCS has risen from the bathtub. MCS said he has been picking up babes left and right and counts Lady Sov as one of his conquests. Tom says that speaks volumes about the extent of this pick-ups, but MCS ponts out that Ping subscribes to the philosophy of favoring quantity over quality when it comes to making these connections.

Tom hopes that MCS was not considering the Lady Sov encounter as anything resembling quality. MCS says there was some quality time, and he's looking at the big picture. He considers Lady Sov a three-point score, while high school junior Becky Blank was a 10-pointer. MCS says he knows Becky from hanging around the high school he used to attend. Tom wants to know more about the encounter, but MCS is reluctant to reveal more because he wants to show respect for her. Brutus Ping teaches you that once you use your sexy for evil, you pay a price. But if you don't tell anyone and revel in its glory, it's not evil. The exploiter has to be aware of the power they wield, but should avoid bragging.

MCS wrote a song about all the chicks he's been getting and, as usual, he's debuting it for Tom so he can help get it on the hype machine.

MC Steinberg - "Midnight Steinberg Ride"

Tom likes it, saying that MCS is back and in rare form. The track's highlight was the airline announcement breakdown in which a fictional pilot uses the intercom system to announce that first-class boarding will begin on Steinberg Airlines. It's a direct flight with a final destination of ecstasy. Due to some shifts in the atmosphere, passengers are advised to prepare for some turbulence. The track also displayed some of MCS's vocal range with a Rick James-esque chorus and a high-pitched finale that suggested the work of Rob Halford. The song sums up his current standing with the ladies, although he's not going to brag about. Tom's glad he won't be bragging after doing a boastful rap on the topic. MCS says it's not bragging if it's true. He also announces that he's ready for new Battle Rap challengers. MCS departs with his usual sign-off: "Tom rules!"


- James from South Orange calls (starts at 1:30) and has Tom questioning the state of his ZIP code skills. Tom goes with 07052, but it's a rare miss -- South Orange is 07079, while West Orange is 07052. Since he was at least within the Oranges, Tom gives himself half credit. James is the first caller to put someone on the newly-created Slap List. Tom was inspired to create the list after seeing aggro punk rockers Ted Leo & the Pharmacists at a show on Friday night. Mr. Leo keeps a violent tally called a Punch List. Tom's not into punching people, but he does like slapping people, preferring the classic French glove-slap technique. The Slap List asks callers to name the one person they would most want to slap around.

James wants to slap Brian, his former college roommate circa 1999-2000. They had a little game of Prank Patrol going on when they lived together, and it started with fun, low-grade pranks like gluing a penny to the desk. However, it escalated out of control, and Brian significantly upped the ante for what proved to be the final prank. Just before the end of the school year, Brian enlisted a crazy, wannabe pro wrestler guy to get stark naked and nestle himself into James' bed for shock value. James has not spoken to Brian since. Tom thanks him for implanting the horrific image in our minds, and James puts the phone down to deliver the inaugural slap.

- Dave in Philadelphia calls (starts at 1:34) to announce his desire to slap Lenny Kravitz. Tom wonders why he would want to slap a rock star who makes good music. Dave thinks he makes terrible music, citing "Are You Gonna Go My Way?" and "Fly Away". Tom does a stellar rendition of the former. Dave thinks that Kravitz takes the worst elements of every old rock star, throws them together, and rips them off by doing things like hijacking the look of Jim E. Hendrix. People go for it, and it drives Dave insane. Dave wants to slap the Hendrix right off of him and demonstrates his passion by executing a slap that put a dent in his filing cabinet. Tom's scared of him.

- Paycheck in Toronto checks in (starts at 1:36) with a late summer call to join the slap brigade. Yesterday, he was enjoying a nice meal with his ladyfriend (aka Mrs. Paycheck) at an Indian restaurant in Kingston, Ontario. The town shares the same DNA as the nasty shores of Jersey and is filled with with some rough Canadian dudes. One such dude comes bombing into the restaurant and aggressively announces his intention: "I'm gonna use your toilet." The proprietor informs him that the restrooms are for customers only. The guy offers to buy a drink as he's en route to his desired destination. He's told that that is not an option, which doesn't phase him since he remarks "That's cool, too" as he closes the bathroom door. Paycheck can't abide by such blatant disrespect, and he'd love to slap this jerky cat. Paycheck does the best slap of the night -- crisp and forceful with a nice loud snap sound. Paycheck wonders what happens when the guy comes after you post-slap. He's also concerned that his mental/theoretical slap is not very manly, but Tom thinks it's fine because Paycheck is not after random fights like some hooligan. Tom says it sounds like the toilet marauder is the type of guy that served as inspiration for Trailer Trash Show. Paycheck thinks he would fit right into that description.



