I always be thinkin that it would be nasty.
You know, people tell me I kind of look like "Hans Solo".
Deeaam boyee, I'd be all up in her Sarlac like Boba Fett!
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January 31, 2006
No meat, no eggs, no friends.
If this scene had been around during my nytimes days, I would have stayed for sure.
Physician, heal thyself.
"When there's a will, there's a way." --Stevie Blue
"I don't got no bad grammar." --Marky Ramone
"Cuz it really wasn't Tommy that solved all your problems. It was YOU!" --Petey
[TBSOWFMU - 1/24/06] (As Ted Leo said, "the streams are fine", but after much cajolery and harrassment TBSOWFMU is now also available in the increasingly-popular "podcast" format. New pods will drop every Thursday. Tom will podcast your face upon request.)
Tom opened the show with Mr. Robert Pollard's "Love Is Stronger Than Witchcraft" from the HOT new record From A Compound Eye. We must engage with another track:
Robert Pollard - "Conqueror of the Moon" ( Click here to buy it from Merge Greatland.)
(In addition to playing drums in Pollard's touring band, Jon Wurster is the subject of Pooch Boy, Werner Herzog's next documentary film project.)
Annotated highlights:
- Pissed off rock star Stevie Blue edges out mental patient Spike for firsties (starts 23:48) with a strategic idea to boost Best Show ratings and get the universe to unfold: he will deliver Tom's radio colleague and fellow rock star David Lee Roth as a guest in order to create a Rock Star Radio Party complete with hundreds of DLR's video vixens. (Choice Tom quip: "I heard his show is great.") Spike calls and seems intrigued by Stevie's upcoming benefit gig at Spike's current residence -- the Baltic Street Treatment and Resource Center in Brooklyn. This facility also currently houses a post-scandal James Frey, whose band (The Imaginary 3) will open for Stevie Blue with a set of Archers of Loaf covers.
Archers of Loaf - "Audiowhore" ( Click here to buy it from Alias Records.)
Rough plot outline for a potential bonus short (directed by Harmony Korine) for the My Dinner With Petey DVD: Spike fakes a medical emergency in order to lure NYC's finest EMT (flagrantly violating SOP with leopard-print, ass-free spandex, a headdress, and a Flavor Flav-style, diamond-studded stethoscope) into a dithiplinary session that involves (among other things) a barrel of pancake batter, a glazed donut, and a bottle of whatever Spike has on hand. It culminates with a duet of this song.
- Hard workin', fancily-websited Mr. Jim Gaffigan, fresh from being mistaken for the star of Capote at Sundance, calls (starts at 29:44) to chat about his Comedy Central special, Beyond the Pale. If you missed its 1/29 premiere, it will re-air on 2/4 (7 and 10 p.m.) You should watch it because it is gooooooooooood. Here's the AST discussion thread. (Note PO's page 3 charge that Jim ripped off his amplication technique of talking into the bulbous end of the microphone. Jim denies the heist a few posts down.)
The interview starts with Jim discussing the perils of playing dumb guy characters (including a dumb clown pedophile on Law & Order: SVU) and the MST3K-ish power of the inside voice to disarm the audience and catch them in the comedic crossfire.
The segment takes off when a bitter caller with a mild attitude about Jim's Sierra Mist-akes suggests some kind of commercial whoredom. Jim welcomed the query and gave a thoughtful response on finding a balance between Hicksian extremism and financial prudence while still retaining some artistic dignity and creative control. In short: Spending a day improvising with the very famous Michael Ian Black or doing lucrative corporate one-offs (where he's not forced to make fun of Harvey from HR) is preferable to begging for a job on some hideously lame sitcom during Pilot Season. When it comes to sellin' sugar water, much better Jim than him. Jim will soon be seen shilling for a company (he didn't specify but I assume it's GloboChem) that unloads nuclear waste on Third World countries. Good for him. He still gets to stay on the list.
Bill Hicks - "Artistic Roll Call"
We also learn Jim prefers Thai food for smart people, he's anti-Ringo (but pro-reading), his favorite childhood lunchbox was S.W.A.T. (my fave was Superman w/ thermos: Daily Planet editorial meeting side / Up, up, and away! side), he's thumbs up on the elderly despite some olfactory and clumsiness issues, and his least favorite pie is boysenberry.
(As soon as Tom asked the pie question, boysenberry immediately popped into my head and was echoed by Gaffigan seconds later. Weird. I've never even had a boysenberry pie yet my brain has it defaulted as undesirable. What is the deal with boysenberries? Nobody likes these things. Is it the semi-weird name, not that far removed from fictitious, vaguely scary fruits like Willy Wonka's wallpapered snozzberry? Time to fire the publicist (the dude who had the brussel sprouts account in the 1980s) and get the ad wizards to whip up a new marketing campaign -- something that inquires as to whether one has acquired said fruit in the form of ersatz facial hair. Make people feel that their life is missing some much-needed boysenberry via mustachioed stars (but not these). Or maybe something that establishes them as a similarly-colored, viable alternative to a competitor like the much-beloved blueberry. Perhaps boysenberries could be established as an "indie fruit" and gain a cult following amongst dessert hipsters, thumbing their noses at mainstream America's penchant for standard pie fillings. Banner ads on Pitchfork! Down with the tyrannical reign of the apple-cherry-blueberry cabal. Boysenberries win in 2006.)
A few final Gaffigan tidbits: He has nearly 9,000 Myspace friends, he's a nipple-based action star, and he once dated a panda.
[Whoa. Mack called. He wasn't listening to the show so he interrupted the end of the Gaffigan interview to talk about the “sick article on FMU” -- was he referring to this?]
- The FOT theme song WAR is ON FIRE (starts 77:28): The mischievious Lewis tricks Tom by putting an acoustic dirge on the front end of the stolen My Brother and Me theme song he entered last week, Chris L (filth move, son) Chris L's "People's Theme" entry freezes Tom's PC (the best of the clip-based entries -- crisp, thorough, and driven by piano), DJ ERT's journey into The Matrix (loved the Spike "Heeeeelllllooooo, Tom" amidst the beats -- can't imagine anything more frighenting then slipping down the rabbit hole to be greeted by Spike asking if I wanted the red or blue ball gag), an uninterrupted replay of Chocky's "Tune for Tommy", and DJ Mouthbreather's "I'll Replace You With Machines"-feuled rocker, the sonic equivalent of a dogfight.
During this segment Tom spins a song from Petey (NOT an official theme song entry) and while the nasally vocals certainly recall the name-checked Bobby D (with additional elements of freak-folky, high-pitched chirpings), some of the wails recall Cobain, particularly the cracked-voice finale of "Where Did You Sleep Last Night" from MTV Unplugged. On one level, it's a Tom tribute (TS as simple, reluctant radio sage, "your little spiritual guide"), but it's also a journey of self-discovery through a mythical Petey City in which the power to heal thyself is ultimately unleashed. As Tom said: "Heavy duty stuff". One ... two... One ... two... Dig the subterranean Best Show blues:
Petey - "Bus Ride Ballad (Road to Scharpling)" (Lyrics and discussion here / More tracks at Petey's sound emporium / nice Fluxblog Petey backgrounder -- couldn't locate the specific tracks cited there.)
- Edgy, snarky comedian Akiva Smirnoff takes a break from watching American Idol to check in with Tom (starts at 1:46) to discuss his forthcoming, gross one-man show Red Son, which requires him to claim that his uncle is his father. He also reveals that he is dating a women twice his age who "did some stuff" with his uncle during the 1980s comedy boom. She calls him Yakov; Tom wishes WFMU had an onsite shower. A low point for human beings is achieved. [Tom's impression of a young Akiva's set suggests a Russian emigre Timmy von Trimble (who presumably takes a bath in a shot glass of vodka).]
- Mike the Courageous Call Screener and Tom have a behind-the-scenes talk (starts at 2:01) about the process of how the mysterious Spike gets on the WFMU airwaves. Turns out that the Mike-Spike interaction is a "professional" exchange of pleasantries, illuminating little about Spike's troubling persona. Spike apparently has been known to call WBAI under a different name to ask talk show hosts if they know the whereabouts of "Sexy Sadie". Tom considers hiring Spike for a Chuck Berry and "Old Brown Shoe" soundtracked session to obtain a photograph of Spike in full-on, size-44 (bald?) Malcolm-Jamal Warner domination. Mike says he'd be willing to meet Spike alone (in a coffee shop, not a dungeon), but shares some of Tom's fears that he might be sedated (Hey! Ho! Dithipline!) and wake up looking like this.
