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Look! Up on the wall! It's an E!

A number of years ago I picked my eye doctor on the basis of his name: Dr. Wener. Pronounced exactly like you want it to be. Older dude. Maybe late 50s? Nice herb-y white guy. Or so I thought.

Went to see him for the first time in six months yesterday and found him sporting a new look: shiny, reflective bald. Dude became a dead ringer for Lex Luthor. With my head in the eye-examination vise, I complimented him on his new look. He explained (without prodding!) that he'd worn a toupee for years, but that the office got up a vote for this new thing. Nice. Omar can fill you in on the rest of the office (apparently I'm not the only one picking opthamalagists based on last name affinity with Oscar Mayer), but you should know that Wener was probably the only one who could actually count the follicular fashion votes with any degree of accuracy.

Anyway, my cell phone starts ringing in the middle of the exam. I hate my cell phone, usually have it on vibrate, and still haven't figured out how shut it up when it goes off audibly. I fumble around, turn it off, and Wener goes (in complete, but exclamation-point-free, sincerity): "Wow. That's your phone? That ringtone is great. Sounds like TV in the '70s."

TV in the '70s! Herb-y, bald, Spacey-as-Luthor Dr. We[i]ner was digging on my Kill Bill heisted sound effects ring tone. Dude got 100x cooler in one visit.

The Rza - "Flip Sting"

( My soundtrack has a first disc: it's Kill Bill: Volume 1 )


Fantastic. I just made an off-cycle appointment for fun. The first guy I had there was Dr. Tedder, who was fine (and had a full head of natural hair), but he possessed no superhero villain qualities, which are crucial when choosing a medical doctor in my experience. My childhood pediatrician looked like The Riddler and was very effective at treating strep throat. I was informed that Tedder was gone and that I would be getting Dr. We[i]ner. He had the hell toupee for one annual exam and then I was Luthorized a few months ago.

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