Still not laughing?: Adopted Canadian Robert Goulet will be on you like a buzzard on meat loaf!

Paycheck is sure that the new inductees to the Canadian Walk of Fame have been splattered all over the front pages of US newspapers, but just in case, he wants to review them. Canada could not afford a hall, so they had to settle for a Walk of Fame on King Street in Toronto. Tom goes out on a limb and guesses that the inductees are honored with something in the shape of a leaf. He's right. Tom likes Toronto and Canada in general, but he's tired of the rampant maple leaves littering the country. Paycheck thinks that Canada is holding onto the leaf because it's distinctive. America is much more diverse when it comes to symbolic imagery -- our entertainment elite are immortalized with stars, not bald eagles or the American flag.

Tom already knows the 2006 inductees, but for the sake of the audience, he pretends that he doesn't. Paycheck gives the rundown from good to bad: Hamilton, Ontario's Eugene Levy, Thunder Bay, Ontario's Paul Schaeffer, Sudbury, Ontario's Alex Trebek, Ladysmith, British Columbia's Pamela Anderson, and Robert Goulet from the great Canadian city of Lawrence, MA. Paycheck thinks Goulet attended college in Canada and is alarmed that a fake Canadian of dubious talents landed a spot on the walk. Tom doesn't want to insult the Canadian educational system, but he wonders why someone would choose the country for a study abroad program. Then again, it starts to make some sense to Tom after realizing that Massachusetts is not known for its colleges. Someone in the chat suggested that Mr. Goulet was dodging the draft to avoid being embroiled in the Korean conflict. (Goulet actually moved to Edmonton at age 13 and developed his booming baritone at the Royal Conservatory of Music in Toronto.) Paycheck failed to mention another 2006 fake Canadian inductee: President Baseball star and Indiana native Brendan Fraser.

Paycheck thinks a petition effort to get 100 signatures could yield Tom a leaf since he's bean to Canada. Tom wants to start the efforts for his induction in 2017, when he will be placed between David Foster and Hart of the Annex, Canada's Curb Your Enthusiam without the curbing. Tom assumes that Rick Emmett and Randy Bachman are on Walk of Fame, but they haven't made the cut.

Come on, Canada, it's aboot time you gave the Kids some leaves.

- Jeff from Middletown calls (starts at 1:44) to slap the collective at Fox who decided to cancel Arrested Development from their primetime entertainment lineup. Tom wants Jeff to think about this in a different way: the people at Fox gave him that show for almost three years. What have the people at CBS ever done for him? What have the people over at ABC given him? According to Jim? Tom points out that Jeff owns episodes of AD on DVD thanks to the people at Fox. (Little-known fact: Sean Hannity and Neal Cavuto co-wrote the bulk of "Motherboy XXX" sans credit.) Jeff is receptive to Tom's viewpoint, but thinks the show had a premature demise. Tom admits that it was a disgrace the way it went down, but the other channels are not stepping up with comparable programming. Tom and the Slap Committee invalidate Jeff's slap, so he's forced to slaps himself in the face.

Tom makes a great point, but I did review ABC's fall lineup, and it kinda rules. I picked out the key shows: Wife Swap, The Bachelor: Rome, Dancing with the Stars, Dancing with the Stars Results Show (my fave), America's Funniest Home Videos, and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Take that, HBO. I'm talkin' bout wife swappin'! That's top-tier television.

Jeff wants to alter his slap target to only those Fox employees that had an active role in canceling the show. Tom thinks he needs to channel his rage and recommends slapping the people over at CBS for airing the likes of Two and a Half Men. Jeff's never seen it, but since it's not El Goodo-approved, he safely assumes it's not goodo. Tom tells Jeff that his DNA was programmed with the instinct to stay away from the sitcom. Jeff says that his DNA tells him to avoid CBS entirely. I'm looking forward to the new, "racist" season of Survivor with four tribes segregated into white/black/hispanic/asian groups and Timmy von Trimble taking over the hosting duties from Jeff Probst. First Immunity Challenge: the first tribe to make a new racing scarf for TvT is safe from Tribal Council and gets to attend a private White Reign show at the Rarotonga-A-Go-Go, the premiere rock 'n roll music club on the Cook Islands.