- The Legendary Marky Ramones, of the World Famous Ramones, calls (starts at 2:24) to kill some time while he waits for the locksmith so he can get into his apartment. He's stunned into silence when Tom reveals that the buzzed-about Brokebank Mountain, which Marky erroneously assumes is a heist film or a classic cowboy movie in the spirit of The Searchers, deviates from genre traditions in the form of homosexual prairie hands. Marky declares the plot "sorta disturbin'" and not relatable to his own life. He then recounts some tales of seeing some guys "going at it" backstage on a few tours, which made Johnny mad. Marky reveals that Johnny's temper also flared up when Marky creased the edges on one of his baseball cards. When Tom issues the Mota corrective, Marky suggests that Tom must be the type of baseball fan who would wear a plastic batting helmet.
Throughout the call, Tom takes Marky to task for his eccentric elements of style: rampant double negatives, non-words ("anspersions"), and confusing pronounciations resulting from his regional accent (e.g., "pot" vs. "part"). Marky's so impressed by Tom's musical knowledge that he speculates on whether Tom may in fact be one of the guys from Allmusic.com. This might put one of the guys from AMG on Marky's S Hitlist:
(The text of this review is wildly incongruent to the star rating so Marky should probably ring up one of the Erlewines to straighten things out.)
Pat called to question whether he had just heard the real Marky Ramone since when he ran into him at Dingbatz in Clifton, N.J., he sounded more like this.
Topic of discussion for Marky's next call: Imagine 14 punk rock classics ripping through your speakers at warped speed, complete with 1-2-3-4 count offs, chants and shout outs in pure punk, fist raising abandon, all performed on the steelpans (or steel drums) strait from the islands! Yes, it's Pan For Punks! Will The Intrudahs get the steelpan treatment? Will there be a steelpan score for RnRHS2k5?
Also: what's Marky's take on the announcement that one of his fave venues will no longer book live music?
- Throughout the show, Tom conducts an impromptu episode of The 700 Club and rather than calling for the assasination of world leaders, he put his highly-coveted 700th
- Whistlin' Jimmy called (starts at 2:41) to present his riddle, which has been gnawing at FOTers since last May. Here it is:
There's three mice in (the same) mousehole, all three of them decide to crawl out at the same time, but what happens? There's still two left. Uh oh. How does that happen?
Level 0 Hints: 1. All the mice are standing next to each other and leave while holding hands 2. Location is switched to a dollhouse, suggesting the "mousehole" is unimportant and these creatures could be departing from any structure. 3. Something that involves drawing circles on a piece of paper and wishing Jimmy a happy birthday.
Tom believes he had the answer ("moment" vs. "time"), but Jimmy ain't buying it. I think the answer involves one mouse clinging to the lid of some wormhole in the time-space continuum. I've got my friend Steve working on it.
MC Steinberg UPDATE: A Quick One While We Were Away
A few Lazy Sundays ago, MCS was involved in an altercation with Newbridge Toyota's Gene "Doctor Deals" Simmons and his goons at the airport. A restraining order was placed on MCS, but he was undeterred and decided to settle the issue the only way he knew how: by breaking into Simmons' California home (West Coast getaway -- dude must be moving a lot of Camrys) and demanding a battle rap. MCS only needed two rounds to whoop that crying, grapefruitless trick. Ha ha. FWDefeated. Payback for Gene's 2002 dis track of MC Terry G. Was this an officially sanctioned bout? Does this push MCS's 2006 record to 2-1? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
On the next ... The Best Show on WFMU: Mike the Call Screener meets Spike at Starbucks for some soy lattes and lives to tell the tale, Marky Ramone finally spills his big news (make sure you take your vitamins and are well-rested so you can handle it without requiring sedation), and the good guys remain undefeated in 2006 because The Lord likes it that way.
Robert Pollard - "I'm Strong Like A Lion"
January 30, 2006
Prince. Prince?
Michael Jackson insists that James Brown introduce....
Oh this got run over before. Stick this on your head.
GREETINGS, PROFESSOR FALKEN.
Four choices:
1. Launch a Global Thermonuclear War.
2. Urinate on a spark plug.
3. Play a nice game of chess.
4. Listen to two tracks from the forthcoming record by The Raconteurs.
FAKE.
I'm totally obsessed with this photography, and I want posters of it plastering all my walls.
HI, HOW ARE YOU?
Hi, check out the trailer for The Devil and Daniel Johnston.
Austin-based musician/Anarchist's daughter/charity calendar pin-up girl Kathy McCarty's 1994 collection of DJ covers -- Dead Dog's Eyeball: Songs of Daniel Johnston -- is fantastic. Here's three tracks from it:
Kathy McCarty - "Walking the Cow"
Kathy McCarty - "Living Life"
Kathy McCarty - "Sorry Entertainer"
(Click here to buy it from Bar/None)
January 29, 2006
Recid-O-Cast. #005:
No, I am not ticklish. These and other feverish ramblings about me are addressed in this, the 5th installment of the Recid-O-Cast. Plus, special guest Ray Nagin. All enveloped in a warm and wraspy voice that just begs to be recorded.
a DOP remix #002
What I did on my Christmas vacation: watched Aqua Teen Hunger Force on my ipod, and made this remix.
Beastie Boys - "Triple Trouble (DOP's Hustler Remix)"
previous Beastie remix can be found in the comments here
January 28, 2006
tuesday is pizza day
Ween's latest album, Shinola (Volume 1)
Ween - "I Fell In Love Today"
Ween - "Someday"
January 27, 2006
Nobody told me I was taking on Bigfoot.
Legitimacy questions aside, Nikolay Valuev makes for awesomely imposing visuals.
Arrrrrrgh.
Since I was in the city that starts with a C, ends in an o, and in the middle is hicag last weekend, I didn't get around to watching SNL until last night.
Can anyone recall an episode with as many technical gaffes as this one? Didn't help that Peter Sarsgaaaard decided not to memorize his lines or learn how to read off a cue card. But beyond that, the episode was chock full of the tops of production folks' heads and the bottoms of boom mics. In that late episode hotel room sketch, Sarsgaard was able to effectively cancel out the joke when a scripted set-top TV slap killed the supposedly unkillable Dratch loop. Funny-wise: the first reveal on the Peter Sarsgaard SARS Guard got a nice laugh out of me though, so I'll always have that.
And it looks like they're gonna go ahead and begin the march toward oversaturation with the Target Greatland Wiig thing. Oh well. Fun trick for you before it's totally beat into the ground: give the word "podcast" a whirl in the Wiig-voice. Emphasize the "pod" part and do that celebratory rockaway thing. It's fun. Almost as fun as knowing that the RSS feed for our own podcast is now free of cruft and disease. Recid-O-Casts ONLY in there now. Jam it up in your iTunes hole if you haven't already!
Someday we'll find it.
The folkpop connection:
Page France - "Air Pollution"
From The Muppet Movie to Emmet Otter, the recent Muppet DVD content explosion has got the music of Paul Williams all up in my brain. And "Air Pollution" has Paul Williams written all over it. Yeah sure, the multi-voiced chorus bits make for easy comparison, but it's more than that. The lyrical earthiness, the group huggery: it's all vintage Williams. And it is good.
[cred disclaimer: In terms of up-to-the-minute mp3 bloggery, this song (from early 2005's Come, I'm a Lion) is ancient. Two Page France albums ago old. I'm sure You Ain't No Picasso's already leaking demos from a limited edition 2007 EP release.]
January 26, 2006
the office lush
Dear Kate,
I hope this letter finds you in good health. Stop taking your shirt off.
Love, Dad
Warning: use your spoiler button on the first 2 paragraphs
I wasn't even sure if I was bold enough to post this.
My posting fears were easily managed. You know, penetration and that.
WinDOZE (ha ha, get it? you will if you are not Mixed Nutesque and you expect to care about these links).
Who let those little mutts GOOOOO, yeaaaah?
dj BC - "Yoshimi Battles Snoop Dogg"
An otherwise amusing smashemup is greatly enhanced by Ferrell-as-Goulet and Wesley Willis-as-himself (at least that's who it sounds like) cameos.
In other Flaming Lips news, that new single on iTunes is easily worth your one dollar (TAKE A PENNY, LEAVE A PENNY).
January 25, 2006
Da Mystery of Sealbaiting.
Perhaps you would like to view pictures of Ghostface tapping that aquarium glass, posing with a seal, and pretenting to be Sherlock Holmes.
January 24, 2006
Recid-O-Cast. #004:
I don't care if it was 20 seconds long, that last one counts -- making this the fourth official installment in the series.
So smoke up all your weed and your licorice. Yo Red Duke, come here. Are you ticklish?
a DOP remix #001: first in a series
Would your child enjoy a toy truck?
MERCH available.
(Eat it, Flickerstick.)
Lady Godiva was a Freedom Fighter.
"Somehow I doubt you're really all that big in Japan." -Ted Leo
"I just got served a slice of humble pie." -MC Steinberg
"I kind of want to pour this Fire sauce packet in my eye." -Kiss Of Octopus
Annotated highlights of the mirth, music, and mayhem:
-If for some reason you're not already consuming the consistently-glorious opening music set, don't miss the Boris (now NYT-approved) track that Tom spins at the 8:48 mark. The Best Album of 2006 race is not ova! Pink will take out Missile Sunset. You heard it here first.
