I always leeched on with "a desk lamp on my inner thigh."
Back in high school, whenever the topic of tattoo choices came up, Dr. Red Duke had a pretty good stock joke. Most dorks talked about getting Asian symbols and flowers and smiley faces and whatnot. The Dr. always said that if he was to get a tattoo it would be on his ankle and it would be a lovely sofa. Who's laughing now, Dr.? WHO IS LAUGHING AT YOUR HIGH SCHOOL SOFA JOKE NOW?