( Click here to buy Arrested Development Season 3)

- Tim from Elmsburg, WA calls (starts at 1:46) to discuss the casting for The Best Show movie. Tom wonders if it's Tim C. It's not. Tom asks if it's Tim B, by any chance. No. Moonbeam? No. Silver Tears? Luna? No. Marigold? No. Emerald? No. Andromeda? No. Tim F, Tim R, Tim Y, Tim A, Tim S, Tim W, Tim B, Tim E, Tim F, Tim G, Tim I, Tim H, Tim K, Tim J, Tim L, Tim M, Tim N, Tim O, Tim P, Tim R, Tim T, or Tim U? No. All wrong. Tom asks if it's Tim V, and it is indeed his old buddy.

Tom wants to be flattered by the actor that plays him and won't tolerate any insulting shenanigans that have him being played by the guy from Lost. Tom would ideally want to be played by Lyle Waggoner, and Tim V approves that casting. He adds the following:

Eli Roth .......... Trent L. Strauss

Nick Nolte .......... The Gorch

Mickey Rourke .......... Scag Winesack

Larry the Cable Guy .......... Philly Boy Roy

Jason Mewes .......... Bryce

Andy Milonakis .......... Petey

I'd be concerned about potential scheduling conflicts considering Milonakis's current workload of playing the new Ferris Bueller, the Burt Reynolds role in the Cannonball Run remake, and one of the two Michael Myers in Rob Zombie's new Halloween entry. Later in the show, Tom was intrigued by a chat-based casting idea: Maria Bamford as Petey. Overall, Tom doesn't like Tim V's cast -- he LOVES it.

- Dan McNamara calls (starts at 1:50) to report that he's representing Jersey City as a finalist in the New York Televison Festival. Tom wants to know more about the NYTF, thinking it might be some sort of television watching competition. Dan says that it's a festival where you enter a television pilot in various genres for a $10,000 prize and the chance to pitch it to Animal Planet. Dan's show is a comedy called The Calderons, and he gives Tom the pitch: a mockumentary about an unemployed couple that takes care of two handicapped robots (one animatronic; the other a CGI toaster robot) in exchange for welfare from the government. Dan describes it as Short Circuit meets HBO's America Undercover documentary series. Tom likes the high-concept nature of the project. Dan mentions that former WFMU intern Nadia is the co-writer of the pilot.

Dan has a problem because he lacks a date for the opening night of the festival. He either wants advice from Tom or wants Tom to go with him. Tom asks Dan if he's asking him out on a date. He is. Tom wants to know what he looks like, and Dan says that he has blue eyes, brown hair, and pretty big shoulders. Tom's intrigued and wants to know the event details. It will be held at the Director's Guild Theater, which is behind Juliard by the opera house, which is around Lincoln Square/Center, which is on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. It will take place on Saturday, September 16th. Tom can't guarantee that he'll go on the date, but he wants Dan to send him an e-mail. Dan also wants Tom to put out the good word to any JC ladies who might want to attend. Tom tells him that if he calls next week, he'll assist him with getting a date over the air.

Dan also mentions that he heard about The Long Walk to New York documentary on last week's show. He thinks it sounded really interesting and wants to be involved.

- Christopher in RI calls (starts at 1:54) to offer a slap based on a recent trip to the supermarket. While exiting the store, he noticed that the vending machines that are traditionally filled with gumballs or the Homies line of plastic figurines offered temporary tattoos. He was troubled to see that the machines specifically had the lower-back tattoos that are all the rage. Christopher thought he may be out of touch, but Tom agrees that it's creepy. They will join forces to slap the people who greenlit the idea of temp lower-back tattoos for kids. They will also picket the store and shut it down until they grant them ownership. Christopher goes a bit too far by suggesting that the store should be burned down. Like any committed FOT, Christopher slapped himself on the left side of the face as a stand-in for the offending party.

I think we all know who greenlit this one. Wait. Shhhh. I think I can hear his flip-flops.

- Joe from Ridgefield calls (starts at 1:56) to tell Tom that he liked his opening music set, especially The Beach Boys. Tom wants to know his favorite Beach Boys song, so he can play it. Joe picks "Runaround Sue", which is not a Beach Boys song -- it's by Spike faves Dino & The Belmonts. Tom is beginning to doubt that Joe is a big Beach Boys fan, and after putting on his thinking cap, Joe still can't come up with an actual Beach Boys request. Tom dedicates "Runaround Sue" to him, but Neil Diamond's "Porcupine Pie" starts playing. Someone switched the CDs. Tom thinks it was Mike and Tom is not happy with him.