- And then there's ... Spike (starts at: 25:45), whose call is greeted by his new theme song. Is it just me, or does Spike actually sound a bit like Beatrice Arthur? Maybe it actually is Bea Arthur? First Best Show conspiracy theory of 2006! I'm always initially a bit thrown when Spike calls because he often starts in that Arthurian, grandmotherly tone ("Heeeeelllllooooo, Tom....."), which recalls the voice of my dearly-departed grandmother, so it triggers my mind to expect warm, soothing words of praise and Werther's Original candies and then this guy starts bringing out the Gimp and he's tying people up and whipping them into obedience and I'm all like GET OFF TOM'S PHONE! I'll keep an eye on this Bea Arthur thing. If Betty White or Rue McClanahan start showing up on that Pollard tour to stalk Wurster then I may really be on to something.
So anyway, Spike did round out (ha ha) his visual description by revealing that he's 6' 4" (height) and wears dungarees in the range of 46W. Since he previously claimed to look like Malcolm-Jamal Warner, Tom notes that this is a decidedly plus-size M-JW. I'm thinking we're dealing with something more like this. (Nickname: "The Gluten-Free Refrigerator"). Tom also suggested an interesting theory regarding Spike's after-hours antics -- he's Tyler Durdening it up and engaing in some self-discipline.
- Tom finds an intriguing eBay auction (starts at 31:55) for a Los Angeles Non-Scratchy Record Deal, which he considers bidding on to engage in Tusk-level studio squandering. Fave sales pitch: "Question: How can William Hung have an album out and YOU not? Answer: The people behind William had a plan. Stop waiting to be discovered, take control and make this YOUR year." People with a plan win in 2006! Tom read the testimonial of former winner Julie Mains and attempts to sample something from her hooks-and-chops-laden, cutout bin-destined debut record. After initially mistaking a dial tone for a Kraftwerky intro to one of her songs, we were denied a taste of her artistry due to a malfunctioning Myspace ("The most defective site on the Internet"). I have since sampled JM's "Fine China" here. That song could use some FLUTE.
The same seller had another auction for a A Starring Role In A Hollywood (short) Film. I can vouche for this auction as I am a previous high bidder and appeared in a short film called Days of Deceit with co-stars Taryn Manning, Richard Kind, and Chelsea Peretti. The film is an adaptation of a short story about a parrot who has lung cancer and was directed by Fred Savage, who runs a really fun set and lets you do your thing. We didn't get into Sundance, but the short will appear in Wholphin No. 3, where it will be nestled between an episode of a Kazakhstani version of Just Shoot Me and a short documentary about a guy who plays Wilco songs on a kazoo while riding a unicycle. If I had to describe Days, I'd say The Station Agent meets March of the Penguins. I've gotten decent reviews, although the bastard people over at Film Threat called my performance "infuriatingly bland" and compared my chemistry with Peretti to Tom and Nicole in Eyes Wide Shut. Ouch.
- Mack's back (starts at 50:53) and he's still claiming to own a book called The Encyclopedia of Heavy Metal by Daniel Bugs-a-pan ("It exists!!!!). He's a bit worn out from a hard day of pointless English/Language Arts tests and delivers a nice riff on the social vs. academic aspects of the educational experience. My mental picture of this great kid is a rock-lovin', modern day Sam Weir, taking refuge in A/V Club, getting picked on by jerky classmates. (Choice Tom quip: "Have you ever called a sixth grader 'Master'?") Hang in there, Mack! The good guys will ultimately be on your side. Word of warning for your jump to high school next year: don't waste your time with the dull, right-wing cheerleaders -- take the New Girl out to an all-you-can-eat rib joint and impress her with your knowledge of The Scorpions, Aerosmith, and Yngwie Malmsteen. And keep practicing on the skins so you can indeed become the next Neil Peart and have the last laugh on the "crazy, preppy jock people". Bad guys won in 2005. Mack wins in 2006. This one's for you:
Rush - "O Baterista" (live in Rio)
- Some good theme song entries (starts 57:51), although the first of my two faves is much more of a straight-up, music-adding remix of Barry Dworkin's acapella rendition of thrill-rockers The Gas Station Dogs' "Rock 'n Roll Dreams'll Come Through". Nice work -- Dworkin actually rocks now! The other is The Themeweavers, LLC's infectious, powerful theme song. "When you're reachin' for the top shelf, there's isn't any debate", so this seems like a winner. Also in this segment: Tom is repeatedly stung by the IM sound, fans of My Brother and Me call to reveal the unoriginality -- and subsequent disqualification -- of one theme song entry, and debate about whether people who hate teevee are Communists or just jerks.
-The (Legendary?) Mahky Ramone, drummer for the World Famous Ramones, checks in (starts at 1:31) from his solo tour in Tokyo to update Guest-List-Scammin' Tom about some new projects:
1. Marky Ramone action figures are back in-stock, including one that features Marky drumming in the nude (some people are into that), which will make for a nice companion piece for my Ramones Toxic Teddies.
2. The self-promoting "Punk Rock Blitzkreig" (previously called "Punk Rock Planet") on Sirius.
3. Marky Ramone Films' Rock 'N' Roll High School 3 (RnRHS2K5) - a hard R-rated cross between the original, A Hard Day's Night, 28 Days Later, and Silence of the Lambs. The film will be cast with Erasmus Hall High School's distinguished alumni, such as Donald Most, Bernie Kopell, and Babs Streisand. I won't divulge many SPOILERS here -- you'll have to buy a ticket and view it at your local cineplex -- but the big twist is that Mahky develops a new strain of DNA that grows serial killers and someone steals it from his leather jacket, forcing him to save a "hot teacher" whose been kidnapped and thrown in a pit at The Continental by a newly-sprouted Hannibal Lecter.
4. Mahky and Little Mahky, a bland ventriloquist act -- look for them doing warmup shows in Jersey clubs before taking it to Manhattan.
Tom asks Mahky to be a celebrity judge for the Battle Rap, and since WFMU is rolling in dough, he requests a fee of $12 million. He then reduces that to $12,730 in order to pay Andy Wallace to finish mixing The Intruders' "The Job That Ate My Brain 2006", which never got the right treament on Mondo Bizarro. Ultimately, he agrees to do it in exchange for plugs for upcoming NYC shows with The Misfits.
Battle Rap 2006, #002: MC Steinberg
(Defending Champion) vs. Professional Rock Star Ted Leo
(Challenger)
Calm Before the Storm (starts at 2:12)
Indie entertainer Ted Leo is in the studio trying to makes sense of how he managed to get mixed up in a Battle Rap with Steinberg and fears his stentorian falsetto will sound silly in the format. Mainstream entertainer MC Steinberg, fresh off cracking 1,000 Friends on Myspace, is focused and confident (Apollo Creed!), warning Ted about his extensive training (including potentially inconsequential weightlifting) and predicts a KO victory.
[Myspace race UPDATE (as of 1/23/06): Tom = 699 (lowered after a recent weeding out of awful bands and novelty friends like The Jolly Green Giant) / MC Steinberg = 1,043 / British cross-dresser Dane Cook = 803,235]
Round 1 (starts at 2:29)
MC Steinberg: Crisp dis track, suggests The Pharmacists are now part of the Steinberg posse and that Leo's records would not sell even if they cost 50 cents. Notes that Leo is lucky it was delivered in the acappella format since if married with beats, Ted would shake in his sheets.
Ted Leo: Dirty Jersey vegan! Very solid, robust dis focusing on how Steinberg's Best Show calls and Myspace graffiti waste time better spent watching Law & Order.
Celebrity Judge Panel:
Petey: Liked Leo's rhymes but felt he was trying too hard and preferred Steinberg's flow.
Philly Boy Roy (using a hoagie as a pacifier to stay silent during the raps): Goes with Steinberg since the Garden State is #1 on his S Hitlist.
Mahky Ramone: Favored Ted's deeper voice and flow. (Also refers to Petey as an "infant".)
Timmy von Trimble: Notes that he hates this "music"; declares a draw since both combatants had cool stuff, but it was often hard for his little ears to process the rhymes. Mentions that Hitler was also a vegetarian.
Recidivism pick: Ted Leo
Round 2 (starts at 2:38)
MCS: "Your career's runnin' out/And so are your hairs" + "Tiny Tim called/He wants his high-pitched voice back" + "Your biggest hit to date was a Kelly Clarkson COVA" = NICE
TL: GOMP! "Overgrown man-child/baby with a rattle" + "And like my man Corey Harris/I knocked your mother 13 times" (Line of the Night, and it hit too close to home for Steinberg: "My Mom's in rehab, jerk.")
