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For real though.

Don't you typically wait until the recent urinal arrivals have cleared out before you emerge from a stall? I may have finished my business, but if there are newcomers, I'll let them zip, wash, and exit before I make my grand exit. Some dudes around here emerge while I'm at the sink and I'm all trying not to act like "Oh, hi Tony. It was you who heated this place UP with your noxious waste."

Also: don't try to tell me that you can top my day. I did my business and looked down to find a perfectly formed uppercase G! BOOM! WITH the right angle. Yeah, shut UP, with the right angle. I'm pretty sure I've got the L and the I down, maybe an O, so I'm really moving through the ALPHABET. Goal for us all: complete the 26 WITHOUT special acrobatics. Just regular accidentally awesome style.


I'll believe none of these excretorial feats without pictorial proof. Should be easy enough with almost all cell phones having cameras these days. Get ON this, people!

For X only: I could've used that uppercase G for one of my signage projects in Terry Harpold's class in IDT. Please tell me you didn't flush ...

Not only should people being taking photos, but said photos should then be submitted in order to secure an NEA grant. I'm gonna totally submerge a statue of Jesus in my coiled-snake feces and get that, um, shit in a museum in Brooklyn.

And yeah: I won't make an exit unless everyone is OUT of there. I'll stay in there for like an hour in heavy-traffic times. I'll go in a stall with The New Yorker, USA Today, and that new Ware book just in case.

CDC still got those lame-ass stalls that aren't the fully-enclosed little rooms?

5 bucks goes to the first guy who posts up an alphabet dump. 10 if it contains a perfectly formed right angle.

Incidentally, did I write that first paragraph? I would have sworn I was reading me.

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