- Listener T calls (stars at 1:59) with two slap targets. First up is the media for the JonBenet Ramsey mishegoss over the past week. From the day they put John Mark Karr on the plane at the public's expense to bring him back to the US, he's been telling co-workers that guy was just a lying loon trying to avoid incarceration for sex crimes in Thailand. T did not appreciate the media making a giant deal out of a nutball that couldn't possibly have committed the crime. T unleashes a whip-like slap using a prop: a slap stick from the old NBC radio studios sound effects library. This slap was an ode to Fibber McGee and Molly. T also picked up a train whistle, a slide whistle and other leftovers from shows like The Shadow and The Jack Benny Program.

T also wants to slap Fox for burying Idiocracy, the new Mike Judge film, which snuck into a handful theaters over Labor Day weekend with no promotional efforts -- no trailers, posters, television spots, or even press kits for media outlets were provided. T talked to a friend who is in the film, and even he would not have known about its release if not for a dinner with Mike Judge two days prior. T argues that if the studio put up posters notifying the public that the film was from the creator of Office Space and Beavis and Butt-Head, they could have scored a nice opening weekend regardless of the film's quality. While Office Space is one of Fox's biggest-selling DVDs of all-time, T speculates that they're at a loss with what to do with a more biting satire.

Tom likes Office Space because it reminds him of where he works. While he knows it's a cliché, Tom thinks that someone should make a about his workplace. Tom works somewhere where they make movies about movies about people's workplaces. Not really. Tom actually works at Consolidated Cardboard, but wishes that he was employed by a meta film production house. Tom's company does make the cardboard that is used for shipping movie posters. They used to make the tubing, but now they just make the cardboard for skids of one-sheets. Unfortunately, CC does not make the cardboard used to mount posters at bus stations. Tom wishes they did because that cardboard is pretty cool. It's mostly imported from Malaysia.

The discussion turns to Cancon, and T mentions that he heard that Bryan Adams (ha ha) got so popular in the United States that the country no longer considered him a Canadian artist in terms of Cancon status. Tom thinks Canada needs to shape up and he's losing his love of the country if that's true. From the Cancon wiki:

This last criterion was added in 1991, to accommodate Bryan Adams' album Waking Up the Neighbours. Adams had collaborated with British record producer Robert "Mutt" Lange, and as a result, the album did not qualify as Canadian content under the existing rules. After extensive controversy in the summer of that year, the CRTC changed the rules to allow for such collaborations. Other Canadian artists with long-time international careers, like Anne Murray, Celine Dion, and Shania Twain, have used recording studios in Canada specifically to maintain Cancon status.

T wonders if William Shatner is on the Walk of Fame, and Tom is pretty sure that he's on there if Goulet made the cut. Tom and T speculate that Shatner has some kind of holographic leaf or, perhaps, a giant pile of leaves. T gives Tom one more slap from the slap stick for the road.

- A caller puffs tuff (starts at 2:06) on some paint fumes as he works in his basement. It's the first time he's listened to the show despite residing in Jersey City for a year and a half. He discovered the program via his Ted Leo fandom. He attended the South Street Seaport show and got to talk to Ted and his drummer. He used to be neighbors with Ted's brother, Chris, another skinny cool guy. Tom doesn't want to drag his family into it. He's never seen Tom before, but he thinks that Paul Giamatti could play him in The Best Show movie. Tom is not thrilled with the troll-like casting: "Oh, wow, there's a complement." He also casts Sam Rockwell as Ted Leo. Tom asks him if he could think of anybody uglier to play him in the film, such as Peter Lorre on his deathbed. The caller counters Tom's earlier request for Lyle Waggoner with Porter Waggoner.

Since the caller is new to the show, he doesn't know what GOMPing is. He does now. Ted Leo informs Tom that he would slap this guy right across the chops with his guitar-calloused fingers. While there is no doubt that the talented Giamatti could Bring It as Tom, I think I have someone that may be more pleasing to The Kid. After all, Tom is no bridge troll. No troll could ever lasso someone like Jillian Barberie.