Celebrity Judge Panel:
Petey: Claims Leo reminds him of a California-based Chinese rapper that he used to correspond with and was impressed by his transitions into verses (that's called FLOW); docks Steinberg for a short rap, which sets off some fireworks. Steinberg was under the impression that the rules stipulated three rounds of four verses, which Leo disputes. Petey suggests a 4th round of freestyle raps and is dismissed from the panel for insubordination. This does not disapoint Mahky: "The voice was kinda gratin'."
PBR: "Steinberg was pretty cruel, but I gotta say Teddy was a little crueler, which I'm sorta into." This prompts PBR to mention a feud he has with his cousin who borrowed a lawnmower in 1984 and has yet to return it.
MR: Favored Steinberg's more concise rap, which hit him in the hot, and felt bad about Leo's maternal zing.
TvT: His gut reaction to Steinberg's brevity was "Hey, kid, where's the beef?", but the rules crack-up has him on a quest to crawl inside the hard drives of Leo and Steinberg to research any electronic messages exchanged about Battle Rap guidelines. He also reiterates his longstanding threat to -- you guessed it -- jump in Tom's mouth and stab him from the inside. TvT's vote: DRAW.
Recidivism pick: Ted Leo
Round 3 (starts at 2:44)
MCS: Great off-the-dome referencing of Ted's round 2 rap ("Your rhymes are too long/You're breakin' the rules") and a stunning, brilliant "Me and Mia" sing-song sample.
TL: In a bold, controversial move, Ted does an acoustic cover of Big Star's "The Ballad of El Goodo". Immediately following the song, Steinberg admits defeat and laments his big head ("The celebrity ate me up"). Ted proves a good sportsman by offering to concede victory due to rules violations, but the damage was already done -- Ted Leo dethroned MC Steinberg.
Celebrity Judge Panel:
Petey DUMPED
PBR - "It's a draw to me -- you're both losers". PBR suggests settling it with a push-up contest and reveals that he's currently doing some irregular ones.
MR - Praises Ted's tuneful, original song and offers to add fast drums to the track in the future; can't recall Steinberg's rap.
TvT: Not pleased with Ted thumbing his nose at the rules by doing a musical song and recommends disqualification.
Recidivism pick: MC Steinberg
Overall Recidivism Winner: Ted Leo 2 rounds to 1.
Aftermath, etc.
Steinberg's talent will not be denied and he will rise again. I recommend that he lay low for awhile -- leave the maistream and get back to his underground roots -- and maybe cut a few tracks with Nick and Amelia to get some confidence back.
MC Teddy T is recording a hip-hop EP with Rick Rubin at the helm (due in July on Gern Blandsten): "If you bum-rush Teddy/I feel bad for you, son/I got 99 problems/MC Steinberg ain't one"
I recommend a scroll through this thread (NSFW squeeze-alicious avatar from "Kiss of Octopus" -- it's probably Greg Graffin) where the kids are getting their first taste of TBSOWFMU via Leo and it's mostly an impatient whingefest (though Tom kind of wins them over with the Myspace riffage and they dig the Mahky). Love that they express doubt that the battle will even happen! Like it's gonna be some kind of urband legend that'll land on Snopes: The rumored Battle Rap of January 2006 between Ted Leo and MC Steinberg DID NOT HAPPEN. It was a clever ruse concocted by N.J. radio personality Tom Scharpling to boost ratings. The most notable howler is matt1419's "the song was The Ballad of El Goodo by Evan Dando from the Empire Records soundtrack" in response to a query about Ted's Round 3 piece being a new song.
However, the funniest comment in this thread actually has nothing to do with anti-Best Show tomfoolery or musical ignorance. Here it is: "Okay I've been tricked into going and drinking beer with girls so I'm gonna leave. If someone can record this I'd be forever grateful." -aminorthreat55. Tricked! I assume this "trick" went something like:
GladGirl: Hey, u wanna drink some beer? Danielle and Megan are going.
aminorthreat55: ok.
GladGirl: Cool. Have you been able to get into Myspace today????
aminorthreat55: i tried to do a post an hour ago but the blogs were down. so were the pics and I couldn't get any songs to play.
GladGirl: I know! I had a bunch of new pics from Trevor's party that I wanted to add. AND I HEARD IT WILL BECOME A PAY SITE!!!!!!!!!
aminorthreat55: whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?? that's so gay! can't wait to hear what Tom has to say this time. someone told me that he's facing charges for comitting an act in an old folks home.
GladGirl: Yuck...ok get ur ass over here NOW, bitch!
Here's the fourth round that Petey wanted:
Big Star Battle - Ted Leo vs. Evan Dando vs. Colin Meloy.
Ted Leo - "The Ballad of El Goodo"
Evan Dando - "The Ballad of El Goodo" (original from the Empire Records soundtrack)
Colin Meloy - "The Ballad of El Goodo"
Vote in the comment bin so Philly Boy Roy can do the tallies.
**********
Tom had six minutes left in the show, so Ted performed a new song that I assume will be on his next record.
Ted Leo - "Dancing in the Dark"
I guess this track has been kicking around for a few years since I found a video clip of a performance from 6/25/2002. Good, tuneful song!
On the next ... The Best Show on WFMU: The tent's still standing and the good guys keep winning.
The Zombies - "This Will Be Our Year"
$5 US, please.
January 23, 2006
mini-Recid-O-Cast: I'm sick with this...
So sometimes I get ridiculous.
January 22, 2006
Why don't more people know about this?
Check out Bob Odenkirk's Dogma-style short film called The Pity Card, which features a scurvy-stricken (among other things) Zach Galifianakis.
January 21, 2006
Henry and Silas = trendsetters
Jacob and Luke = trend
January 20, 2006
Not for fancy people, babies or olds.
Professional funnyman Brian Posehn made a comedy album called Live In: Nerd Rage. It contains some unedited bits that you know and love from the CoC, as well as some stuff that was not featured on that program.
Brian Posehn - "Dork for Thirty Years" [NSFW companion video]
Brian Posehn - "Movie Ruiners/The Unholy Trilogy"
Brian Posehn - "Yelling Stuff"
I tried to leave Bri-Bri a message but some effer thwarted my plans. (My theory: it was hacked by Maria Bamford.) In lieu of a text message, I would like to dedicate this song to BP:
Hellsongs - "Run to the Hills" [Här ligger tillgängliga demoversioner av gudomlig loungemetal!]
*The title for the image embedded within this post is: "The Grady sisters from The Shining go goth and stand outside the Twin Peaks Red Room with that dork from Just Shoot Me."
January 19, 2006
Ancient Chinese Secret
How to fold a shirt.
January 18, 2006
she climbin that polin
Today I was listening to Dr. Red Duke's favorite radio station, 95.5 The Beat, when I heard what I have to assume is currently his favorite jam. Knowing the good Dr, he wishes he could bump said jam at his lesiure instead of being at the mercy of some DJ. So here you go Red, because I assume you've been wanting it.
T-Pain - "I'm N Luv (Wit A Stripper)"
I been hypmotized.
I'm completely addicted to all these image-stabilized conspiracy fix-em-ups of late.
This latest one has been loping around in a browser tab all day long. Is it a legit Bigfoot sighting? Or rare footage of Robin Williams en route to The Comedy Store circa '78?
Ronnie James Marx.
January 17, 2006
"Chillin' at the beaches down at Club Med"
Is that a pony?
Your money's on the dresser, New Orleans.
To maximize your enjoyment, Mayor Ray Nagin's explanation should be read in the style and voice of David Brent.
And hopefully tie this to timeless melodies!
I don't know that much about Johnny Boy, but Pitchfork, the popular online music journal known for launching countless indie successes (Broken Social Scene, The Arcade Fire, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Bratz, etc.), cited one of their tracks as the 50th best single of 2004:
Johnny Boy - "You Are The Generation That Bought More Shoes And You Get What You Deserve"
The Fork followed this up with a news update on the upcoming full-length. I have heard this full-length and I like the way it sounds! Here's two tracks from it:
Johnny Boy - "Fifteen Minutes" [Just realized that Flux beat me to this track by 5 days. Replacement track: "All Exits Final"]
Johnny Boy - "Formaldehyde (Last Words of Lottery Loser)"
burning bush!
Recid-O-Cast. #002:
Accidentally deleted but born again for your enjoyment.
What street are we on?
It's just been sitting in the /video directory unused and unlinked for a month, so I figure I oughtta hunker down and write it up: and now two A-Holes Buying a Christmas Tree. The sketch aired the same week as Lazy Sunday and got undeservedly lost in the Internet shuffle.
Aside from being a decently amusing character-driven sketch (a rarity in the last few years), it was also of note in that we finally get to see some younger-skewing Kristen Wiig action. Wiig's already staked out her place as the new player to watch on SNL (take that, Captain Jawbone Samberg!), but the characters she's played have largely skewed "mature:" Judy Garland, the Target Greatland cashier, Felicity Huffman, a wiigged out Megan Mullally. Even prior to SNL, her Joe Schmo Dr. Pat character was an ostensibly mature character.
So this a-hole character is a nice new (to those of us who missed her earlier Groundlings work) wrinkle. I'm sure it'll recur and drive us insane soon enough, so enjoy it now!
I'm fine... I'm fine...
-----Original Message-----
From: Co-worker
Sent: Monday, January 16, 2006 9:25 AM
To: Omar
Subject: Non-biz: Overheard Hallway Conversation -- TRUE!!!
So this morning, no kidding, this is what I've heard repeated about three times. Each time, I've amost choked and sprayed my coffee all over everything. I've had to leave my cube a few times because I've been crying from laughter. Here's a summary:
"I had a wild weekend this weekend, let me tell you. Last week, my son broke two pair of glasses. So, over the weekend, I took him to the eye doctor to get some contacts. We were there for about two hours while the doctor was working with him. They were teaching him how to put in and take out his contacts and the doctor says to me, 'Why don't you show him how you do it?' So, I was going to show my son how I put my contacts in. I raised my eyelid and, all of a sudden, I couldn't see out of that eye. Everybody gasped — well, my son sort of screamed — and had that real dumb look on their faces. The doctor kept asking me if I knew what had happening and saying really calmly that he was going to wash his hands. I knew something was wrong but I thought my eyelid had flipped up. Girl, my eye had popped out of its socket! The doctor finished washing his hands, told me he was going to touch my eye, and then worked on me to get it back in the socket."
She goes on to explain that she has Graves Disease which makes your eyes bulge (among other things), give clinical details of her emergency treatment, reassure her listeners that she's okay, and emphasize that it was a pretty scary experience for her.
Then, she casually adds this bit about her son: "He was on the phone with his dad yelling 'I don't want contacts! I don't want contacts!'"
----------
January 16, 2006
Hustle & Flow.
"Everybody's all talk and no rhyme." –MC Steinberg
[TBSOWFMU - 1/10/06.]
These Best Show recaps tend to focus on the banter and the comedy, but one certainly does not want to neglect el Goodo's stellar work as a Disc Jockey (DJ if you're into the whole brevity thing). Most shows have me going to AMG and elsewhere to research several albums/bands that require exploration.
This week's opening set: a track from recent NME cover boys Led Zepp-el-lin (Next Big Thing! Their Myspace page has another track called "Communication Breakdown" if you want to sample some more stuff), Red C's "Pressure's On" (decent ear candy pop), a big-time Two for Tuesday from Japan's (or is it Virginia's?) Boris, which has me fired up for Pink, and a nifty little number called "All Humans Are Garbage" from the DC Snipers' Missile Sunset, which Tom has already anointed the best album of 2006. The race is ova only 10 days into the new year.
Tom's second set later in the show featured The Move's "Blackberry Way" (Left Banke-y feel on this one). I definitely need to check into their Cherry Blossom Clinic. Hard not to love a set that also featured The Bee Gee's "Every Christian Lion-Hearted Man Will Show You" and another track from this highly-intriguing compilation.
Annotated highlights:
- Track-by-track takedown (starts at 31:14; everyone's favorite Discipline Daddy calls in at 46:04 and also pans it) of Soupjam Stevens's Illinois -- the alleged Album of the Year for 2005. And it was just nominated for a New Pantheon Award by Nic Harcourt, the ultimate "tastemaker" in music! Surely that might make Tom reconsider its merits.
Summary of Soofjan grievances: [starts off with a side-dig of those Polyphonic Spree fruitcakes (the "morons who dress in robes")], pretentious cover (Soupjam Stevens invites you to...), really pretentious song titles (perhaps co-written by the people at McSweeney's), FLUTE: strike 1 and 2, bagpipes?, what is this -- a play?, a bad Kinks album from the mid-70s, disgusted that "John Wayne Gacy, Jr." may be written from the POV of Gacy's parents (it's not), bad Randy Newman, excessive in length -- not required to fill up a CD's 80-minute capacity, old-timey theater music, "Casimir Pulaski Day" is fast-forwarded (this would get my vote for the album's best track), bad Elvis Costello, bad Van Dyke Parks merged with 8th-rate Elliot Smith, already done by Robert Pollard on Bee Thousand.
Tom gave his approval to "Chicago" and expressed initial interest in a second track before aborting it. He missed the re-rocking! Here it is:
Sufjan Stevens - “The Man of METROPOLIS Steals Our Hearts"
Maybe Sniffian can turn Tom around with his EP of Volcano Suns covers due out in June on Rough Trade. I've heard his take on "JAK" and that song works surprisingly well with the sleigh bells and glockenspiel-based arrangement.
Recidivism also received two track titles from Sufianne's New York album, tentatively titled Come On Feel the Transit Strike (due out on Asthmatic Kitty in 2012; a special double-vinyl Necronomicon edition will come bound in human flesh):
01 - "After a very late night of ball-gaggery in a custodial closet at a FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OFFICE BUILDING, Spike returns home to his dungeon to throw darts at a Jennifer Lopez poster and make gluten-free PANCAKES; he falls asleep to the sounds of Chuck Berry's "Maybeline" as a muted soap opera flickers in the background. The next morning, he stumbles into a voting booth and accidentally pulls the lever for a straight Republican ticket."
02 - “HARK! Staten Islanders rampage through the city flinging fully-loaded Burger King bags out of their windows, striking Petey’s father as he digs up orange, yellow, and white SOOT.”
- Tom discusses (starts at 58:07) a Fast Company article on the rise and fall of half-billionaire David Pottruck. Pottruck seemed destined for the FWD of the Week® award, but this honor was ultimately given to chatroomer "Beegeen" (sp?) for suggesting that Tom is out of touch with the culture due to Illinois hatred.
- P-Shirt, Tom, Petey, and Chris from Toronto discuss (starts at 1:13) the proposed documentary of Tom visiting Petey's house. I vote for My Dinner With Petey (with commemorative lunchbox tie-in) and would definitely avoid Snuggle Time With Petey, which would undoubtedly face a massive political backlash.
- MC Steinberg (starts at 1:26) checks in to re-issue his challenge from last week's show and declare his rap battle readiness. While Steinberg's on the line, Spike calls again (note the Steinberg cackles in the background) to suggest a Best Show theme song called "A Good Beating With A Rubber Hose". Tom's response: "I hate you so much." Choice Steinberg quip: "Is he really?", in response to Tom's accusation that Spike is a sex offender.
- Tom goes OFF (starts at 1:41). Tom knows what he's doing, kids. It's a three-hour radio show, not a Virtual Reality Sensotron! TENTPOLE show! Quit your whingeing.
- Nina from NJ cheers Tom up with a Super Mario joke (1:46).
- A nervous Dan calls (starts at 1:51) on the eve of a surgical procedure to remove his vanishing twin. Prior to this segment, if someone asked me what a "vanishing twin" was, I probably would have said it was some obscure French psychological thriller. Turns out that it's South Korean. Great Tom quip: "Are you sure it's not a face?" I'm not sure if it's a vanishing boy or a:
The Dukes of Stratosphear - "Vanishing Girl"
- Tom gets a request (starts at 2:30) for the Shatman-Henry Rollins collaboration "I Just Can't Get Behind That" and accidentally spins about 30 seconds of a different song entirely. What a tease. So now you find yourself in ’82:
Asia – "Heat of the Moment"
- Tom makes the switch (starts at 2:33) from a PC to a "Macintosh Mac" (purchased, I assume, at the Newbridge Commons Radio Hut), although it remains sealed. If he ever fires it up, he'll undoubtedly require the services of The Jock Squad. Computer expert Ted Leo calls and praises the Mac Life (as well as sort-of defends Sufyan) and accepts the challenge to battle rap MC Steinberg on next week's show. Suggestions for future Steinberg battles: maybe continue to plow through indie rockers? After he disposes of Mr. Leo, I’d like to see a Steinberg vs. Travis Morrison bout. (Maybe an easy tune-up with Lou Barlow first? Gibbard?). Also, I'm not sure about Steinberg's beatboxin' skillz but if he's up for it, he should try to take down Dokaka. Winner gets Bjork.
- Rap Battle 2006, #001: MC Steinberg vs. MC John Junk (starts at 2:44). The Battle Rap series got off to a great start in this very close contest -- I give a slight edge to Steinberg, perhaps due to what Junk thought was TS pandering with his references to Soofyan and Snoop Kitty Kat. I dug the ripped-from-the-Best-Show timeliness of said rhymes.
On the next ... The Best Show on WFMU: A show so brilliant it'll make your faces melt.
Battle Rap 2006, #002: DJ SteinbrennerMC Steinberg (Defending Champion) vs. Professional Rock Star Ted Leo (Challenger) - 1.17.06
Ted, admitting it.