The role of Tom Scharpling in The Best Show movie will be played by:

ruffalo.jpg

- Leila in Toronto calls (starts at 2:09) to slap Neil Diamond for writing "Porcupine Pie". She thinks the song should come with a disclaimer because it has woven its way into her nightmares. She's hooked, and believes the song is more addictive than crack cocaine. Speaking of nightmares, Tom imagines the state of the country if the U.S. government had dumped Hot August Nights CDs into the ghettos instead of the Bolivian marching rocks. Leila suggests that a Porcupines on a Plane film should be made, and I think it would likely do better box office than the snakes thing. Tom says that her call fulfills the Cancon quota for the evening and wants to know if her favorite Canadian program is Prank Patrol. She doesn't have cable, so her television intake is minimal. She has seen a couple of episodes of The Trailer Dudes, but she's not really into their foulmouth antics. Tom thinks the reason those guys are having such a hard time in life is that they need to put on a nice shirt, maybe comb their hair, shave off the moostaches and goatees, and just stop with the toilet talk. Keep it clean, kids.

Tom asks her if she's familiar with the young adventurer, Daniel Cook. She wants to know what channel he's on, but Tom doesn't know because trying to navigate the Canadian lineup was like being in an alternate universe. In this bizarro world Curb Your Enthusiasm appeared on a channel called Showcase. Leila has been watching CYE via DVD, and Tom says she has to read his Curb spec. Trivia: Tom is the only person on Earth to ever write a Curb spec. She gives Neil a "slap", but Tom catches her in a soft-serve hand clap. She then delivers a quieter -- yet painful -- slap to her face.

- Tom is excited (starts at 2:26) that Pet Sounds is finally available for purchase in stores in the form of a 40th Anniversary CD/DVD set in a limited edition fuzzy digipak. Tom's reaction: "Wow." Prior to this week, there was no way to get your hands on a copy of the album. (I got my bootleg copy a few years ago from Werner in exchange for "taking care" of some guy who saw him do something and was going to tell a jury what he saw.) Tom's relieved because he'd been wondering when there would be a fifth version of Pet Sounds that he could get his hands on, and now it's his for the taking. The bonus DVD contains the "The Making of Pet Sounds", a behind-the-scenes documentary featuring interviews with Brian Wilson, Mike Love, Al Jardine, Dennis Wilson, Carl Wilson, Bruce Johnston and Tony Asher. Tom can't wait to hear what new insights Al Jardine has about the making of Pet Sounds. He's hoping that he will expound a little bit more on what it was like to have zero creative control over something and then sing his parts like a chimpanzee at Brian Wilson's command. Jardeen might also discuss how his cans felt that day and mention the nice cold sodey he consumed before entering the recording studio.

The DVD also has "Pet Stories", where Brian Wilson, Tony Asher, Hal Blaine, Carol Kaye, Don Randi, Frankie Capp and Tommy Morgan reflect on the Pet Sounds sessions and the album's legacy. The thought of this makes Tom hate Pet Sounds, even though he used to love it. Tom's heard it 9,000 times and now it's one of his least favorite albums. Tom decides to feed the album to Dogmo and let him rip it up. Tom already owns nine discs worth of Pet Sounds stuff from prior releases, and he's had enough. Tom thinks that the people who now love the "lost masterpiece" should be punished for finally appreciating it and releasing it in nine versions. He has a message for its mastermind: "For shame, Brian Wilson." Tom's favorite Beach Boy is Mike Love, and he declares Love's 1981 solo album, Looking Back With Love, to be superior to Pet Sounds even though Radio Shack put it out on their Tandy label.

- Greg from Hayday chimes in (starts at 2:32) on the Pet Sounds debate. He loves the album, but like Tom, he doesn't need another version, even if it comes with a real pet. Tom likes that idea and thinks they should have sold the new version exclusively to pet stores. The customer would not know what kind of pet they would get, which would add some drama to tearing open the packaging. Greg says you might get a nice cat or a king cobra. Tom says that some sets would even include a coupon redeemable for a horse. Greg loses Tom by suggesting that one might receive a pet that has ceased to be because the factory omitted the air holes in the shipping materials (surely Consolidated would never make such a deadly error). Tom has no interest in that ghastly surprise. Tom still seeks a real version of Smile, and Greg said that his friends are always swearing they have an authentic edition that they've sequenced themselves in order to fix Brian Wilson's subpar work. This is nerd talk that Tom compares to chatter about Ferengis and Star Trek. Tom has serious doubts that some dude with a lifetime subscription to Goldmine is going to be able to patch together the true Smile

The real reason Greg called is to throw one of his band's songs into the Smash or Trash fire. Greg is the singer and guitarist for Brooklyn's Hayday, a scrappy garage band influenced by The Beatles, The Ramones, and The Replacements. The song "Hope You Had Fun" was inspired by Greg's unrequited love for a girl. Not only did she not share his feelings, but she added an extra twist by dating his Lex Luthor. The first to 10 votes wins. Your influence counts ... use it! Here are the votes:

* Jack from Montclair starts it off: Trash. He's not trying to be mean, but advises Greg to retain his day job. He feels that the song is way too long.