Ted Leo + The Pharmacists - "Counting Down The Hours" (from the excellent Shake the Sheets)
----------
This episode of TBSOWFMU was brought to you by Alioto Ford in East Rutherford.
January 15, 2006
All are punish'd.
"The Staircase was television’s finest achievement of 2005, and the fact that most people have not seen it might, in the past, have been a source of frustration to a critic. And imagine the poor soul who learned about this televised wonder only by reading the critic’s year-end summary. Fortunately, we live in a new era, and The Staircase, which originally aired on Sundance Channel, lives on in DVD. I’ll wait here while you order it." --Aaron Barnhart, The Kansas City Star/TV Barn
Netflix it. Buy it. The Staircase is the most riveting documentary ever made.
**********
"Lestrade's cameras pull us farther into the legal system than Law & Order or Court TV ever could, and the result is chilling." --Joy Press, The Village Voice
"A truly remarkable work of art." --Dana Stevens, Slate
"Regardless of what you think of Peterson's innocence or guilt when the final episode ends and the verdict is rendered (don't worry: no spoilers here), you won't be able to forget this engrossing and ultimately tragic story." --Heather Havrilesky, Salon
"The Staircase is an intense look at family dynamics, Southern politics, prejudice, faith, secret lives, and a blow poke." --Gillian Flynn, Entertainment Weekly, on her #4 TV series of 2005
"My verdict: The Staircase is one of the best TV programs I have ever seen. Billed as a true-crime miniseries, it's a cinematic fusion of reality show, legal drama and portrait of a man whose life is on the line. Along the way, it offers plenty of tabloid-worthy twists. But in the hands of Oscar-winning filmmaker Jean-Xavier de Lestrade, The Staircase indulges the titillation value while rising to the level of art." --Fraizer Moore, AP
Recid-O-Cast, first in a series. #001:
Dr. Red Duke is all hyped about this new version of iLife and the fancy web fanciness that they've made all easy and simple. One of the first things he's talked about doing is a podcast. I can't imagine anyone that I'd rather hear a podcast from more than the good Dr. In an effort at spurring him on, I've created something completely horrible to test out the R's new podcasting publishing capabilities. It is an audio recording. It is enhanced with pictures and sounds (watch in iTunes or your iPod for full effect). It was all created in Garageband -- SOC-style, in one take. It is the worst thing (and consequently why I'm posting on a Sunday, desperately hoping to be buried beneath the crushing weight of a Best Show recap). But it'll give Dr. Red Duke something to come out and play off of. Something to one-up.
Side benefit to this mess: resubscribe to the RSS feed in iTunes and the first file in all of our music and video posts will dump right into your iTunes/iPod world. With no pesky downloading needed.
January 14, 2006
Kool Keith #004: bees turn to C's turn to B's
Remember when x showed up at that one poker game and he kept repeating "M-A-N-E spells mane"?
Kool Keith - "M.A.N.E." [Amazon
January 13, 2006
Not sexy.
[Rick Rubin produced this?]
Maybe I'll win his heart this time.
"Don't run by the poooooooooooooooool. No cut-offs." --Kathleen Hanna, lifeguardin'.
So I've been working my way through the crazy delicious Children Of Nuggets: Original Artyfacts From The Second Psychedelic Era 1976-1995 and I'm going to provide a track from this box right here:
The Bevis Frond - "Lights Are Changing" (originally on 1988's Triptych)
My first exposure to this song was via Mary Lou Lord's cover version on her self-titled 1995 EP. I flipped through my Jewelsleeves and pulled this thing out for the first time in about a decade. Here's MLL's take:
Mary Lou Lord - "Lights Are Changing" (ft. Juliana Hatfield!)
I spun the entire EP and was jigowatted back to the heart of late '94-early '95 musical nostalgia by this track:
Mary Lou Lord - "His Indie World"
In my mind, this was a bizarre and fun time for the rock, this post-Kurt free-for-all in a pre-Internet world where there was no Pitchfork or Myspace or blogs that featured digital downloads of songs with helpful little RIYL write-ups or $2.99 pulls from Half.com, and a magazine like SPIN (sometimes supplemented with a 'zine like the L.A.-based Flipside with its reportage of Rodney Bingenheimer playlists, cover stories on Kat Bjelland, and scene reports feauring various obscurities) was one of my primary sources for tip-offs.
Ten random memories from this period that popped into my head (I would obviously require several Klosterman-y tomes to fully flesh things out): The Big Four "Grunge" Collective starting to fade out (Nirvana RIP, Pearl Jam's Mackaye-inspired NO VIDEOS/F TICKETMASTER retreat, Alice in Chains sticking around with the Jar of Flies EP, Soundgarden holding things down with Superunknown), Lisa Kennedy Montgomery and Alternative Nation, Billie Joe going all Tom Cruise in the "Longview" video, Pavement having a minor hit with "Cut Your Hair", Kathleen Hanna bouncing around in the "Bull in the Heather" video, Weezer's unraveled sweaters and Happy Days romp, "Seether", Siamese Dream and Pisces Iscariot, listening to Live Through This five times a day for like three months, and x amount chasing Calvin Johnson down Atlanta alleyways.
It was a time (and this probably started in early '93) marked by the weekly ritual of sliding label catalogs (Dischord, Sub Pop, KRS, Matador, Merge, etc.) and CDs (the blurb said it sounds like a cross between Mudhoney's Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge and Helium's Pirate Prude EP, so it damn well better deliver!) out of my college mail slot and then returning to my dorm room to assess the loot. Sample dialogue:
Roommate: Anything good today?
Me: Let's see, I got a care package from my grandmother, the new Entertainment Weekly, and Slant 6's Soda Pop Rip-Off, so yeah."
And let's not forget those catalogs (sent away for with a SASE, of course) with all the import Italian Nirvana bootlegs like Outcesticide IX: Barely-Audible Demos and Slightly Different Versions of Songs You Already Have on 17 Other CDs Straight from the Pit of His Burning, Nauseous Stomach. $40? Sounds great! For a couple of years, grief-feuled Cobain completism was a very pricey game to play.
Another landmark event of this time was Pearl Jam's Self-Pollution Radio broadcast on 1/8/95. I took notes during this show. ( I bought the entire The Fastbacks catalog as a result, as well as dipping into pre-Goo Sonic Youth based on EV's snap-krackle-pop-y spin of "Teenage Riot" from a black circle called Daydream Nation.)
EV also played Hanna's message on Mike Watt's answering machine, which eventually appeared on Ball-Hog or Tugboat? It's a 90s classic, perhaps the definitive "Riot Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl" (all those Olympia schoolgirls yelling and rocking sure did maximize my fun) statement -- a denial, a denial, a denial -- given a Scharpling & Wurster-worthy twist in the form of a request for a borrowed Annie soundtrack. Here it is:
Mike Watt/Kathleen Hanna - "Heartbeat" [transcript]
UPDATE: "He never really had my Annie record. I made that whole thing up, I barely even know him. It's just art."
Bonus Tracks:
Mike Watt - "Against the 70's" (ft. EV/Grohl/, Novoselic/ Gary Lee Conner/Carla Bozulich)
Mike Watt - "Piss-Bottle Man" (ft. Dando/Zander Schloss/Anna Waronker/Petra Haden/Rachel Haden, et al)
Mike Watt - "Chinese Firedrill" (ft. Frank Black/Nels Cline/Stephen Perkins, et al)
Mike Watt - "Tuff Gnarl" (ft. Carla Bozulich/J Mascis/Thurston-Lee-Steve/Nels Cline/Epic Soundtracks/Petra Haden)
Mike Watt - "Drove Up From Pedro" (ft. Carla Bozulich/Nels Cline/Joe Baiza/SPOT on mandolin!, et al.)
January 12, 2006
Kool Keith #003: Ricky Ricardo, Guy Lombardo
I was browsing through soulseek one day when I came across a user with a large number of rather rare old school hip-hop tracks. Most of what I download was either of extremely poor quality or incorrectly labeled. This Ultramag remix was of the latter. I have no info on this remix other than that it is not the East Coast or West Coast mixes.
Ultramagnetic MC's - "Poppa Large (Remix)"
CBS at 8:00.
This Lita/Amy Dumas-cum-Janet Jackson brouhaha [treat it as as NSFW if you work with folks who might be all up in your screen's grill with their grandpa reading glasses -- or if you plan on clicking into the fuzzy thumbnails] is of note for two reasons:
1. The main riff on unsatisfied "hippies" is pretty solid. It feels really familiar though, and I can't place the source. The donkeys copulating with midgets line might be recycled, but attempting to Google that will put you on the same government questionables list that Dr. Red Duke's occupied for years.
2. This exact same* scene played itself out around 15 years ago.
*minus the roving cameraman, stadium crowd, black-sheeted bed, play-by-play announcers, spandex, silicone, and nudity. and i'm pretty sure that i was the one with the protective black tape.
January 11, 2006
Kool Keith #002: Hip House
If ever there was a rule to follow it's that all house remixes of rap songs are horrible. This is the exception to that rule. With samples from "Planet Rock" and Bobby Byrd's background "Yeah! Woo!" yells from Lyn Colins' "Think (About It)" you almost can't go wrong.
Ultramagnetic MC's - "Travelling At The Speed Of Thought (Hip House Club Mix)" [Amazon
Me, Myself, and U.
A full-album Prince Paul/De La reunion would be fun (when they last met, it was one of the second (and final!) Handsome Boy Modeling School album's highlights: "If It Wasn't For You"), but a Prince collabo? Oh man.
[miniscule pause].
Let's just say that if I was a wacky morning radio DJ, I would have the last part of this clip assigned to the soundboard's biggest, reddest button. You'd hear me use it like five times a show. That and a boner boing sound, of course.
January 10, 2006
No wonder the sound has so much BODY.
Lefties Soul Connection - "Organ Donor"
Like the high school band DJ Shadow cover business, only deeper, dirtier, and completely different. But it's still honkies covering a honky doing funky.
OxyWash unclogs pores.
Like so very many of you, I've been wondering whether James Urbaniak stumbled in and commented on the Tom Shillue thing because he knows Shillue in real life, or because he just happened to catch Shillue straying even further from storytelling mode and into Carrot Top-like Etch-A-Sketch prop comedy.
Evidence for the former: they've both been killing time in a recording booth at the same voice talent agency (spelunk around for some other fun easter egg-like discoveries: Count the Sorkin connections! Why does a popular The Daily Show correspondent only have one commercial under his belt? Speaking of stunt-butts...)
Kinda fun to imagine Shillue and Urbaniak in-between sessions, out tooling around in a Ford, drinking POWERade, and generally FIGHTING THE POWER with Chuck D.
January 9, 2006
Kool Keith #001
Everything you need to know about Kool Keith (aka Dr. Octagon, Dr. Dooom, Dr. Gerbik, Dr. Ultra, Big Willie Smith, Black Elvis, Keith Korg, Sinister 6000, Rhythm X, Keith Matthew Thornton) can be summed up by the following interview excerpt from the Critical Beatdown [Remastered]
Back then T La Rock, Just Ice, us, LL [Cool J], everybody was using the big words. You know, 'Construction!' 'Destruction!' 'Corruption!' Those were the words to rhyme with back in the day. Everybody was still using '...ation'. 'Concentration!' You know, like KRS, 'Dedication! Frustration! Imitation!' We were the first guys to go more into words that wasn't '...ation', but they were still big words. You know, 'Circulatory', 'Attitude'. We took it to that level. I was just having fun. We were reading a lot of UFO books, satellite books, space books. Documentary stuff. We took words out of magazines. Popular Mechanics - I would read that. I was reading a lot of other stuff. Me and Ced would just read more books that had big words. And we would watch a lot of programs that were elevated. Like Star Trek.
Kool Keith - "Get Off My Elevator"
There was no...
We had simply planned to track down one of his many mug shots and add it to our site's large collection.
Thoroughly engrossing background-check of James Frey's supposedly non-fiction best-seller "A Million Little Pieces" by thesmokinggun.com.
If you need other ins to the 6 page recount:
Frey has become something of a literary rock star, attracting crowds at book signings that jam stores to capacity and prompt comparisons to established draws like David Sedaris and Dave Eggers.
He has said that the film [version] is being directed by Mark Romanek.
Room still on fire.
In recent weeks, I've seen a few "Is This It" puns pop up in newspaper and magazine reviews of First Impressions of Earth and laughed off the lameness, but now it's being used on magazine covers? In 2006? Who are the editorial wizards who think this is still a clever little thing? This is the band's third album. The Strokes may have doomed themselves with that debut album title, the press always wondering if the tracks on any given album are all they have to offer at any given time or if said tracks will launch them into new levels of it-ness or maybe it really is it for these Strokes and they will have to fold up shop and earn their money being roadies for Robert Pollard.
[via Brooklyn Vegetarian.]
Gale, he smiled at me.
I was lying on the couch kinda sideways yesterday and noticed something on the empty, carcass-like Amazon.com boxes from Christmas: the boxes have the arrow-only thing, unlike the site's full-on logo that squishes the arrow up under the Amazon.com text. But so guess what I saw in that arrow? A SMILE. A HALF-GRINNY SMILE.
I kinda yelled at Mrs. Amount and asked her what she thought the Amazon.com logo was and she was all, "You mean the smile?" And I was all, "NO, WOMAN, the ARROW." She'd never seen that arrow and had always just seen the smile.
I tell you what: men are from this one male'd up planet and women are from the moon! Turns out the logo is both an A to Z arrow AND a smile! FEEL-GOODERY item of the week!
What do you people see? Or are you all "I remember when this latest logo was released back in the year two-thousand and I know everything and shut up, dork with your big, boring 'revelations.'"
One more link to him and his world.
I've tended to skip and/or be annoyed by the hexplosion of '05 listy-lists (I do love me that Medium Kanye Kombo at Arby's though). But this Gardner Linn fella has one excellent TV write-up in which he nails all kinds of things that we loved this year -- either individually (Pullo, Beauty and the Geek?) or collectively (Wolcott, AD, Dundies kiss, etc.).
Lickable Lucky Lobster.
KITH s4 four months early.
Spit me out from your cosmos.
"Good guys win in 2006." --el Goodo
"Let's start '06 off on the right, fully-relaxed, fully-rejuvenated foot." --G. McWilliams
[TBSOWFMU - 1/3/06.]
Tom opens the first Best Show of the new year with a great track from a band called Vampire On TI-TUS. I recommend exploring this band’s catalog – here’s a rock robot to help you navigate the robustitude.
Annotated highlights:
- Spike (starts at 25:15) laments 2005 ("too many weirdos out there") and continues his attack on suburbia (adding a more expansive I Don't Do twist by denouncing all humans under the age of 25), which prompts Tom to propose a documentary called Spike Does Suburbia. I think Werner Herzog should direct, and it will undoubtedly end with Spike's cityfied flesh being devoured by a gaggle of "teenyboppers" in the middle of a mall Food Court. I can already hear the Treadwellian rants being put into perspective by Herzog's glorious narration and beautiful helicopter shots of the Newbridge vistas. [Here’s the downright hilarious story Tom mentions in this segment. Some fun quotes, and my fave is Rob Young’s seemingly innocuous “We’re not prudes by any means…” Sounds like the Young’s might be up for a little partner-swappin’!]
- Tom recaps (starts at 49:56) the Little Steven's Underground Garage-ESPN NYE jamboree (sports + garage rock = together at last!) and 2005's most cringe-inducing moment: Stuart Scott asking LS if he had a new year's resolution and having to deal with the non-answer of "Ramones fuheva" (a dicey choice with 75% deceased) combined with a flaunting of his leather jacket commemorating one of the band's low points.
The discussion prompts Marky "Speed King" Ramone to call (starts at 56:14) to set the record straight on late-period Ramones and his legacy in the band. Marky eventually threatens (first Best Show death threat of 2006!) to puncture Tom's neck with his signature Pro-Mock drum stick, smash his face in the street, and use his "naked butt" to beat out the intro to "Teenage Lobotomy".
- MC Steinberg checks in (starts at 1:08) and seems to be in the throes of an existential crisis: sleeping 1.5 hours a night since Thanksgiving, waking up in the shower, and trying to navigate time “by the sun”. This, however, doesn't stop him from a gauntlet throwdown to the haterz for a Battle Rap, targeting the likes of Kanye, 50 Cent, and Snoop. I suggest a 6-man(/duo) tourney with Steinberg and Kanye getting first-round byes. Wild Card matchups: upstart Aziz Ansari (dude once dropped 3 beats in 10 seconds on a random spring day) vs. Snoop and 50 vs. Samberg-Parnell. Eventual champion gets every sandwich on this list.
- Akiva Smirnoff calls (starts at 1:49) to promote his budding stand-up career ("deadpan stuff but also entertainment stuff") and defend his uncle's newer, non-culture-clash material, which is a mixture of motivational speaking, juggling, and relationship jokes.
- The interview with relaxation guru Gregor McWilliams (starts at 1:58) is one of the most disturbing Best Show calls I've heard and another masterful use of the slow-burn twist technique that marks such classics as "Darren from Work" and "Timmy von Trimble". Gregor's initial attempt to test his dubious skills via the radio are derailed when he uses a parade of Republican politicians (Rumsfeld, an owl that looks like Reagan, etc.) as vessels of relaxation for Tom. Then, we gradually get a more revealing portrait of Gregor's troubled cosmus: his legal troubles over providing female patients with his "Rainbow Elixir" potion (i.e., Knob Creek bourbon), a troubled childhood that included driving the family car through his parent's bedroom because they would not allow him to see David Cronenberg's Rabid, and ends with Gregor in fully-demented, Dream Warrior mode commanding Tom to murder Mike the Call Screener in his name in order to remove the bloodlusty demon bears that he had previously implanted in Tom's dreamscape.