* Smash. It could be trimmed just a smidgeon, but was really catchy and liked the guitar and transitions.

* Smash. He likes long guitar solos

* Smash. The song has a nice sense of urgency, liked that Greg's going for it on the vocals. Had a slight Springsteen, countryish vibe. The caller abruptly ends the call because his boss was yelling at him to get back back to Pump No. 3.

* Trash. Smash until the chorus, but then it suffered a sonic meltdown. Outro was too long and indulgent at the end. 200 vocals in the chorus = a bit too much. Greg thinks he knows this guy.

* Smash. Thinks the song is "the bomb". The song was better than the one he heard last week, whatever that was. Surely he was not referring to the first verse of Petey's court-mandated Dylan tribute.

* Smash. "It just totally rocked, that's all."

* Trash. He didn't like the vocals.

* Smash. "It sounds good."

* Trash. Love songs make him want to jam pencils in his ears so he can never hear again. Tom asks him what kind of stuff he likes, and he says love songs. He then says he was just messing around and doesn't actually like them. Tom says he's weird, but everyone's vote counts. This is the problem with the American electoral system.

* Smash. His voice gets her hot. Tom is certain that she knows Greg, but she denies it. Usually, Tom converts a Smash vote from people who know the artist into seven Trash votes, but he lets it slide this time.

* Trash. The "I hope" part -- she doesn't like repetitive choruses. There is some debate about what a chorus is, but Tom is not a music teacher so he can't really weigh in.

* Smash. Sam from Austin thought the song was catchy. His brother sent Tom a Danny Manning jersey, and he was wondering if Tom liked it. Tom likes it, but he doesn't wear it all the time. He wants to know if Tom has at least worn it once. There's some static on the line, and Tom asks Sam to define "wear". Sam says it means putting your arms through the sleeves of the garment. Tom will "wear" it proudly this week!

* Smash. He liked it all -- the energy, the extended part, everything.

* Smash. It was catchy and reminds him of the Velvet Underground a little bit. I think this was music scholar Charles R. Martin.

10 votes. It's a SMASH. "Hope You Had Fun" also received a rare insurance vote:

* Smash. Started out Ramones and went into "Yellow Submarine"-ish chorus. Honored the influences well.

Greg gives the the band's Myspace URL again, and Tom laughs at him for having less than 100 friends. He laughs again when Greg ups the count to 704 friends, but backs off when Greg reveals that he has 7,000 friends. Greg says he got a computer for the first time today, and Tom welcomes him to 1995.

- Pat closes the show (starts at 2:55) by mentioning that he met saw Tom at the South Street Seaport show. He was pleased that Ted played brought it for a good two hours. Pat's a big fan of anything from Shake The Sheets, and his fave Ted song was "Where Have All The Rude Boys Gone?" Tom doesn't like that song. He LOVES it. Pat got an email informing him that somebody was looking for information about The Long Walk To New York. He's involved with it a little bit and may serve as its co-director. His friend Jim started the project and called last week to pitch it to the listeners. The film is currently slated for an early September start date, and the filmmakers secured a fateful casting coup in the form of a vagabond named "Sweet Tooth". He already had the words "Long" and "Walk" tattooed on his knuckles, so he was perfect for the project. Tom goes out on a limb and says that Sweet Tooth sounds like a guy who has enough free time to do a 34-mile walk at the drop of a hat. Pat says he's a traveler of sorts; Tom hopes his parole officer joins the walk.

Pat hopes to assemble a big crew that will cause "mass hysteria" as they walk to New York. You can e-mail Jim at jimvbasil at aol dot com for more information.

On the next ... The Best Show on WFMU: Tom signs a three-year deal to slap for the NESL's Newbridge Redfaces, Zachary Brimstead checks in to discuss his latest sort-of media appearance, and TLS talks about his ideas for The Best Show movie (teaser: lots of Viking spirits and chainsaws).


Sam Ha-gar coulda been somethin':


Finally, here's a clip from the hott new band, The 11-Day Dreamers:

Comments

Good Lord, this is a Herculean effort. And well worth it.

1 Susanna
2 Vicki
3 Michael
4 Annette (original bassplayer)

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