The finale: Gregor's piercing cries of "KILL"---->Click---->immediate throw to Rogue Wave's "10:1". Brilliant.
- Scag Winesack calls (starts at 2:44) to reveal his holiday surprise: a visit from an 11-year-old daughter he didn't know he had. His attempts at trying to relate to this youngster include a shopping trip to local hunting and fishing emporiums and an armed robbery of a poker game. (I imagined the prep work for this event to look something like this.) She was also unimpressed by Scag's Hollywood stories, even the one about his work as Dennis Franz's "stunt butt" on NYPD Blue.
On the next ... The Best Show on WFMU: the debut of FWD of the Week®, Philly Boy Roy discusses his "old-school" redesign of sebastianbach.com, and Timmy von Trimble has an early review of the new Queen Latifah film, Last Holiday.
Natural Relaxation Gregor's Way, Vol. 4 is available at health food stores everywhere.
January 8, 2006
The Contest.
Glamour magazine solicited readers' inspirational moments and turned the top five into short films. You can view them here. Lauren Graham collides with a carload of transsexuals in Gnome -- LG is wonderful; the short is just ok.
January 6, 2006
That was THEN, this is NOW.
[Hopefully there's a few more hours of content from this session for the DVD, alright.]
Rock Stars Say the Darndest Things, first in a series. #001:
David Grohl, in Q.
Which Nirvana songs do you like and dislike the most?
My least favourite would probably be Lounge Act. I never liked that song. It was basically filler. My favourite is either Milk It or Heart Shaped Box. [full text]
Remove cranium from rectum, Dave. "Lounge Act" = filler? It's one of the best Nirvana songs.
[Rest assured that this series will try to achieve some level of nuance since the title opens the floodgates for an endless parade of blabber -- I could do daily posts in this series working only from Anton Newcombe's [sic]'d-up rantings.]
If x-amount was my nephew...
I can only imagine that his comment would be similar in reference to my dying words scrawled on a scrap of paper in the pitch black as I clung to life's last dust-choked breaths. One final grammatical point of fact to commemorate my tragic passing.
The pipes are no longer broken.
They are fixed. 1982 Joust nostalgia gaming is crazy fun. But 1992-6? I'm as excited about this as I am Bungie's next project.
UK Idiot.
A quick scan of a few online message portals reveals that the kids are saying that Graham Coxon's forthcoming Love Travels At Illegal Speeds is his Green Day/Ramones album (with a dash of Armed Forces-era Elvis). Sounds reasonable to me. Here's three tracks from it:
Graham Coxon - "Standing On My Own Again" (first single)
Graham Coxon - "You Always Let Me Down"
Graham Coxon - "Gimme Some Love"
January 5, 2006
The quiet comedy.
Jack Handey's latest piece is kind of lovely in that you tire of it rather quickly but then find yourself both amazed and amused that he's able to keep it going and going with the freshness until the bitter end.
"Handbags & Gladrags" stomps instrumental nothingness.
Time to put your UK v US The Office dream team together. Blah blah blah about how they're two different shows, the US series length and open-endedness have potentially given it an unfair advantage, you saw the UK first and will always like it better, etc. Just pick characters and be done with it. The rules are such that you must go half UK and half US. No fair just picking mostly UK characters. Here are my picks:
David Brent | Michael Scott
Easy one. Scott's just an a-hole. Brent has A soul. Mrs. Amount goes Scott just because she'd rather just hate a straight-up jerk than get all squeamish when an unknowing jerk repeatedly fails.
Gareth Keenan | Dwight Schrute
Another easy one. Brent/Keenan is one of the all-time classic comedy duos. This is another case of no soul in the US. And Shrute's kinda scary creepy, where Keenan is harmlessly oddball.
Dawn Tinsley | Pam Beesly
Tricky, but Dawn wins on accent, [realistically extra] weight, and the fact that Pam plays to the camera a bit too much.
Tim Canterbury | Jim Halpert
Another tricky one, but the half and half rules are the rules, and since the Jim/Tim character is the one we're supposed to relate to, Jim is easier to match up with.
Keith Bishop | Kevin Malone
This one is straight up rules. Keith eating a scotch egg trumps Kevin's hilariously demented grin. But I couldn't sacrifice Dawn for Keith.
Chris "Finchy" Finch | Todd "Pac Man" Packer
No problem here really. Half the time I needed subtitles to understand a quarter of what Finchy was going on about, and I'd watch Koechner goofy it up ANY time. He's an effing comedy COWBOY.
Mom genes.
Go away for 4 months (and counting!) maternity leave and you're only able to muster this much comedy.
OH THAT DRUDGE. #004:
Try to work this one out in your head before you go where he's taking you. Seriously. See if you can figure out a way in which his link-based lede makes any sense whatsoever.
January 4, 2006
Fresca Tree
I was cleaning out my TiVo and found this old clip from back in July. Still makes me laugh.
My getting on is anxious.
But it's nice to see that some people still care.
It's the new Shillue review, comin' right at you.
Finally caught that Comedy Central Presents Tom Shillue half-hour last night. He's got some fun traditional stand-up observational bits -- the never answer "I don't care" wedding plan set got some love from Mrs. Amount. And his slo-mo work is a physical comedy classic thanks to the mid-bit inclusion of the slow blink face distortion. That slow blink really kicks out the jams.
Ultimately though, I'm not convinced that a trad-stand-up half-hour format is where Tom Shillue belongs. He's a master slow-burn storyteller, and when he's able to drop brief observational nuggets into his long-players, everything works. I'm not sure where he goes with the storytelling angle; he's certainly too hip for the crustier Prarie Home Companions of the world. But maybe Apple's potential foray into fee-based podcasting will open something up. I'd certainly ante up to catch a weekly Shillue set. Who knows. Maybe he's only got enough material to go monthly; I'd take that too!
Won't U Please B Nice
"All that matters to me is that I can continue to make irritating music which will baffle and enrage." - Nellie McKay
January 3, 2006
GIVE JAY D. WEXLER THE GRANT.
I mean really. There are so many pulls in this thing, it's not even funny. "[Mirth.]"
[The original Wexler piece is available in pdf form at The Green Bag.]
What ith your query? #006:
Do you get less wet if you run in the rain?
Are you most proud of the Chinese bicycle man who kept kept his umbrella vertically oriented?
Can you pay a rainbow to be less beautiful? NO LINK FOR THIS ONE.
A psychologist will confirm the player isn't clinically insane.
Mandel Watch. #005:
So Deal or No Deal's trial run was a success. Ratings-wise. In the interest of maintaining the Mandel Watch I gave it a one ep shot. Hoo-boy.
(23 December) Deal or No Deal (US), 1.5 ***1/2
[Saving graces: the riDICulously over-the-top and yet still twee phone call artifice employed to deliver instructions from the shadowy, Arvin Sloane-like "Bank," Mandel's facial hair, Mandel's memorization of the 26 interchangeable models' names, the repeated realization that my conservative nature would RUIN my chances at taking home any more than like 10k.]
Please note that if I were forced to watch additional episodes they would be graded accordingly:
(March) Deal or No Deal (US), 1.6-? *
[This show is meant to be viewed a single time. Repeated viewings insult the very core of your admittedly weak productive nature. By the end of even a single episode you will tangibly feel time being snatched from your Jewell-like clutches.]
January 2, 2006
Are you a Zabra?
MC Steinberg dropped yesterday's TS/Best Show NYT piece on the FOT board. It reveals how Tom avoids losing it when Wurster unleashes things like "Husker Dude": "I usually end up pinching my leg to stay on track."
You can listen to the brilliant Pizza Aficionado call in the archives (8/2/05, starts at 32:15).
Won't Get Fooled Again.
The other day I was watching a movie trailer with such a derivative plot (babysitter in sprawling, darkly-lit mansion gets strange calls that are ..... coming. from. inside. the. house) that I was sure it was going to be one of those Silence Is Golden® things. Nope. Turns out it's When A Stranger Calls, which is intentionally deriviatve. (I've never seen the original, but was intrigued after hearing some chatter about it on this.)
Then there was another supposed trailer for a skiing documentary. It looked pretty good and I thought that perhaps Peralta had decided to conquer another sport, but then it went all ring-ring and the dude fell face-first into the slope and who wants to have that happen to them so I turned my phone off right away.
January 1, 2006
Nonslave.
I know you missed it the first time, but I think they're rerunning it now, Red.
Sort of eat it, WORK.
Good for web design nerds without easy access to Macs.
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Good for office workers on bizarro Websense-hates-Blogspot-hosted-blogs lock-down.
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SafariTest.
Now you can read the dinky stuff that isn't worth emailing or del.icio.us-ing for later.